Another Short quiz

Friday's test of knowledge.

These are not trick questions. They are straight questions with straight answers. See how you do.

1. Name the one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends.

2. What famous North American landmark is constantly moving backward?

3. Of all vegetables, only two can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons. All other vegetables must be replanted every year. What are the only two perennial vegetables?

4. What fruit has its seeds on the outside?

5. In many liquor stores, you can buy pear brandy, with a real pear inside the bottle. The pear is whole and ripe, and the bottle is genuine; it hasn't been cut in any way. How did the pear get inside the bottle?

6. Only three words in standard English begin with the letters ' dw' and they are all common words. Name two of them.

7. There are 14 punctuation marks in English grammar. Can you name at least half of them?

8. Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

9. Name 6 or more things that you can wear on your feet beginning with the letter 'S.'


Answers To Quiz:

1. The one sport in which neither the spectators nor the participants know the score or the leader until the contest ends - Boxing

2. North American landmark constantly moving backward - Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

3. Only two vegetables that can live to produce on their own for several growing seasons -Asparagus and Rhubarb.

4. The fruit with its seeds on the outside - Strawberry.

5. How did the pear get inside the brandy bottle? - It grew inside the bottle. (The bottles are placed over pear buds when they are small, and are wired in place on the tree. The bottle is left in place for the entire growing season. When the pears are ripe, they are snipped off at the stems.)

6. Three English words beginning with dw - dwarf, dwell and dwindle.

7. Fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar - period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

8. The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked , or in any other form but fresh - Lettuce.

9. Six or more things you can wear on your feet beginning with 'S' - shoes, socks, sandals, sneakers, slippers, skis, skates, snowshoes, stockings and stilts.


There you go, you're smarter than you thought.

Remember, "Life is a highway that is better enjoyed with the cruise control off."

Educated And Refined

Are You Serious

Iowa State University did a study that I could have told them the answer to and I don't have a college education.

The key to happiness in marriage can pretty much be summed up like this: A husband says to his wife, "Yes, dear." (A lot.)

Men may hold the power and wealth of the workplace, but women rule the home. That's the word from a team of researchers at Iowa State University, who have determined that women take the lead on solving the problems of the marriage and household -- and men are basically happy to let them do that.

The study: The participants were 72 couples who had been married an average of seven years. All were relatively happy in their marriages. Each spouse independently completed a questionnaire about relationship satisfaction and did an assessment of overall decision-making within the relationship. Separately, each person was asked to identify a problem in the relationship. Couples were reunited and discussed those problem topics for 10 minutes. After the researchers left the room, these conversations were videotaped.

The results: The researchers rated each couple's interaction for demand and withdraw behaviors, including avoidance, discussion, blame, pressure for change and withdrawal. Overall, the wives not only talked more, but also got their husbands to agree with them.

"The women were communicating more powerful messages, and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in," study co-leader David Vogel said in a statement. "The study at least suggests that the marriage is a place where women can exert some power. Whether or not it's because of changing societal roles, we don't know. But they are, at least, taking responsibility and power in these relationships."

The women were communicating more powerful messages and men were responding to those messages by agreeing or giving in. Of course the men give in or they never will get sex.

Women take the lead on solving the problems of the marriage and household -- and men are basically happy to let them do that. The wives talked more, the men just want sex!!

The University had to do a study to know this, geez. Those are those facts of life fathers pass on to their children.




Obviously the heads of the F. D. A. don't have a high school education!!

FDA Looks at Wrong Plant in China

WASHINGTON - U.S. health officials evaluated the wrong factory when assessing the safety of a Chinese-made drug ingredient that may be a source of problems with a blood thinner, the Food and Drug Administration said Monday.

Baxter International's heparin has been linked to four deaths and hundreds of reports of allergic reactions. An investigation will take FDA inspectors to China this week.

The Chinese manufacturer was not inspected because it was confused with another company in the agency's database with a similar name, said Joseph Famulare, deputy director of the Center for Drug Evaluation and Research's compliance department. The FDA evaluated that firm, which had a history of positive inspections and was not re-inspected.

The agency discovered within the past month that the wrong factory was evaluated, Famulare said, adding that as far as the FDA knows, it is an isolated incident.

Investigators will travel to China this week to inspect the company that produces the drug's active ingredient, according to Michael Rogers, director of the division of field investigations within the FDA's office of regulatory affairs. The team will include a chemist fluent in Chinese and an expert in drug manufacturing technology.

