The Caper Crusader

As I travel down the gravel ridden ridges in the forest I un-chorus in a choral a’ choragic agric courses that are cording in a course of coronal aseptic torches, torching Trojan horses hoarding hormonal forces forming formulistic flicks of that filthily flavored formula, a storm erection wrecking in pen-perfected portions of an ominous and dominant dawn-drawn on an ottoman, an automatic manic attack-attacking all of them, I’m sickle celled and spelled with repellent pellets and picketing, a fickle fiend who’s feigning for follicle rollick seasonings, a volatile and versatile spillage of pillaged pillaging, just bringing heated helium treats-retreat and tickle tease that treason breezing bred for attack-tact smacking mysteries, tag teaming liquid lyric relapse-Jack coking whisperings with purring turban turbulent tracks-of racket happenings, he happens to be made out of straps-of rapping allergies all stinging slang derangement on tap-with fact and actually, I’m slinging rings of Ritalin raps-with raspy rationings, while rational and passion full packed-with cracked infracted rings, I’m rapturous while wrapped in a sack-nap sacking tragedy whose tragedy traps too many tracks-of tragic factorings, a factory of gory in allegory and aniseed, breeding flavored flavorful speak-in speed delivery, deliver witticisms with cynic brittle and written riddles, ridding rhombic rhetoric romps-with bombs of folk that fiddle, fickle tickle trickling tricks-of slips that skittle scuttle puddles cuddled under a blunder of thunder wonder bread, I’m bred from mental vengeful attack-reactions in the head, I’m heading down the path of a pathological prodigy, philology of all of that philosophic philosophy, atrocity to all the all-too-normal abnormities, enormity enormous so form a chorus and christen me, the tiger of rhyme design and written fire perspiring, performing spreading led in the afternoon, evening and morning, start mourning cause the coroner’s owner is close to cornering, the corner market marketing marvelous flavored capering.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Written by my son of course.


Due to a weird work schedule you will just have to check back daily to see when I have another post.

Don't Cry For Me Argentina

Friends I ask you, is your sex life not what it used to be?

Do you suffer the bedroom doldrums with your partner?

Are you wondering if Viagra or Levitra is the next step but don't want to discuss the matter with your doctor?

Do you want to put that spark back and have pure raw sex in the bed, back seat of a car, kitchen table, floor, couch, lazy boy, desk, balcony of the movie theater, hay field, city park, bathroom stall, hotel room or on the beach to name a few places?

All that and you work part time, travel the world, and have a great retirement package as well?

Well you can, just as many many others are doing or have done.

Don't reach for the Viagra or the Levitra. No my friends, that's not necessary.

All you have to do to get horny is to be elected to a public office and put fire and intrigue back in your sex life.

You can run as a Republican or a Democrat, it doesn't matter. All that matters is you are an office holder.

Oh yes, just as the world turns, just like in the dime store romance novels, you too can put that lust back in your life.

Ah yes, the romance novels that go something like this:

"Beloved, back to you. Got back an hour ago to civilization and I'm now in Columbia after what was for me a glorious break from reality down at the farm. No phones ringing and tangible evidence of days labors."

"Though I started every day at 6:00, this morning I woke at 4:30. I guess since my body knew it was the last day, I went out and ran the excavator with the lights until the sun came up. To me, and I suspect no one else on Earth, there's something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab, air conditioning running, and the hum of a huge diesel engine in the background."

Ah yes, there is nothing more romantic than country music and a tractor.

"The tranquillity that comes from being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh, the day　breaking in vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds and getting to build something with each scoop of dirt."

My God, building something out of dirt - it just doesn't get more romantic than that!

Politicians do like to get in the mud.

"Sweetest, one, the travel schedule is about to get real, real busy. Two, unfortunately all the feelings you describe are mutual. And three, where do we go from here? The following weekend I've been asked to spend out in Aspen, Colorado with John McCain which has kicked up the whole VP talk all over again in the press back home. Do you really comprehend how beautiful your smile is? Have you been told lately how warm your eyes are or how softly they glow with the special nature of your soul?"

Now that's smooth, mix in how important a politician you are while working a sex rendezvous into your schedule.

"My getting here came as no small measure because I had a foundation of love and support so critical to getting up in the morning and feeling you could give and risk because you already had a full tank of love and the emotional bank account."

A full tank of love - I have to remember that one, but you can bet it was more than $3.00 a gallon.

