Simple Math

Today's post is Compliments of Chelsea's Dad, Brad.


Conversion Factors for your Digestion:

1. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi

2. 2000 pounds of Chinese Soup = Won ton

3. 1 millionth of a mouthwash = 1 microscope

4. Time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement = 1 bananosecond

5. Weight an evangelist carries with G~d = 1 billigram

6. Time it takes to sail 220 yards at 1 nautical mile per hour = Knotfurlong

7. 365.25 days of drinking low calorie beer = 1 Lite year

8. 16.5 feet in the Twilight Zone = 1 Rod Serling

9. Half a large intestine = 1 semicolon

10. 1,000,000 aches = 1 megahurtz

11. Basic unit of laryngitis - 1 hoarsepower

12. Shortest distance between two jokes - a straight line

13. 453.6 graham crackers = 1 pound cake

14. 1 million microphones = 1 megaphone

15. 1 million bicycles = 1 megacycle

16. 365 days = 1 unicycle

17. 2000 mockingbirds = two kilomockingbirds

18. 10 cards = 1 decacard

19. 52 cards = 1 deckacard

20. 1 kilogram of falling figs = 1 Fig Newton

21. 1000 grams of wet socks = 1 literhosen

22. 1 millionth of a fish = 1 microfiche

23. 1 trillion pins = 1 terrapin

24. 10 rations = 1 decaration

25. 100 rations = 1 C-Ration

26. 2 monograms = 1 diagram

27. 8 nickels = 2 paradigms

28. 5 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 I.V. League

Finally, for those of you who noticed the unit discrepancy between #7 and #16, please note that for every four unicycles, a Leap Beer occurs.

Stories

Ok I had a strange experience the other day.

I'm trying to cross the street when this lady on the phone with 8 kids in a van didn't stop at the stop sign, rather she coasted through it.

Instinctively I hollered out at her, "Have you forgotten how to stop?"

She slammed on her brakes, jumped out of the car, and yelled, "What makes you think they are all mine?"

I must be more cautious!!



Speaking of being cautious....

I was walking down the street the other day when I bumped into a solider.

I immediately apologized for running into him to which he replied, "That's OK, you probably didn't see me because I am wearing my camouflage uniform."



Reading....

I just read an article on the dangers of drinking.

Scared the Hell out of me.

So that's it!

After today, no more reading!



Speaking of reading....

I just saw an ad for a funeral home where they said the cost of funerals has gone up due to a cost of living increase.



Front Door....

I just had 6 locks put on my front door. I lock 3 and leave 3 unlocked. That way when someone tries to pick the locks they are always locking 3 of them!!



Speaking of front doors....

When my doorbell rings I make a habit of answering the door wearing my jacket and holding my car keys.

That way if it is someone I don't want to see I can say I was just leaving.



Speaking of leaving....

The other day I wanted a hamburger so I headed to the corner restaurant to grab one. When I got there, the sign outside said "Wednesday: Pork Chops."

I drove all over town looking for a place that had a sign saying they had hamburgers on Wednesday.



Speaking of eating....

I have a friend who went out on a blind date the other night and the deal was I would call him on his cell phone while they were at dinner in case it wasn't going well.

I called him as planned and listened as he exclaimed, "Oh no! When? How did it happen? OK I'm leaving now. I will be there as soon as I can."

When I saw him later I asked him what his date said when he told her his aunt died.

He told me she said, "Thank God because if your aunt hadn't died, mine would have had to in about 5 minutes!!"



Did you know....

You can observe a lot by just watching.



Speaking of watching....

I suspect the landing is going to hurt.


Looks like so much fun, right?



Speaking of fun....

We are on the downhill side to Super Bowl weekend!!

Look Closely

When is it OK for a dog to bite you?

Dog Saves Boy From Fire by Biting Foot

PORTAGE, Ind. - A black Labrador that bit a 13-year-old boy's foot repeatedly, waking him up, is being credited with saving the boy and two of his friends from a house fire.

Christopher Peebles said he woke up Friday morning to feel his dog Laney biting his foot repeatedly in the basement of his family's home, where he and two friends had spent the night.

"I thought she had to go to the bathroom, but she never bites me," Peebles said Friday.

He and his friends walked upstairs with Laney and noticed smoke everywhere in the home.

That's when it is OK!!



Idiots:

Couch Potato Tax? Fair or Foul?

The Sierra Club proposed a 1% tax on TVs, video games and other electronic entertainment earlier this week. Dubbed the "No Child Left Inside" program, the tax would purportedly be used to raise up to $4 million a year that could help fund outdoor activities designed especially for kids.