"We've given this team the flexibility to extend this inspection as long as it takes as well as investigate the appropriate leads within China," he said.

So they have to go to China as the F.D.A. has no one stationed there to check what China poisons us with.

What, who ever heard of a Chineese business with similar names?

So when they arrived at the wrong factory, just what did they inspect?

The team will include a chemist fluent in Chinese and an expert in drug manufacturing technology. So this means the previous inspectors spoke English and had no idea what they were inspecting.

Does this bother anyone besides me?



OK now a story my dog Zoe' insisted I read.

German Police Dogs to Wear Shoes

BERLIN - Police dogs in the western city of Duesseldorf will no longer get their feet dirty when on patrol - the entire dog unit will soon be equipped with blue plastic fiber shoes, a police spokesman said Monday.

"All 20 of our police dogs - German and Belgian shepherds - are currently being trained to walk in these shoes," Andre Hartwich said. "I'm not sure they like it, but they'll have to get used to it."
The unusual footwear is not a fashion statement, Hartwich said, but rather a necessity due to the high rate of paw injuries on duty. Especially in the city's historical old town - famous for both its pubs and drunken revelers - the dogs often step into broken beer bottles.












Alright, my dog Zoe' read this and is now insisting she wants several pairs of shoes to make a fashion statement.

She mentioned looking at purses as well!!!

I wonder where she got the shoe idea from?

I have to end this now as Zoe' is hounding me to teach her how to tie shoes!!!

Something For Everyone

Mid week, Woo Hoo

The Academy Awards were just on T.V. and they were showing old clips of years past. One clip for some reason they never show is when actress Jayne Mansfield accidentally exhaled her breast out of her dress during the telecast of the Academy Awards in 1957. That would improve their low ratings for sure.


They say when you get older your memory starts to fade. John Mc Cain at age 71 has given credence to that. It seems he forgot that he had an extramarital affair with a female lobbyist named Vicki Iseman.


Remember how The Lone Ranger's trusty companion, Tonto, called him "Kemo Sabe?" Obviously Lone didn't know Kemo Sabe means "soggy shrub" in Navajo.


Golfers use an estimated $800 million worth of golf balls annually.


I was talking Golf to my friend Wally the other day and I asked him what his handicap was. He told me it was his driver and his putter.


Wal-Mart sells so much stuff from China that they are contemplating adding Chinese cars to their line of goods.


Have you ever noticed how some kids look identical to their fathers?






















I smoke because I am just following doctor's orders. From the 1500's to the 1700's, tobacco was prescribed by doctors to treat a variety of ailments including headaches, toothaches, arthritis and bad breath. I have an old doctor.


It takes 17 muscles to smile --- 43 to frown. Laughing lowers levels of stress hormones and strengthens the immune system. Six-year-olds laugh an average of 300 times a day. Adults only laugh 15 to 100 times a day. That is one reason I choose not to grow up.


A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it is decapitated. Scientists first learned this when a person was decapitated in a car accident and as the head was rolling down the street witnesses heard the head singing "I ain't got nobody."


Do you know who is buried in Grants tomb? Nobody is buried in Grant’s tomb. President & Mrs. Grant are entombed there. A body is buried only when it is placed in the ground and covered with dirt.


On average women say 7,000 words per day. Men manage just over 2000. Now there's a news flash!!!


"Don't worry about a thing, because there's nothing that's going to be all right."

Have You Noticed

Feeling the Pinch?

Hold on to your food budget! You're paying as much as 36% more than last year for common kitchen staples, like eggs, bread, milk, chicken and more.

White Bread
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.14
Dec. 2007 Price: $1.28

Increase: 12.8%

Fresh Whole Milk

Fortified, Per Gal.

Dec. 2006 Price: $3.00
Dec. 2007 Price: $3.87

Increase: 28.8%

A Dozen Eggs
Grade A, Large

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.54
Dec. 2007 Price: $2.10

Increase: 36%

All-Purpose Flour
White, Per Lb.

Dec. 2006 Price: $0.32
Dec. 2007 Price: $0.40

Increase: 25.2%

Peanut Butter
Creamy, Per Lb.