The emotional bank account - is that like your bank telling you your credit card is maxed out?

"Since our first meeting there in a wind swept somewhat open air dance spot in Punta del Este, --"　

Ah yes, an ocean breeze always sets the mood.

Me mind on fire -- Me soul on fire -- Feeling hot hot hot
Party people -- All around me feeling hot hot hot
What to do - On a night like this
Music sweet - I can't resist
We need a party song - A fundamental jam

So we go rum-bum-bum-bum
Yeah we rum-bum-bum-bum
Feeling hot hot hot -- Feeling hot hot hot - oh Lord

See people rocking -- Hear people chanting -- Feeling hot hot hot
Keep up this spirit -- Come on let's do it -- Feeling hot hot hot
It's in the air - Celebration time
Music sweet - captivate your mind
We have this party song - This fundamental jam

So we go rum-bum-bum-bum
Yeah we rum-bum-bum-bum
Feeling hot hot hot -- Feeling hot hot hot - Oh Lord

I felt you had the same rare attribute. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses or that I love your tan lines or the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of holding yourself or two magnificent parts of yourself in the faded glow of the night's light. But hey, that would be going into the sexual details we spoke of at the steakhouse at dinner."

Oh yes, nothing better than sex and a good steak!

Somehow I don't think the two magnificent parts the author was referring to were two ice cold Coronas.

I mean　--　as I have said to you before, I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these things were contained, and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and comparing of all the too many personal notes and, yes, this is true even if you did occasionally tantalize me with sexual details over the years."　

I was just normal until you occasionally tantalize me with sexual details. Damn sneaky for sure.

In the meantime please sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul."

I don't know about you, but doesn't that make you want to run for public office?

"..my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul."

Pure poetry don't you think?


Wow. It's time to adjust the air conditioning thermostat and cool this place. It's sizzling hot!!!

Tick Tock

Maybe it is just me, but life is no fun anymore.

Usually I get my ideas for posts from what I see going on around the country, and very seldom do I draw a blank.

Lately all I see is the same depressing news, just rewrapped in a different package.

Personally, I think there will be no more fun. We will no longer have a voice. We will no longer be a person. We will just be what we are told to be.

Many of you believe and defend what is happening in our country today, but I, for one, do not.

But I digress, what I started to say at the beginning is I have nothing of interest to post on here today because I find nothing interesting or fun anymore.

Change has come and now from what I have seen, happiness is gone and depressed people abound.

I am old and I guess for me the bright side is, it was fun while it lasted, but now it is over and I am on the downhill side of the journey. Why care anymore when hope is gone?

Life has become boring. I am just passing time.

I have late shifts tonight and Wednesday so there will be no new posts which is probably just as well.

Last night was the late shift so there will be no new post today.

Silly Friday

I have to believe it's just a female thing

Shoe-Stealing Fox is Busted! Over 100 Shoes Discovered in Den

A female fox has been identified as the perpetrator of a year-long shoe-stealing scheme in the idyllic town of Föhren in the hills of western Germany. For months, residents had been noticing that their slippers, boots, and sneakers were mysteriously disappearing from their doorsteps and back porches.

Tiny little teeth marks on the shoelaces leads the Count to theorize that the vixen had been stealing the footwear for her cubs to play with.

"We found 86 shoes in the den and a further 32 in a nearby quarry where they like to play."

The wife Vicki could teach that fox a thing or two about shoes, let me tell you.

Public service announcement:

Spice up your romantic lives with a little “Mommy” and “Daddy” name-calling.
Oh, Daddy! Parental pet names can add spice.

"Oh Mommy you really know how to heat up the kitchen."

"Oh Daddy put me over your knee and spank me cause I've been a bad little girl."

Well I think you get the idea.

Where do you think the name Go Daddy.Com came from?

OK so this must be a big problem in Florida

BROOKSVILLE, Fla. - A Florida city is cleaning up with a new dress code that requires city workers to wear underwear and use deodorant.

It also prohibits piercings anywhere except the ears.

So my question is how would they know about your piercings underneath your underwear.

Is that what they call an oxymoron?

I guess my other question is how do you get an inspector's job with the city to look for hidden piercings?

The bad economy is hitting everyone, and there are some great real estate deals out there.

Dirt cheap: Cemetery sells 2 graves for price of 1

People are dying to get that deal.

A kiss is just a kiss.