"What we would do with this excise tax on TVs and video games and this type of equipment is to tax part of the problem to fund the solution," said Mike Casaus of the Sierra Club to the New Mexico NBC affiliate that initially reported the story.

I don't think it is up to the government or especially the stupid Sierra Club to tell people how to raise their kids when it comes to outdoor activities.

I would much rather the kids be inside playing a video game than outside with the perverts that are on the loose.

To the Sierra Club I say "Don't interfere with somethin' that ain't botherin' you none."




Here come da judge

Teen ordered to hold sign proclaiming officers are "not pigs"



NASHVILLE, Tenn.- A Nashville judge has given an unusual punishment to a teenager to stand outside police headquarters holding a sign that says officers are "not pigs."

Nineteen-year-old Austin Bean's public defender argued Friday that his First Amendment rights were being challenged.

Davidson County Criminal Court Judge Mark Fishburn ordered the teenager to hold a sign reading, "Respect the police, they are not pigs as I stated on my MySpace page" and "There is nothing funny about guns and nothing cool about gangs."

The order was a condition of the probation the teenager received for a charge of coercing a witness. Bean posted threatening messages against another teenager on MySpace.

Bean will not have to follow the order until his case is appealed.

Good for the Judge for having common sense!!

There, the Sierra Club should be happy as this kid has been ordered to do an activity outside!!

Hard to Believe

Believe it or not for a Monday:

I don't know how many of you caught the picture floating around the news and Internet of a Martian the last couple of weeks.

The Internet has been abuzz about a photo that appears to show a human figure on Mars. Some people say it resembles a woman; others speculate that it's Sasquatch. Scientists say the explanation is much, much simpler -- it's a rock.


A lot of people are making a big deal out of it, but for myself this picture looks like it was taken in Nevada. I wonder if that might be Jimmy Hoffa?




Double-dog dared

Boys Stick Tongues on Frozen Flagpole

CHESTERTON, Ind. - Two fourth-grade boys mimicking a scene from the movie "A Christmas Story" wound up with their tongues stuck to a frozen flagpole.

Gavin Dempsey and James Alexander were serving on flag duty at Jackson Elementary School Friday morning, with the job of raising and lowering the school's flags. They decided to see if their tongues really would stick to the cold metal.

"I decided to try it because I thought all of the TV shows were lies, but turns out I was wrong," Gavin said.

Karen Alexander, James' mother , said her son told her he got the idea from the movie, which is based on stories about a boy growing up in the northwest Indiana community of Hammond in the 1940s.

"I can't believe he did it, but they learned their lesson," she said.

James said he plans to eat a lot of ice cream to help nurse his wound.

"When you're young, you're just messing around," he said.

Billie Dempsey, Gavin's mom, said a nurse called them to tell them the boys' tongues were bleeding.

"The nurse asked them, 'OK, who double-dog dared who?"' Billie Dempsey said, a reference to a phrase that a character in the movie used to dare another child to stick his tongue to the pole.

My favorite Christmas movie of all times inspired not one, but two kids to be double-dog dared into trying something.



Agent 99 has matured

Barbara Feldon became famous for playing Agent 99 on the '60s TV series "Get Smart."

Would you believe?


The 75-year-old actress resurfaced at a theater event in NYC, looking very good for 75.

Humorous Week's End

A little laugh for Friday from old time comedians:

There was a beautiful young woman knocking on
my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took
my mother-in-law to the airport..

I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years.
If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when
she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be
reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That
was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked
great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time
difference. I'm still confused.. When I go to dinner, I
feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.

The doctor gave a man six months to live. The
man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him
another six months.

The Doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs.
Cohen, your check came back." Mrs.. Cohen answered, "So did
my arthritis - we're even!"

Guy goes to a doctor. Doc sez: "You'll live to be 60!"
Patient: "I AM 60!" Doc sez: "See! What did I tell you?"

A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's
chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor
answers "That's what's puzzling me, too!"

Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears."
Doctor: "Don't answer!"

A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge
says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The
drunk says "Okay, let's get started."

A bum asked a Jewish fellow, "Give me $10
till payday." The Jewish fellow responded, "When's payday?"
The bum said, "How should I know! You're the one that's working!"

Why do Jewish divorces cost so much?
Because they're worth it.

Why do Jewish men die before their wives?
They want to.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I
would know what kind of work he's out of.

The Harvard School of Medicine did a study
of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The
study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton
spelled backward is Not Now.

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of
when life begins. In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not
considered viable until it graduates from medical school.

Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.

Q: Have you seen the newest Jewish-American-Princess
horror movie?
A: It's called "Debbie Does Dishes."

Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.