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.72
Dec. 2007 Price: $1.88

Increase: 9.4%

American Processed Cheese
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $3.61
Dec. 2007 Price: $3.91

Increase: 8.3%

Red Delicious Apples
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.03
Dec. 2007 Price: $1.12

Increase: 9.2%

Bananas
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $0.50
Dec. 2007 Price: $0.53

Increase: 5.2%

Tomatoes
Field Grown, Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.64
Dec. 2007 Price: $2.15

Increase: 31%

Iceberg Lettuce
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $0.90
Dec. 2007 Price: $0.95

Increase: 5.9%

Sweet Peppers
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.89
Dec. 2007 Price: $2.19

Increase: 15.7%

Lemons
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.66
Dec. 2007 Price: $2.05

Increase: 23.2%

Strawberries
Dry Pint, Per 12 Oz.

Dec. 2006 Price: $2.90
Dec. 2007 Price: $3.07

Increase: 5.9%

Broccoli
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.46
Dec. 2007 Price: $1.66

Increase: 13.4%

Sliced Bacon
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $3.46
Dec. 2007 Price: $3.69

Increase: 6.7%

Ground Chuck
100% Beef, Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $2.61
Dec. 2007 Price: $2.70

Increase: 3.7%

Fresh Whole Chicken
Per Pound

Dec. 2006 Price: $1.06
Dec. 2007 Price: $1.17

Increase: 10.3%

Cola
Non-Diet Cola, Per 2 Liters
Dec. 2006 Price: $1.14
Dec. 2007 Price: $1.28

Increase: 12.4%

Potato Chips

Chips, Per 16 Oz.
Dec. 2006 Price: $3.41
Dec. 2007 Price: $3.65

Increase: 7%

Your Favorite Drinks
Ground Roast Coffee

(Per Pound)
12 Mo. Increase: 18.4%

Orange Juice Concentrate
(12 Ounce Can)

12 Mo. Increase: 13.3%

Red or White Table Wine
(Per Liter)

12 Mo. Increase: 8%



These are just a few of the increases we have seen.

I suspect in 2008 we will see even more!!!

Chance Of A Life Time

Investors welcome.

Ok this is your chance to invest in something that will make you some real money.

Here's my idea:

Everything we do nowadays is fast paced, gotta go here, gotta get there. That is why fast food restaurants exist.

Here is my proposal - Drive-in funerals!

















That's right.

Maybe some of you remember the multiplex drive- in theaters. Four screens with a concession stand in the middle.















When you get right down to it, funerals are an inconvenience for everyone, not only the person that died but for the family having to sit and be stared at by those attending.

Those attending normally have to take time off from work, delay a trip out of town, dress different than normal, farm out the kids, do something with the dog or miss a meal.

It can really mess up your plans.

With the drive-in funeral it is a win win for everyone.

Here is how my idea works:

Just the family, the deceased and the preacher have a service which is filmed.

That way the family is comfortable and if the preacher makes a mistake with the name or something else, a second or third take can be shot.

Now the best part:
To make it convenient for people to attend the funeral, it can be shown on the screen more than one time on a specific day.

The funeral could be shown on the big screen in the evening on Monday through Thursday, that way it doesn't interfere with work or with weekend plans for funeral goers.

With a multiplex you can also have several funerals at the same time.

People don't have to dress up, they can bring crying kids and their pets and they don't disturb anyone.

There is also the convenience of arriving late and staying for the next showing so you don't miss anything.

There would be a flower shop where orders could be called in and flowers could be placed on the speaker posts throughout the lot.

People could either come early or stay for the second showing and during the time prior to the start of the funeral, between or after the funeral they could stop by the snack bar and grab dinner or snacks to enjoy in the comfort of their car while watching the funeral.












WAG'S SNACK BAR MENU

Our Famous Big Mamaburger (with or without onions) 3.50

Big Mamaburger with Cheese (with or without onions) 3.75

Hot Buttered Popcorn 1.75 - 2.75 - 3.75

Ice Cold Pop
Coke, Diet Coke, Sprite, Barq's Root Beer
Lemonade, Orange Drink, Fruit Punch 1.50 - 1.75 - 2.00

Bottled Water 1.45

Sizzling Hot Dogs 2.50

Cheese Dogs (with Nacho Cheese) 3.00

Chili Cheese Dogs 3.80

Homemade Barbecue on a Bun 3.50

Nachos with Cheese
(Jalapeno Peppers - $.50) 2.50

Golden French Fries
(with Nacho Cheese - $1.00 more)
(with Chili - $1.00 more) 1.50 - 2.50

Corn Dog on a Stick 2.50

Mini Corn Dogs (6) with fries 3.80

Golden Mini Tacos (10) 3.80

Chicken Strips (3) with fries 4.75

Candy Bars and Boxed Candy 1.25 - 3.00

Grilled Cheese 2.50

Pizza (12") 9.00

Onion Rings 2.50

Cheddar Munchers 2.50

Coffee .75

Ice Cream Treats
Ice Cream Bars, Sandwiches, Drumsticks
1.90

T-shirts 14.00

Hats 9.00

On weekends it will turn back into the old fashioned drive-in theater.