Student who blew kiss to mom denied diploma

A Maine high school senior says he was denied his diploma because he bowed during graduation and blew a kiss to his mother.

Schools Superintendent Suzanne Lukas ordered him back to his seat. She told the Portland Press Herald newspaper she was enforcing behavior rules.

Ah the teachers that are teaching our kids and the Superintendents that got the job because they couldn't teach our kids.

I don't know how many of you knew this but Montana is a very religious state.

Every once in a while the police really need to have a sense of humor.

Barrel ‘monster’ gets N.C. student arrested

Police call it vandalism, but supporters say it’s creative street art


I say that would be the highlight of anyone's daily commute.


Breaking news just in:

The David Carradine autopsy determined the cause of death was, "He had reached the end of his rope."

And that is the end of the week for me. I'll leave you with this bit of trivia:

When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

You Can't Fix Stupid

Teen Falls Asleep During Face Tattoo

This Belgian teenager supposedly fell asleep while getting her face tattooed and woke up to 56 stars on her face. Now, she's suing the tattoo artist, claiming he misunderstood her. The artist counters that Starface is only peeved because her boyfriend dumped her after seeing the monstrosity.

Um, how do you "doze off" while getting your face inked?

Suspect Hides in Drain Pipe for 12 Hours

LOS ANGELES - The suspect crawled into the storm drain — 18 inches wide by 80 feet long — under a busy freeway and wedged himself inside after officers found him and another man allegedly attempting to steal copper wire from a San Fernando Valley warehouse.

And they didn't leave him there because? I would have waited a month or so.

Naked Intruder Flees, Dons Women's Garb

GOLDEN, Colo. - Authorities said a naked intruder startled a woman in her home west of Denver, then fled in a sheet to another home where he was discovered wearing women's clothing.

Smear my body up with butter, I'm going to the "Freakers Ball."

City Fines for Parking in Own Driveways

TOLEDO, Ohio - Residents of Toledo, Ohio, are complaining that they received $25 tickets for parking their vehicles in their own driveways.

Mayor Carty Finkbeiner says he stands by the citations handed out last week by the Division of Streets, Bridges and Harbor. He says the tickets were issued under a city law against parking on unpaved surfaces, including gravel driveways.

That ought to help his re-election campaign.

Man accused of stealing 88 panties from neighbor

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico -Puerto Rico police said they have arrested a man accused of snatching 88 pieces of underwear from a neighbor's clothesline.

Police said Wednesday that he returned all of underwear to the woman.

I bet she couldn't wait to use that underwear again.

Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits arrested again

TIGARD, Ore. -Authorities said a woman obsessed with rabbits is in trouble again: In violation of probation terms, she was found holed up in a hotel room with more than a dozen rabbits. Officers said they had to break into the room Tuesday and found eight adults and half a dozen baby rabbits.

She was arrested in 2007 with more than 250 rabbits.

Did you know rabbit tastes just like chicken?

Sub allegedly chokes student during dodgeball game

NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y. -New York police say a substitute gym teacher put a 10-year-old student in a chokehold after the two got in an argument over a dodgeball game.

No wonder the schools want to outlaw dodgeball. It's the adults messing it up.



Man Posed as His Dead Mother

NEW YORK - Irene Prusik has been dead for six years. But in April, someone showed up at the Department of Motor Vehicles in Brooklyn to renew her driver's license.

It was her son, in drag. He had also collected $52,000 from her $700-a-month Social Security checks over six years.

Does anyone remember the movie "Psycho"?

Umpire ejects entire crowd at baseball game
More than 100 booted during high school game for yelling and arguing

WEST BURLINGTON, Iowa - An umpire has emptied the stands at a high school baseball game, ejecting the entire crowd of more than 100 fans for being unruly.

Umpire Don Briggs said he had no problem with any of the student athletes during Thursday’s game between Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington.

He said he had to take action because fans were being unruly, yelling and arguing.

That's a thin-skinned umpire. I suspect he didn't know his strikes from his balls!!!!

Convict stages son’s bar mitzvah in NYC jail

NEW YORK - The young boy read from the Torah during his bar mitzvah, his guests enjoyed a catered kosher spread and the proud father returned to his cell.

The party for the son of a convicted scam artist was held at a New York City jail, and city taxpayers paid overtime for some of the jail staff to help out.

He must be a real good scam artist, you think!!