Q: What's a Jewish American Princess's favorite position?
A: Facing Bloomingdales.

A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his
mother he has a part in the play. She asks,
"What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the
Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says,
"Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."

Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.

Short summary of every Jewish holiday:
They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.

Q: What's the difference between a
Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.

Have a great weekend!!!

Hablas Inglés?

The quagmire we call a Government is spiraling out of control.

Strange, isn't it...our government has a problem pursuing employers who knowingly hire illegal aliens but has no problem going after small businesses and nonprofit organizations that simply ask employees to speak English while they are on the clock!

First, liberals told us we had to give up our religion, even during Christmas and the rest of the holiday season:

No prayers in school...
No nativity scenes on the town square...
No mention of God at high school graduations...

Next they told us we had to give up love of our country:

America is racist and sexist...
America coddles the rich and exploits the poor...
America is the most dangerous nation in the world...

NOW THEY'RE DEMANDING WE GIVE UP OUR LANGUAGE!

That's right! The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC) is going after a Salvation Army thrift store BECAUSE IT REQUIRED EMPLOYEES TO SPEAK ENGLISH ON THE JOB! The store even gave everyone a year to learn English. Two refused and were fired.

Here's what we're heading toward:

You go into a shoe store and the clerk doesn't even know the English word for shoe.

The waiter in a restaurant can't understand what you're ordering and brings you soft-boiled eggs instead of fried chicken.

A worker in a sawmill cuts off your right arm because he doesn't know the meaning of "STOP!"

This madness is one more consequence of allowing 12-20 million illegal aliens to pour across our borders unchecked.

This time, however, somebody is saying "NO MORE! ENOUGH!"

Senator Lamar Alexander (R-TN) has introduced a bill that -- if passed -- would stop EEOC dead in its tracks.

His bill would "make clear that it is not against federal law for an employer to require employees to speak English on the job."

Since Congress created the EEOC, it has the authority to tell it what to do AND WHAT NOT TO DO!

How does The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission rationalize speaking a foreign tongue in a privately-owned, English-speaking business? Who are they to dictate my employee's job requirements to be hired.

Ability to read, write and speak the English language to communicate with employees, customers, suppliers, in person, on the phone, and by written communications in a clear, straight-forward, and professional manner.

Must be able to work any shift and speak good English.

Is that to much to require???

Politics as Usual

Political Comment

Is it just me or do other people wish the presidential candidates actually would try to do something good for the country?

All I hear is how they are going to spend money or the same old rhetoric we always hear.

If you think getting a check for $800.00 or a tax break is going to solve the financial problems we have here in the U.S., then I have some ocean front property in Kansas I want to sell you.

Jolted by global recession fears, the Federal Reserve slashed interest rates Tuesday, and President Bush and leaders of Congress joined in a rare show of cooperation in promising urgent action to pump up the economy with upwards of $150 billion in tax cuts and government spending.



Market meltdowns overnight around the globe and growing anxiety at home stirred lawmakers and the administration toward swift action, possibly within a few weeks. Wall Street is plum serious about protecting consumers and investors who have watched their holdings shrink. Wall Street and global markets fear the stimulus package outlined by Bush is not enough to avert a recession. The Dow Jones industrial average is down nearly 10 percent since the beginning of the year - its worst first 14 trading days ever.

Official Washington was accentuating the positive.

"I really feel good that we have an opportunity to do something together," Reid said, standing in the White House driveway with Pelosi after talking with Bush. Reid said the size of a deal suggested by Bush was "a good number."

Administration officials are focusing on rebates of $800 to $1,600 for individuals and couples and so-called bonus depreciation to allow companies to deduct 50 percent of business investments made this year. Democrats say the package also should include boosts in unemployment benefits, food stamp payments and the Medicaid health care program for the poor and disabled. Talks between Pelosi and Minority Leader John Boehner, R-Ohio, have focused on smaller tax rebates of perhaps $500 for individuals.


No one is addressing fixing the Government as it now exists. All parties have these grand feel-good sound bites they feed us that in reality sooner or later raise our taxes but make for good T. V. politics.

Just once I wish a candidate would address fixing the problems without spending money.

Address the status-quo, out-of-control government, then we all would get tax relief that would stimulate the economy!!

Have you noticed no matter how many times you see the candidates speak, they interject the same exact words we have heard a million times.

Hillary Clinton is the best at political speak.

In one of her stops along the campaign trail she was asked what she thought of the snow that was falling, to which she replied "in my 35 years experience working for the people I have not seen prettier snow."

Kiss a baby, pet a dog, promise to refund a buck without mentioning it will cost a five to refund one, promise to put people to work while supporting signing trade agreements so nothing is made in the U.S. and support immigration reform so the people from Mexico can do the non-existent jobs the unemployed person in the U.S. wants to do.