I am filing for a patent for this idea and you have the opportunity to get in on the ground floor of this revolutionary idea.

Sign up now as people are dying to be a part of this!!!

Give It Up

Now this is my kind of Church!!

Church Urges Hanky Panky Among Members

YBOR CITY, Fla. - A southwest Florida church issued a challenge for its married members: Hanky panky every day. Relevant Church head pastor Paul Wirth issued the 30-day sex challenge to take on high divorce rates.

"And that's no different for people who attend church," Wirth said Sunday. "Sometimes life gets in the way. Our jobs get in the way."

Get on your knees brothers and sisters!!

Oh thank you Lord! Can I get an AMEN?

I say can I get an Amen!!




Dog Honored for Donating Blood

HOWELL, Mich. - He's donated blood 20 times and is being honored by the Livingston County chapter of the American Red Cross.

















Lurch, a 200-pound English Mastiff, is being honored by his local American Red Cross chapter in Michigan. The 2-year-old has donated blood 20 times, helping dozens of dogs.

Not bad for a 200-pound, 2-year-old English mastiff who answers to the name Lurch. He'll receive the chapter's "Pet's Best Friend" award at an event here Thursday.

Lurch's owner, Joni Melvin-Thiede, said Lurch donates blood for other canines about once every four weeks. His blood has helped dozens, including saving one dog who got into some rat poison.

"You really don't end up knowing which dogs he helps, but his little picture goes on each bag so the person that gets it will actually know it."

Besides being cooperative with nurses, Lurch is also friendly with his housemates: four pugs, seven cats and the occasional litter of kittens. There's also an American mastiff named Lucas, who teams with Lurch to eat about 200 pounds of food per month.

Man's best friend and dog's best friend, this dog does it all!!!

Now those types of stories are definitely the way to end the week don't ya think?

Unbelievable

WOW this is scary!!!!

Michelle Obama

















Campaigning in Wisconsin on Monday, Mrs. Obama said, "For the first time in my adult lifetime I am really proud of my country."


The only time in her adult life that she is proud of her country is when her husband got more votes than Hillary.

The country that gave her an opportunity to live free, get a good education, obtain wealth, has given her husband an opportunity to hold the highest office in the land and she for the first time in her adult lifetime is really proud of her country. Maybe she should ask not what her country can do for her, but what she could do for her country!!!

If she has not been proud of her country, she should go to another one!!!

This is not the type person we need or want as the first lady in the White House!!

Another Day Off

Taking another day off!!

Day Off

Taking the day off today!!

Memory Quiz

Here's a little quiz to see how much you remember about some less-than-important things from a few decades back. It's just for fun, no scoring involved. Even the wrong answers may bring back a memory or two. Have Fun (but no peeking!).

1. What builds strong bodies 12 ways?

A. Flintstones vitamins
B. The buttmaster
C. Spaghetti
D. Wonder Bread
E. Orange Juice
F. Milk
G. Cod Liver Oil


2. Before he was Muhammed Ali, he was...

A. Sugar Ray Robinson
B. Roy Orbison
C. Gene Autry
D. Rudolph Valentino
E. Fabian
F. Mickey Mantle
G. Cassius Clay


3. Pogo, the comic strip character said, "We have met the enemy and...

A. It's you
B. He is us
C. It's the Grinch
D. He wasn't home
E. He's really mean
F. We quit
G. He surrendered


4. Good night, David.

A. Good night, Chet
B. Sleep well
C. Good Night, Irene
D. Good Night, Gracie
E. See you later, alligator
F. Until tomorrow
G. Good night, Steve


5. You'll wonder where the yellow went,

A. When you use Tide
B. When you lose your crayons
C. When you clean your tub
D. If you paint the room blue
E. If you buy a soft water tank
F. When you use Lady Clairol
G. When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent


6. Before he was the Skipper's Little Buddy, Bob Denver was Dobie's friend,

A. Stuart Whitman
B. Randolph Scott
C. Steve Reeves
D. Maynard G. Krebbs
E. Corky B. Dork
F. Dave the Whale
G. Zippy Zoo


7. Liar, liar...

A. You're a liar
B. Your nose is growing
C. Pants on fire
D. Join the choir
E. Jump up higher
F. On the wire
G. I'm telling Mom


8. Meanwhile, back in Metropolis, Superman fights a never ending battle for truth, justice and...

A. Wheaties
B. Lois Lane
C. TV ratings
D. World peace
E. Red tights
F. The American way
G. News headlines


9 . Hey, kids, what time is it?

