You Can't Fix Stupid

Teen Falls Asleep During Face Tattoo

This Belgian teenager supposedly fell asleep while getting her face tattooed and woke up to 56 stars on her face. Now, she's suing the tattoo artist, claiming he misunderstood her. The artist counters that Starface is only peeved because her boyfriend dumped her after seeing the monstrosity.

Um, how do you "doze off" while getting your face inked?

Suspect Hides in Drain Pipe for 12 Hours

LOS ANGELES - The suspect crawled into the storm drain — 18 inches wide by 80 feet long — under a busy freeway and wedged himself inside after officers found him and another man allegedly attempting to steal copper wire from a San Fernando Valley warehouse.

And they didn't leave him there because? I would have waited a month or so.

Naked Intruder Flees, Dons Women's Garb

GOLDEN, Colo. - Authorities said a naked intruder startled a woman in her home west of Denver, then fled in a sheet to another home where he was discovered wearing women's clothing.

Smear my body up with butter, I'm going to the "Freakers Ball."

City Fines for Parking in Own Driveways

TOLEDO, Ohio - Residents of Toledo, Ohio, are complaining that they received $25 tickets for parking their vehicles in their own driveways.

Mayor Carty Finkbeiner says he stands by the citations handed out last week by the Division of Streets, Bridges and Harbor. He says the tickets were issued under a city law against parking on unpaved surfaces, including gravel driveways.

That ought to help his re-election campaign.

Man accused of stealing 88 panties from neighbor

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico -Puerto Rico police said they have arrested a man accused of snatching 88 pieces of underwear from a neighbor's clothesline.

Police said Wednesday that he returned all of underwear to the woman.

I bet she couldn't wait to use that underwear again.

Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits arrested again

TIGARD, Ore. -Authorities said a woman obsessed with rabbits is in trouble again: In violation of probation terms, she was found holed up in a hotel room with more than a dozen rabbits. Officers said they had to break into the room Tuesday and found eight adults and half a dozen baby rabbits.

She was arrested in 2007 with more than 250 rabbits.

Did you know rabbit tastes just like chicken?

Sub allegedly chokes student during dodgeball game

NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y. -New York police say a substitute gym teacher put a 10-year-old student in a chokehold after the two got in an argument over a dodgeball game.

No wonder the schools want to outlaw dodgeball. It's the adults messing it up.



Man Posed as His Dead Mother

NEW YORK - Irene Prusik has been dead for six years. But in April, someone showed up at the Department of Motor Vehicles in Brooklyn to renew her driver's license.

It was her son, in drag. He had also collected $52,000 from her $700-a-month Social Security checks over six years.

Does anyone remember the movie "Psycho"?

Umpire ejects entire crowd at baseball game
More than 100 booted during high school game for yelling and arguing

WEST BURLINGTON, Iowa - An umpire has emptied the stands at a high school baseball game, ejecting the entire crowd of more than 100 fans for being unruly.

Umpire Don Briggs said he had no problem with any of the student athletes during Thursday’s game between Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington.

He said he had to take action because fans were being unruly, yelling and arguing.

That's a thin-skinned umpire. I suspect he didn't know his strikes from his balls!!!!

Convict stages son’s bar mitzvah in NYC jail

NEW YORK - The young boy read from the Torah during his bar mitzvah, his guests enjoyed a catered kosher spread and the proud father returned to his cell.

The party for the son of a convicted scam artist was held at a New York City jail, and city taxpayers paid overtime for some of the jail staff to help out.

He must be a real good scam artist, you think!!


Man you just can't make this stuff up.