It's scary when you look at the cast of characters running our country and those who want to run our country.

The opinions expressed here in bold print are mine and appear to be mine alone!!!

Good Kids, Smart Dog

Well, the holiday season is over and our boys, Stacey and Tyler, headed home to Reno taking Chloe, Stacey's dog, with them.

What a great holiday visit we had with Chloe and both our boys.












Can't wait until the next visit as we miss them already!!!

Death Takes Us All

Wow, reality sets in when you read the obituaries. In my mind it seems like these people are just kids like me. Reality is I have to face the fact I'm not a kid anymore either.


Suzanne Pleshette, the husky-voiced star best known for her role as Bob Newhart's sardonic wife on television's long-running "The Bob Newhart Show," has died at age 70.

Pleshette's career included roles in such films as Hitchcock's "The Birds."







Allan Melvin, a character actor best known for playing Sam the Butcher on "The Brady Bunch," has died. He was 84.






John Stewart, who wrote the Monkees' hit "Daydream Believer" and became a well-known figure in the 1960s folk music revival as a member of The Kingston Trio, has died, according to the band's Web site. He was 68.






Hula Hoop, Frisbee Maker Dies at 82

Richard Knerr, co-founder of the toy company that popularized the Hula Hoop, Frisbee and other fads that became classics, has died. He was 82.


A Legacy Of Kids' Toys

Wham-O co-founder Richard Knerr, whose company popularized the Hula Hoop, Frisbee and other classic toys has died at 82. Knerr once said that he contributed "fun" to America.

Knerr, who started Wham-O in 1948 with his childhood friend Arthur "Spud" Melin, died Monday at Methodist Hospital after suffering a stroke earlier in the day at his Arcadia home, his wife Dorothy told the Los Angeles Times.

Knerr and Melin got their start in business peddling slingshots. They named their enterprise Wham-O after the sound a slingshot made when it hit its target.

They branched into other sporting goods, including boomerangs and crossbows, then added toys that often bore such playful names as the Superball, Slip 'N Slide and Silly String.

When a friend told them in 1958 about a large ring used for exercise in Australia, they devised their own version and called it the Hula Hoop.

Around the same time, they bought the rights to a plastic flying disc invented by Walter "Fred" Morrison, who called it the Pluto Platter. Wham-O bought the rights and renamed it the Frisbee.

The rest is amusement history.

Move Over Idiot

It's Friday, let's talk about my pet peeve.

I've addressed this situation on my blog before but at least one state is finally doing something about it.

Hallelujah! Oklahoma busting slow drivers in left lane


If there is anything worse than someone doing tortoise-like speed in the left lane, it's someone doing tortoise-like speed in the left lane and driving next to someone doing tortoise-like speed in the right lane.

Oklahoma State Troopers aren't having any more of it and have begun enforcing the state's left lane law.

Section 41-11-301 dictates that "Upon all roadways any vehicle proceeding at less than the normal speed of traffic at the time and place under the conditions then existing shall be driven in the right-hand lane when available for traffic..."

What this means is that unless you're doing at least the speed limit or are about to make a left turn, you need to stay out of the left passing lane or risk being pulled over by the guys with the flashing rooftop lights.

Hurray for Oklahoma! I wish all the police would start ticketing these left-lane losers.

Everyone complains about these fools. Now one state is going to make them pay for being stupid!!

The Uniform Vehicle Code states:

Upon all roadways any vehicle proceeding at less than the normal speed of traffic at the time and place and under the conditions then existing shall be driven in the right-hand lane when available for traffic ...

Note that the law refers to the "normal" speed of traffic, not the "legal" speed of traffic. The 60 MPH driver in a 55 MPH zone where everybody else is going 65 MPH must move right.

Nevada law states:

Keep Right?
Nevada 484.373 Move right if "imped[ing] ... movement of traffic"


I've said it before and I'll say it again, "Lead, Follow, Or Get The Hell Out Of The Way."

If you want to check out your state laws click on State "keep right" laws .

To all the drivers out there that like to run rolling road blocks in the left lane because you think you are traffic cops, I hope you finally look in your mirror and see this guy with his lights and sirens on and he pulls your butt over.


700hp Hummer powered by a 7.0L supercharged V8 for a sheriff. Oh yeah baby make 'em pay!!!!!!

Players

OK sports fans, are you ready for some football memos?

Memo to Terrell Owens: There's no crying in football.


Terrell Owens gets emotional after Dallas lost to the Giants on Sunday.





Memo to Adam Jones: You lead a charmed life. Let's review some of your more notable accomplishments.