A. It's time for Yogi Bear
B. It's time to do your homework
C. It's Howdy Doody Time
D. It's Time for Romper Room
E. It's bedtime
F. The Mighty Mouse Hour
G. Scoopy Doo Time


10. Lions and tigers and bears...

A. Yikes
B. Oh no
C. Gee whiz
D. I'm scared
E. Oh My
F. Help Help
H. Let's run


11. Bob Dylan advised us never to trust anyone

A. Over 40
B. Wearing a uniform
C. Carrying a briefcase
D. Over 30
E. You don't know
F. Who says, "Trust me"
G. Who eats tofu


12. NFL quarterback who appeared in a television commercial wearing women's stockings.

A. Troy Aikman
B. Kenny Stabler
C. Joe Namath
D. Roger Stauback
E. Joe Montana
F. Steve Young
G. Jo hn Elway


13. Brylcream...

A. Smear it on
B. You'll smell great
C. Tame that cowlick
D. Greaseball hea ven
E. It's a dream
F. We're your team
G. A little dab'll do ya


14. I found my thrill...

A. In Blueberry muffins
B. With my man, Bill
C. Down at the mill
D. Over the windowsill
E. With thyme and dill
F. Too late to enjoy
G. On Blueberry Hill


15. Before Robin Williams, Peter Pan was played by

A. Clark Gable
B. Mary Martin
C. Doris Day
D. Errol Flynn
E. Sally Fields
F. Jim Carey
G. Jay Leno


16. Name the Beatles

A. John, Steve, George , Ringo
B. John, Paul, George , Roscoe
C. John, Paul, Stacey, Ringo
D. Jay, Paul, George , Ringo
E. Lewis, Peter, George , Ringo
F. Jason, Betty, Skipper, Hazel
G. John, Paul, George , Ringo


17. I wonder, wonder, wonder, who

A. Who ate the leftovers?
B. Who did the laundry?
C. Was it you?
D. Who wrote the book of love?
E. Who I am? F. Passed the test?
G . Knocked on the door?


18. I'm strong to the finish

A. Cause I eats my broccoli
B. Cause I eats me spinach
C. Cause I lift weights
D. Cause I'm the hero
E. And don't you forget it
F. Cause Olive Oyl loves me
G. To outlast Bruto


19. When it's least expected, you're elected, you're the star today...

A. Smile, you're on Candid Camera
B. Smile, you're on Star Search
C. Smile, you won the lottery
D. Smile, we're watching you
E. Smile, the world sees you
F. Smile, you're a hit
G. Smile, you're on TV


20. What do M & M's

A. Make your tummy happy
B. Melt in your mouth, not in your pocket
C. Make you fat
D. Melt your heart
E. Make you popular
F. Melt in your mouth, not in your hand
G. Come in colors


Okay, now scroll down for the answers!






Okay, that's it. Here are the right answers.
1 D - Wonder Bread
2 G - Cassius Clay
3 B - He Is Us
4 A - Good night, Chet
5 G - When you brush your teeth with Pepsodent
6 D - Maynard G. Krebbs
7 C - Pants On Fire
8 F - The American Way
9 C - It's Howdy Doody Time
10 E - Oh My
11 D - Over 30
12 C - Joe Namath
13 G - A little dab'll do ya
14 G - On Blueberry Hill
15 B - Mary Martin
16 G - John, Paul, George , Ringo
17 D - Who wrote the book of Love
18 B - Cause I eats me spinach
19 A - Smile, you're on Candid Camera
20 F - Melt In Your Mouth Not In Your Hand

It might help if you are over 60; this is no "pushover".

Silliness

Woo Hoo, it's Friday.

For my work, I drive around town a lot and see a lot of unusual things.

Today I saw something so funny to me I almost fell out of my truck.

I stopped for a jogger that crossed the road in front of me and as he ran by I observed he was wearing a large blue turban.

The turban wasn't any big deal, but what cracked me up was the sweat band he had tied around his turban. Now that was funny, but maybe you had to be there to appreciate the humor.



You know a lot is made about Las Vegas and "What happens here stays here," but we take a back seat to New York.