Man you just can't make this stuff up.

Hero Worship

I need some free items. Let me think, new shoes, a new big screen T.V., lots of whiskey, some Twinkies, a Nike shirt or two, more whiskey, and oh yes, cases of beer. Those are just a few of the things that come to mind.

That's right, it's time for Las Vegas to get a professional basketball team so when they win the championship I can break in and take what ever I want from the stores.

That way I can either watch it on T.V. or dress up in my new clothes and go to the victory parades.


Sports figures - you've got to love the way they are treated:

Stallworth Sentenced to 30 Days in Jail

Donte' Stallworth began serving a 30-day jail sentence Tuesday for killing a pedestrian while driving drunk in Florida, a punishment made possible by his cooperation with investigators.

That is a fair sentence for tasking a life, especially since he cooperated with investigators, don't you think?


Sammy Sosa Reportedly Tested Positive For Banned Substance in 2003

During his 2005 testimony in front of Congress, Sosa denied ever using performance-enhancing drugs.

"To be clear, I have never taken illegal, performance-enhancing drugs. I have never injected myself or had anyone inject me with anything," Sosa said then.

Sosa announced his formal retirement from baseball less than two weeks ago, on June 3, telling ESPN Deportes at the time that he would "calmly wait for [his] induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame" and adding "don't I have the numbers to be inducted?"


Former major leaguer Hall on trial in sex case

Ex-player accused of repeated advances on 12-year-old girl 10 years ago

Former major league outfielder Mel Hall is on trial on sexual assault charges, accused of repeated advances on a 12-year-old girl he coached on an elite basketball team a decade ago.


NASCAR Driver Jeremy Mayfield Suspended After Failing Drug Test

Report: Meth Triggered Mayfield Ban

The ongoing fight between Sprint Cup Series driver Jeremy Mayfield and NASCAR over his drug suspension has spilled into lawsuits from both sides.

Mayfield, you may remember, was suspended May 10 after testing positive for a banned substance during a random screening the prior weekend in Richmond

A report on ESPN.com cites two sources with the damning word that Mayfield tested positive for methamphetamine in Richmond.


NASCAR Suspends Another Crew Member for Violating Drug Policy

Andrew Crnkovic, a crew member on the No. 07 Chad McCumbee team, failed a random drug test on May 21 and is the sixth crew member suspended under NASCAR's new drug testing policy.


May 29: Olympic silver medalist and former world kayaking champion Nathan Baggaley was sentenced to at least five years in prison on charges of supplying and manufacturing ecstasy pills.

May 16: Buffalo Bills fullback Corey McIntyre was arrested and accused with exposing and fondling himself in public.

March 12: Former New York Mets pitcher Ambiorix Burgos was convicted of throwing his girlfriend against a wall and punching her in a motel. Burgos was also indicted in September 2008 on charges of hit and run after an accident killed two women.

But they are our heroes because they entertain us I guess, although that doesn't work for me!!


My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys.

I grew up a-dreamin' of bein' a cowboy,
and Lovin' the cowboy ways.
Pursuin' the life of my high-ridin' heroes,
I burned up my childhood days.
I learned of all the rules of the modern-day drifter,
Don't you hold on to nothin' too long.
Just take what you need from the ladies, then leave them,
With the words of a sad country song.
My heroes have always been cowboys.

Hopalong Cassidy, Lash Larue, Wild Bill Hickok, Red Ryder, Lone Ranger, Cisco Kid, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Paladin, Marshall Dillon, Wyatt Earp and of course Rin Tin Tin.

And then a hero comes along,
With the strength to carry on.
And you cast your fears aside,
Cause you know you can survive.
So, when you feel like hope is gone,
Just Look inside you and be strong.
And you'll finally see the truth,
See That a hero lies in you, you, you.
Oh yes it does

People, You Gotta Wonder

A friend of mine stopped by the other day, and he was depressed because his wife left him.

His wife is deaf and she left him for one of their close friends that was also deaf.

You know, there is only so much sympathy you can give a guy. After listening to his 'poor me' attitude, I told him he had no one but himself to blame for not knowing something was going on.

I told him he should have seen the signs!



Once again I would like to point out the stupidity of global warming. Because global warming is a fallacy, they are now calling it climate change.

The Environmental Protection Agency is proposing a measure to charge for cow farts!

In 2007, the United States Supreme Court ruled that greenhouse gases that are emitted by belching and flatulence of farm animals contribute to air pollution.