Pacman Allegedly Punches Woman

NASHVILLE, Tenn. - A woman is seeking an arrest warrant against suspended Tennessee Titans cornerback Adam "Pacman" Jones, claiming he punched her at an Atlanta strip club.

Fulton County Magistrate Court officials told The Associated Press on Tuesday that Wanda S. Jackson asked for the warrant after a Jan. 3 altercation at the Body Tap Strip Club. Jackson, an attorney, says in her filing that she was in the club's office when an angry Jones accused managers of stealing his money and bracelet.

"I was sitting in the office and he lunged at me numerous times in an effort to do grave bodily harm," Jackson wrote in the warrant application filed Jan. 7. "Veronica Jones, an owner, went into the hall to deal with a member of his entourage. I followed to gawk. He was in the hall, surprisingly reached over or around a security guard and sucker punched me in my left eye."

July 13, 2005- Arrested and charged with assault and felony vandalism after a nightclub altercation. This began Pacman Jones NFL rap sheet. He already had a lengthy one from high school and college.

October 2005- State of West Virginia filed a petition stating that Jones had not been contacting his probation officer and that he had not reported his July 2005 arrest. The judge extended the probation for just 90 days.

March 23, 2006- Charged with marijuana possession in Fayetteville, Georgia. He went on to claim that he knew how to beat the NFL’s drug test.

August 25, 2006- Arrested for disorderly conduct and public intoxication after being ordered by the cops to leave a Murfreesboro night club several times. Jones claimed a woman stole his wallet. The woman claimed that Jones spat on her.

Feburary 19, 2007- The facts are disputed and no charges have been made yet, but Jones was in the middle of a fight and shooting at a strip club in Las Vegas that left one man paralyzed and two more wounded. The fight broke out after Jones showered strippers on stage with $81,000 dollars.

January 3, 2008- Pacman is accused of punching Wanda S. Jackson in the face at an Atlanta strip club called the Body Tap Strip Club.

The above time line doesn't include his sentence of one year in prison for a bar fight in Morgantown, West Virginia while in college. The sentence was later suspended in exchange for two years of probation (because he is a really good football player).

It is totally amazing that the American people and the American justice system allow this guy to keep on doing what he does just because he is a really good football player.

One can only hope someday soon Adam Bernard Jones is "Making It Rain" in a prison somewhere.

You Gotta Be Kidding Me

GM Sees Driverless Cars on Horizon

Cars that drive themselves - even parking at their destination - could be ready for sale within a decade, General Motors Corp. executives say.


This is nothing new. I see driverless cars on the roads every day. There are idiots in them, but they are far from what I would consider driving the cars!!



same color different cars


Although a driverless car may in fact be a good idea!!!!





Man, 60, Sues Boy, 8, Over Ski Collision

VAIL, Colo. - A 60-year-old man is taking an 8-year-old boy and his dad to court, claiming the boy caused a ski-slope collision that left the older man with a shoulder injury.

David J. Pfahler of Allentown, Pa., sued in federal court in Denver, claiming Scott Swimm, then 7, was skiing fast and recklessly when they collided in January.

So when you strap on two long sticks to your feet and you point them downhill on snow no one expects you to be skiing fast and recklessly. I might just have to boycott the Reader's Digest.




Husband, Wife Discover They're Twins

LONDON - Twins who were separated at birth got married without realizing they were brother and sister, a lawmaker said, urging more information be provided on birth certificates for adopted children.

"They were never told that they were twins. They met later in life and felt an inevitable attraction, and the judge had to deal with the consequences of the marriage that they entered into and all the issues of their separation."

Wow this is more than just kissing your sister!!!!

Twins that give a new meaning to double your pleasure double your fun.

Some Good Stuff

Turn about fair play?

Man spots his wife during visit to brothel

WARSAW, Poland - A Polish man got the shock of his life when he visited a brothel and spotted his wife among the establishment's employees.

The woman had been making some extra money on the side while telling her husband she worked at a store in a nearby town.

"I was dumbfounded. I thought I was dreaming," the husband told the newspaper on Wednesday.

The couple, married for 14 years, are now divorcing, the newspaper reported.

And he thought it was OK for him to be there but not her?

He got mad because she wanted to charge him. He said, "Why should I have to pay - you are my wife?" She said, "You have to pay so I can act like I am enjoying it!!"




Man accused of stealing hunting knives hidden in waistband trips, stabs self

A man who hid hunting knives in his pants to try to steal them from a western Michigan store tripped while fleeing and stabbed himself in the abdomen, police say.

The man had put about $300 worth of hunting knives in his waistband, he tried to leave the store, but Meijer employees confronted him and a scuffle followed.