NYC Unveils Official New Condom

NEW YORK - The official New York City condom has a different look and a sexy new slogan: New Yorkers are being encouraged to "get some" on Valentine's Day.

Street teams will be handing out the free condoms at busy hubs around the city on Thursday, including Times Square, Wall Street and near City Hall.

And an ad campaign on television, radio and subways and buses will soon begin, featuring the catch phrase.

"We want to give away as many condoms as people will use because we're trying to make New York City an even safer place to have sex, and this is a powerful way to do it," said Monica Sweeney, the Health Department's assistant commissioner for HIV prevention and control.

The city has made free condoms available for years, but last year revamped the package with a distinct look to encourage usage. Since then the city has been giving away 3 million condoms a month on average, up from 1.5 million a month before the redesign.

The design introduced last year was a black wrapper stamped with the letters "NYC CONDOM" in the same font and bright colors used on city subway maps and signs.

The new design unveiled Wednesday features the letters "NYC" in black, inside three adjoining white circles. Underneath the "NYC" is the word "CONDOM," with each letter in a different color. The wrapper is still black and the condom inside, from the Lifestyles brand, is the same.

Designer Yves Behar, founder of the San Francisco-based agency fuseproject, created the wrapper's new look, which he said he wanted to be friendly and unintimidating.

The city said new condom dispensers, also designed by Behar, will be available for establishments that wish to distribute the condoms. Currently about 900 establishments - some restaurants, bars and salons but mostly nonprofit groups - offer the condoms, Sweeney said.


The city has been giving away 3 million condoms a month. It's obvious their slogan "get some" must be working. They are getting busy as well!!!

Talk about a friendly city, sounds like a great place to visit!!!!



Speaking of friendly people, Bridgeport, Michigan, has a police department that likes to keep people off the streets.

Police Post Callers Get Exciting Message

BRIDGEPORT, Michigan - People calling a Michigan state police post got an unexpected pitch for phone sex. Calls to the Bridgeport post's main number were met Wednesday morning with a recorded message saying, "Indulge yourself with the most exciting conversation imaginable."

That was followed by a telephone number for a phone sex line.

The mix-up was an "internal issue that has nothing to do with the phone company" and an investigation is underway.

"Indulge yourself with the most exciting conversation imaginable." Wow after one call says it all you can head off to New York!!!


However if you do the above and get caught, head on down to Charleston, W.Va.

Radio Station Giving Away Free Divorce

CHARLESTON, W.Va. (AP) - A Charleston radio station is observing Valentine's Day with a reminder that Cupid sometimes misses his mark.

WKLC-FM, better known as Rock 105, is giving away a free divorce.

Valentine's Day isn't all hearts and flowers, says WKLC Program Director Jay Nunley. There is a darker side, he said, "where maybe you despise your spouse and resent the entire day."

Through 4 p.m. on Thursday, Valentine's Day, applications for the free divorce will be accepted on the classic rock station's Web site, www.wklc.com. The winning name will be drawn at 5 p.m.

Nunley cautions that this is a real divorce and people shouldn't enter if they aren't serious. Also, people expecting a long, drawn-out legal battle should hire a lawyer because the Rock 105 contest is for a relatively uncomplicated divorce.

Charleston attorney Rusty Webb will handle the actual filing.

"Sure we can give away concert tickets, and we do," said Nunley. "That's going to make you happy for a little while. This is the chance to make someone happy for the rest of their life."


I doubt they will get too many entries from men unless the men only want the clothes on their back because there is no such thing as an uncomplicated divorce.

A Valentine to Remember

Today is Valentine's Day!!!!


The day is most closely associated with the mutual exchange of love notes in the form of "valentines." Modern Valentine symbols include the heart-shaped outline and the figure of the winged Cupid.

It has also become more commonly known as The Hallmark Holiday.

Since the 19th century, handwritten notes have largely given way to mass-produced greeting cards.

The U.S. Greeting Card Association estimates that approximately one billion valentines are sent each year worldwide, making the day the second largest card-sending holiday of the year behind Christmas.

The association estimates women purchase approximately 85 percent of all valentines.

Let's take a trip down memory lane.

How many of you remember receiving the little candy hearts with sayings on them?


Ah, I remember them well.

In Grade School I remember receiving ones with cute sayings like:

Get Lost
Disappear
What A Pain
No More
Shut Up
Leave Us Alone
Not Again
Be Gone
Oh No
Why You
Leave Now
Get Out
Be Theirs
You're A Pest
Animal
Weird O
Bad Boy
No Good
Not Sweet
Go Away
Goodbye
Travel
Bad Luck
No Kiss

Those are just a few sayings I remember on the candies my parents gave me!!!