The proposal would require farms or ranches with more than 25 dairy cows, 50 beef cattle or 200 hogs to pay an annual fee of about $175 for each dairy cow, $87.50 per head of beef cattle and $20 for each hog, according to the AP.

"The executive vice president of the Wyoming Farm Bureau Federation, Ken Hamilton, estimated the fee would cost owners of a modest-sized cattle ranch $30,000 to $40,000 a year.

He said he has talked to a number of livestock owners about the proposals, and "all have said if the fees were carried out, it would bankrupt them." (AP)

The proposal, seemingly intended to cut down on beef consumption, could be weathered by corporate farms, but family farms would almost certainly cease to exist. It certainly poses a new contemplation of cow pies.

Hello out there, is anyone paying attention?



Speaking of Green:

It's not fashionable to drill here, drill now. We have to drive cars that are the so-called green cars.

If you should have a job and have any money left over for a vacation, this is something like what you will be driving.





Coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you.

Too bad the ole' lady and the dogs couldn't go on vacation with you.

Notice how it is designed for double duty? It is also shaped like a coffin.

As Kermit the frog said, "It ain't easy being green!"



Men, you need to pay close attention to this.

In Villa Rica, Georgia, a man buys a scratch off lottery ticket worth $5,000.00.

So I wonder what most men would tell their wife?

Would they go home with the 5 grand, hand it to the wife and tell her to use it for the family, herself or to pay the bills?

Or would he tell her he won it and was going to spend it on fishing/hunting gear, his car or maybe a big screen TV to watch NASCAR?

One has to hope he gave it to his wife to use as she saw fit. Why, you ask? Well I'll tell you.

One week after Chuck Hill won $5,000 in the Georgia Lottery's Weekly WinFall drawing, his wife did even better.

Karen Hill bought a World Class Millions scratch-off ticket on her way to work at City Chevron in Villa Rica. Her $20 ticket won $1 million.

She splurged and bought one of these:




In closing I wonder, do you know the difference between a pigeon and a wall street banker?

The pigeon can still make a deposit on a new BMW.

As an update I have another late shift tonight so there will be no post tomorrow.

Friday And Back To My Post

I'm back.....not that anyone might have noticed I was gone.

I had an interesting work schedule that made doing a post every day a little difficult, but here I am.


So with that said, here we go.

I am glad to see other people are wising up to possibly the largest scam to ever take place.

I have addressed it several times on here, and now others are starting to question the fake facts.

Burger King says "Global Warming is Baloney"

Mirabile Investment Corporation, a Memphis-based management company with more then 40 Burger King locations across the Mid-South has placed the words “Global Warming is Baloney” on many if not all of its exterior signs.

I love their Double Whopper with cheese, lettuce, mayonnaise, and ketchup, and now I love their advertising. Oh and don't forget the fries with that!

The evening news.

I'm watching a story on the news about a murder in a residential neighborhood here in town.

The reporter at the scene states, "Some people in this neighborhood feel this should have never happened."

So I'm thinking, if only some people feel murder shouldn't happen in their neighborhood, then there are some in the neighborhood that must think it is OK for someone to be murdered in their neighborhood.

For the times they are a changing. Scary, don't ya think?

It's a good thing everyone has a cell phone these days.

It is obvious the old emergency-only phones situated in areas for a person to call for help are a little outdated.

As the emergency numbers to call for help get higher, some of the old phones just don't go that high.

Does it bother anyone else that the person putting up the sign with the emergency number didn't test the phone?



Speaking of not being too smart:

I'm a follow-the-instruction kind of guy.

I fired up the barbecue to do some barbecued ribs and as with almost all the instructions you read, it instructs you to baste the ribs with BBQ sauce the last 15 minutes of cooking.

OK so I'm down to the last 15 minutes and I grabbed a bottle of some great looking BBQ sauce and I opened it.

Then I noticed the instructions that said refrigerate after opening.

I immediately put the BBQ sauce in the refrigerator as instructed.

I think I have been robbed of the money I paid for the BBQ sauce as I could not put it on the ribs because I had to refrigerate after opening.

I wonder why they even sell it then?



I know my women readers can appreciate this next useful piece of information about men.

A little known fact....

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.


Something to remember at the start of your day:

A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't like you.

Week Off

Due to this week's work schedule, there will be no new posts this week.