The man then fell and was stabbed by the knives he had hidden in his clothing, police said.

"I saw a man laying down on the mat by the carts, a knife by him with blood on the full blade of the knife," shopper Heather Dodd told WOOD-TV. "It was not a dull kitchen knife or a sharp butcher's knife, it was somewhere in between."

"Someone was holding him down so I just walked around him, grabbed my cart, made sure everything was OK and got out of the way."

OK the real story here is don't interrupt a woman shopping. The woman just walked around him, got her cart, and kept shopping.




How many of you saw the movie Weekend at Bernie's? These guys must have.

Pair Brings Corpse to Store to Cash Check

NEW YORK - Two men wheeled a dead man through the streets in an office chair to a check-cashing store and tried to cash his Social Security check before being arrested on fraud charges, police said.

David J. Dalaia and James O'Hare pushed Virgilio Cintron's body from the Manhattan apartment that O'Hare and Cintron shared to Pay-O-Matic, about a block away, spokesman Paul Browne said witnesses told police.

"The witnesses saw the two pushing the chair with Cintron flopping from side to side and the two individuals propping him up and keeping him from flopping from side to side," Browne said.

The men left Cintron's body outside the store, went inside and tried to cash his $355 check, Browne said. The store's clerk, who knew Cintron, asked the men where he was, and O'Hare told the clerk they would go and get him, Browne said.

Emergency medical technicians arrived as O'Hare and Dalaia were preparing to wheel Cintron's body into the check-cashing store.

Just like in Bernie's, he was flopping from side to side. Now that had to be hilarious.

Words

The R word

Recession is now a fact. How do I know? Well, easy, the news media and the politicians are uttering it.

Some of us average uneducated folks have been uttering the word for months but now we know for a fact it is here because we saw it on the news.

Let's see, the amazing revelation didn't hit the news stands until after the Christmas shopping season - interesting the difference a month can make.

Greenspan, who had served under several presidents of both parties retired two years ago. Odd, don't you think? Like he retired to spend more time with his family. Give me a break, he knew it was coming.

So everyone wants to blame it on the housing crash which for sure is a large part. Yeah, people wanting to live the American dream of owning a house over-extended themselves to buy one.

Shame on them. No one before them ever did that.

Yeah right, I remember buying my first house in 1976 and then having lawn chairs for furniture, sheets as drapes covering the windows and buying a refrigerator at Sears on our credit card.

Times are always tight then when you buy a house and now is no different except now all you hear is how stupid everyone was. Yeah, stupid for wanting a part of the American dream.

The fact that this country has been in a war for 6 years, devalued the dollar, and has let big oil companies rape and pillage the American public so what little money was left over to live on after the house payment disappeared doesn't count.

Housing is one of the last things here in America that is not imported and the crash has a huge impact on employment, not just to build them but all of the other outside jobs created by them from engineers, consultants, sales people, landscape people, bank people mortgage people, appliances sales people, manufacturers and the list goes on.

Just visit any Home Depot and observe how many items go into a house to make it livable and you get the picture of how many people are either now or soon to be unemployed.


The U word

This, like R word, is late as well. The unemployed work force is very large and growing. I see the low figures they are advertising, but reality is those are not accurate and may not be for some time, but trust me that number is larger than you think!!!

The dominoes have started falling and the maze is a larger complex one, so as each domino hits it will touch a lot more before the last one falls.

Times are going to get worse before they get better, so be prepared when you see yourself, relatives, neighbors or friends affected.

It will be easy to say "people created their own problems," however in their zest of trying to realize the American dream they are not the only people you can blame for this recession.

I hear people say the Government should not bail anyone out , but I suggest to you the Government with their waste and mismanagement forced us into this situation and ultimately if they don't fix this, everyone working or not will be hurt.

One has to wonder if the uneducated man on the street could see this coming, why did the educated people miss it?

American people losing their homes and jobs while our dollar is worthless is a sad commentary on our life in these United States Of America.

Bumperstickers

Some of the bumper stickers driving around out there:

Just say NO to negativity.

I thought I was indecisive; now I'm not so sure.

Beer doesn't make you fat. It makes you lean (against doors, tables, walls).

I feel better after I wine a little.

I didn't believe in reincarnation in my last life, either!

Time is what keeps everything from happening at once.

Don't believe everything you think.

An Apple a day keeps Windows away.

Few women admit their age; few men act it.

When you do a good deed, get a receipt in case heaven is like the IRS.

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

Stoplights timed for 30 mph are also timed for 60 mph.

What we need is a patch for stupidity!

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of smart?

Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you weren't asleep.

Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye opener.