The cute little sayings on the candies that my classmates gave me I can't list on here or my blog would be shut down.

I certainly enjoyed eating the candy though.

For those of you out there who buy into the notion when your significant other says, "It's just another day, don't worry about getting me anything," beware!

Friends, you better be prepared because if you don't remember the occasion with something, you will regret it for the rest of your life!!!

It's not too late, the day is not over, run as fast as you can and grab anything that looks like a gift along with a Hallmark Card and score points.

At the very least tie a bow around your neck, tape a card to your forehead, ring the door bell and when the door opens shout out "Special delivery, here's your Valentine present neatly wrapped in a bow."

Oh yes, then be sure to duck!!!!!!!!!!!

To all of my readers I wish you a happy Valentine's Day and

to Vicki, my special significant other, Happy Valentine's Day.


Love you!!

They Arrived

Finally, a store that listens to its customers.

Trader Joe's to Ban Some Chinese Imports

Trader Joe's grocery stores are dropping foods from China to satisfy customers concerned about the quality of that country's products after last year's spate of problems.

By April 1, Trader Joe's will phase out single-ingredient Chinese imports such as garlic, frozen organic spinach, ginger and edamame, a green soybean, says spokeswoman Alison Mochizuki. The ban doesn't include products with ingredients from China, a leading source of vitamins and minerals used in many processed foods.

With 285 stores in 23 states, Trader Joe's is known for good prices on a wide selection of exotic items, from Australian licorice to Indian pilaf. Trader Joe's says the products it bought from China were safe. But "our customers have voiced their concerns about products from this region, and we have listened," Mochizuki said.


Federal regulators last year warned about contaminated Chinese pet food ingredients, fish containing antibiotics not allowed in human food, and toothpaste laced with a chemical used in antifreeze.

Trader Joe's stance isn't likely to be widely copied. Major grocers depend on a global market to meet consumer demands for variety. Instead of relying upon blanket bans, retailers say they must choose product sources carefully and check that safety standards are met.

"There are good suppliers and there are bad suppliers in any country," says Jeanne Colleluori, a spokeswoman for Wegmans Food Markets.

It dropped Chinese garlic last year because of consumer concerns. Sales of other Chinese products, such as frozen tilapia, a fish, have stayed strong, Colleluori says.

Trader Joe's wouldn't say what percentage of single-ingredient items came from China.

Whole Foods (Quote: wfmi) says 2% of its private-label items come from China. Like Wegmans, it says it relies on strong sourcing policies to ensure safety.

China is a leading exporter of garlic, apple juice and seafood, but probably supplies less than 1% of the USA's food, says the Agriculture Department.

Still, China's products show up often in food recalls, Food and Drug Administration data show. Of the 14 food recalls tracked by the FDA since Dec. 1, four of the eight identified as imports were from China. Products from India, Mexico, Turkey and the USA were also recalled, indicating that any country can face food-safety challenges.

Major grocers depend on a global market to meet consumer demands for variety is a farce.

If the consumers had any idea where the variety came from, I suspect they would not buy it.

We just had tilapia and were not smart enough to ask the store where it came from. Do you ever ask? Do you think they would know if you did ask?

The solution to our problem is to ban imports and produce our own. I'm sure there is some kind of fish not imported from China.

Also, I for one would like fruit that tastes like the fruit it is supposed to be, not just some drab mush.

There is an old expression "You are what you eat" so I guess that means I will be able to speak Chinese soon!!!!



How about this import?

Turtle Swims From Indonesia to Oregon

BANGKOK, Thailand - A leatherback turtle has been tracked swimming from the coast of the Papua province in Indonesia to Oregon, researchers said, in what may be the longest trip for marine vertebrae between breeding and feeding sites.

"This is an animal perfectly suited for doing this kind of journey," said Scott Benson, research fishery biologist for the U.S. National Marine Fisheries Service, who helped track the turtle and presented details of the journey at a sea turtle symposium last month.

The longest distance of nine turtles tagged in 2003, Benson said, was the leatherback that reached Oregon and then headed to Hawaii before the battery on the satellite transmitter gave out. The 12,774-mile journey took 647 days, he said.

By my calculator that is just under 20 miles a day. I thought turtles were slow.

And where is the rabbit? Oh wait, that was the tortoise and the hare.