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

Vote Democrat - it's easier than working!

Vote Republican - it's easier than thinking!

Excess is never too much in moderation.

"I'm not going to argue, but I'm right!"

I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them.

What would Scooby do?

What if the hokey pokey is really what it's all about?


Enjoy your drive!!

Label Me Stupid

How many of you read those warning labels?

I'm sure more women than men read them because women are smarter that way. But we all should read them as we may be prone to a serious misuse if we don't.



Here are a few award winners.

'Danger: Avoid Death' Label Wins Award

DETROIT - A warning on a small tractor that reads "Danger: Avoid Death" has been chosen as the nation's wackiest warning label by an anti-lawsuit group.

The Wacky Warning Label Contest, now in its 11th year, is conducted by Novi-based Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch as part of an effort to show the effects of lawsuits on warning labels.

Photo Gallery: Wacky Warnings



"Do not iron while wearing shirt."




"Do not put child in bag."




A letter opener that says,"Caution: Safety goggles recommended."





"The Vanishing Fabric Marker should not be used as a writing instrument for signing checks or any legal documents."




After seeing the seriousness of this, won't you start reading those labels now?

Stupidity Should Be Painful

Man, the following stuff really breaks my heart.

Teary-Eyed Clinton Vows to Fight On

A teary-eyed Hillary Clinton pushed for support on Monday as polls showed her poised for a huge New Hampshire loss to Democratic rival Barack Obama, but the former front-runner vowed to carry on with her presidential quest even if she loses.

"Some of us put ourselves out there and do this," she said, her voice breaking and her eyes glistening with tears, "against some pretty difficult odds and we do it each one of us because we care about our country."

"But some of us are right and some of us are wrong," she said in a hesitant, quaking voice. "Some of us are ready and some of us are not."

The incident resurrected memories of former Maine Sen. Edmund Muskie's tears during the 1972 New Hampshire campaign, credited with helping to bring down his front-running bid.

There she finally played it - the crying card.

She has the audacity to say "we do it, each one of us, because we care about our country."

Right, power and money have nothing to do with it.

I can see it now, when she is meeting with the leaders from other countries and they tell her no, she will start crying. That's the kind of leader we need.

I wonder if this means Oprah sways more votes than Streisand?



Starbucks Replaces CEO With Chairman

The move, coupled with plans to close some U.S. stores and slow down opening new ones, comes as the world's largest chain of coffee houses has seen its stock plummet 50 percent over the last year amid declining traffic in its domestic stores.

Maybe if people knew what size Tall, Grande and Venti were they would sell more.

This is the United States and other than tall, Grande and Venti appear to be a foreign language.

Or better yet if a cup of coffee didn't cost $7.50 for ten cents worth of coffee their stock might do better!!




High Court Hears Lethal Injection Case

The Supreme Court appeared divided Monday over whether the drugs commonly injected to execute prisoners risk causing excruciating pain in violation of the Constitution.

Boy I agree we should not give these nice people a lethal injection that may risk causing excruciating pain.

I mean all those people on death row certainly didn't cause any pain to anyone themselves.

I honestly believe that we also cause way too much pain and anguish to them by waiting over 10 years on average to follow the court-ordered execution.

The execution should be done within five days so there is no pain and anguish.

To eliminate the excruciating pain supposedly caused by lethal injections, we should make it quick by using a guillotine or a firing squad.

That way they are dead before they realize there is any pain!!




TV Sidekick Found Naked in Truck


Tim Chapman, associate of famed TV bounty hunter Duane 'Dog' Chapman, was discovered naked in his truck by a security guard.

Tim Chapman's attorney, Brook Hart, said it was all a misunderstanding.

"It was simply a man who wet his pants with orange juice inadvertently and was changing them, doing nothing wrong at all and believing he had sufficient privacy to do it," Hart said.

Blaring on his stereo was the song "Alone Again Naturally".

He should have used Bounty paper towels for that spill. They are advertised as "The Quicker Picker Upper".

You know what they say, timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Every path has a few puddles.

Old People's Toyota

I never thought I would embrace a Toyota, however they may be on to something.

Toyota and Nintendo Team Up for "Elderly-Friendly" Car

The older people get, the harder it is to drive -- reflexes slow, eyesight goes, and one's level of awareness drops as the years pass. These unfortunate realities of aging can make driving a potentially lethal proposition for those getting on in years (not to mention the drivers around them).

Governments, however, are not about to start confiscating drivers licenses when people are old enough to collect social security, so the challenge becomes how to minimize the danger involved with putting those in their golden years on the road.

Toyota is teaming up with Professor Ryuta Kawashima, who worked for Nintendo to develop the DS hit 'Brain Training,' which uses simple and fun puzzles to sharpen the mind and tell you how old your brain is. Toyota and Dr. Kawashima are working on a system that will monitor the moves of aging drivers and help them avoid dangerous behaviors. The ideas currently on the drawing board are an automatic braking system that can curb unnecessary accelerating, a navigation system (duh) and climate controls that will help keep the driver alert and comfortable.

"Ultimately, we hope to develop cars that stimulate brain activity so that driving itself becomes a form of brain training," Dr. Kawashima says. Toyota and the professor hope to have a basic form of the system ready for deployment within five years. Toyota's system isn't the only game in town, though, that is looking to save some lives by keeping drivers alert, Nissan has been working on its Intelligent Transportation System for some time now.

Nintendo has cornered the market on electronics marketed to the elderly at this point. 'Brain Training' and the 'Brain Age' series on the handheld DS and 'Wii Sports' and 'Wii Fitness' have also proven to be huge hits with older consumers looking to dull the effects of aging.

A lot more than old people need this car.

There are a lot of people of all ages driving today that could use some form of brain training.

I also think they should make an adjustable windshield that you program the passenger's vision and your vision and the part of the windshield sets to your eyesight so no glasses are required.

You asked for it, you got it "Toyota!!"

Goodbye in '08

As we welcome in the New Year of 2008 there are some of our favorite things that we will lose this year.

You Won't See These
In 2008


Grape Pop-Tarts
Kellogg discontinued production of frosted grape Pop-Tarts in May due to low customer demand. There have been many flavors of Pop-Tarts debuted since their launch in 1964.


How can so many people like wine but not Grape Pop-Tarts?


House & Garden Magazine
After the December issue, the 106-year-old magazine is being shut down for the second time. It folded in 1993 before being relaunched two years later. It was one of Condé Nast's oldest titles.


And now how will my garden grow?



CompUSA
Can you believe the richest man in the world, Carlos Slim, could turn a multi-billion dollar investment into zero dollars in just eight years? Well, he did. A consumer electronics retailer for 20 years, CompUSA will be closing its remaining 103 stores by the end of 2007 due to financial difficulties amid tough competition from retailers like Best Buy.


I hated the store but they had the hard-to-find items.


Bombay Company
You won't be seeing Bombay Company after this holiday season. Founded in 1978, the furniture and home accessories retailer officially filed for bankruptcy in September of 2007. It has been sold to Gordon Brothers/Hilco.



I always thought it was a bar specializing in Gin. Maybe others did too which contributed to its demise.


Levitz
Levitz used to be one of the biggest home furniture stores in the U.S. However, this year it has filed for bankruptcy for the third (and final) time in 10 years.

Founded in 1910, the 97-year-old furniture store began closing its 76 stores this December.


To think after 97 years they couldn't get it right.



Coca-Cola Blak
Introduced to much fanfare in 2006, Coke Blak was Coca-Cola's attempt at mixing Coke with coffee. An eight-ounce bottle of Coca-Cola Blak contained 46 milligrams of caffeine.

In late August, after just one year on the market, it was announced that Coca-Cola will discontinue the drink once supplies run out.


What fanfare. I never heard of it so I guess a lot of other people haven't either and that may be why it is going away.



Topps Meat
Founded in 1940 by Benjamin Sachs, Topps Meat Company distributed and produced frozen ground beef. The company ceased production in October due to E. coli contamination -- making history by conducting one of the largest beef recalls in the U.S., second only to Hudson Food Company's recall in 1997.


If they can't keep their machines clean then they deserve to close.



The McRib

Originally added to McDonald's menu in 1981, the McRib was first discontinued back in 1985 due to mediocre sales. Following some occasional limited runs, it was pulled again in 2005 following a 'McRib Farewell Tour.'

McDonald's brought back the McRib once again in October for the 'McRib Farewell Tour 3.'


The McRib has had more farewell tours than Cher.



Cingular
When AT&T acquired BellSouth in December of 2006, it also heralded the end to Cingular. Cingular also came under AT&T with this acquisition, and its brand was eventually weeded out from AT&T during the acquisition transition that ended in June.


I'm so confused.

Sad to see so much change and businesses closing!!!

The End of 2007

Friday, Friday, the end of a short long week.

This marks the 3rd year that a group of us that meet at the park with our dogs every night have a New Year's Eve people and pooch party.

This year with New Year's Eve falling on a work day for some, we had a New Year's Eve Eve party.

I have said it before and I will say it again, these parties are a variation of the old pot luck parties I remember as a youngster. Good food with good people, except we include our dogs.


























Now that's the way to end the year!!!