The battery on the satellite transmitter gave out - it probably had the energizer bunny battery!!!

Important announcement:

For all the men out there this will serve as a reminder, tomorrow is Valentine's Day. No matter that it is a Hallmark Holiday and no matter you have been told they don't want anything special, you better remember or you will suffer. You have been warned!!

Bill and Hill

Clinton Replaces Campaign Manager

On Sunday, a staff shake-up occurred coming just hours after presidential rival Barack Obama's weekend sweep of three contests.


Hillary takes a cue from Donald Trump

You're Fired !!!!!



Democratic Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton replaced campaign manager, Patti Solis Doyle, the daughter of Mexican immigrants,


with long-time aide Maggie Williams.


Wow that change certainly is not transparent!!



Do you think that people are finally starting to figure out that Obama is a better choice for the Democrats than Hillary?

Both Clinton and Obama have been competitive in fundraising for most of the campaign; each raised more than $100 million last year. In the last few weeks, however, Clinton lagged behind Obama as he raised $32 million in January to her $13.5 million, forcing her to lend her campaign $5 million before Super Tuesday.



She wants you to give freely of your money to her campaign but she will only loan her money to it.

So let's recap:

Every time she speaks she plays the 35 years experience card.

We want someone who, on day one, can walk into the Oval Office, be commander-in-chief, and turn the economy around.

Last I remember, playboy Bill was the President not Hillary. Based on her interpretation, any president's wife could be president and hit the ground running.

In fact, if I remember correctly, I think Monica had a better feel on how it is to be commander-in-chief.

Fortunately for Obama, who has always been elected on his own merits, he can't brag about having this kind of prior experience.

Then Hillary had Bill play the race card.


Former President Bill Clinton, suggested Hillary may lose Saturday's Democratic presidential primary because many black voters will side with Obama.

Like there are no women voting for Hillary just because she is a woman!!

She continued the race card like no one had noticed Obama was black. Maybe she was talking to blind people.

"An African-American, a woman. I never thought I'd be the woman, but here I am. And I'm on this stage. And this is like the culmination of the efforts, the struggles, the sacrifice of so many people who came before. So whenever I look at him I think about that. I mean, it is about him, just like it is about me. But it's also about what we represent. And who could not be thrilled about that? I am," Clinton said.


When that tactic failed, she played the crying game.

Then the whining game. "This is what I have dreamed of my entire life, you know."

Then she wants everyone to believe what she says to be true.

The world according to Hillary.

Clinton proclaims that she's the only Democratic candidate who can beat the Republicans.

Wouldn't you rather hear a Democratic candidate say that he or she is the only Democratic candidate who can sit down with Republicans and work out solutions to America's many problems.

Last time I checked, we are still all Americans first, and the time has come to stop dividing the American people for personal political gain.


Wake up America!!!!!!

Monday

Here I sit downtrodden and broken hearted.

I have a blog to write but my mind won't get started.

Think, think should it be about people or a place.

It's got to be good, not just fill in the space.

So I surfed the net to see what good stories I could steal.

I started looking at people in Hollywood but we all know that's not real.

Maybe write about cars that this year might be great.

The only problem is, the last good car was made in 1968.

Still no idea of something blog worthy to put on here.

Maybe I mention the best Super Bowl commercial was by Budweiser Beer.

But then I think who in the world didn't see that ad.

For me to ride that horse would really be bad.

Write about baseball that is about to start which makes me happy I must confess.

Then who knows if the season will start since all the players will be testifying to Congress

Maybe I should write about all the wine made from the grapes in Napa.

Or tell interesting stories about my hometown of Moapa.

I could delve into the world of politics.

But I think we are all tired of their dirty tricks.

I could write about the parts of the country buried in snow.

While out west we are basking in the sun's warm glow.

Time is running out, I don't know what to do.

I have a reputation to uphold and that's a blog to entertain you.

I have tried and tried to think of something profound to say.

The best I could come up with is have a great Monday.

Geography Facts

Today's post is in honor of Friday.

Joe Friday from Dragnet, that is. He used to say "Just the Facts Ma'am"

So I give you these facts:

Alaska
More than half of the coastline of the entire United States is in Alaska.

Amazon
The Amazon rainforest produces more than 20% the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The volume of water in the Amazon River is greater than the next eight largest rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the United States.

Antarctica
Antarctica is the only land on our planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches. Although covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is the driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi desert.

Brazil
Brazil got its name from the nut, not the other way around.

Canada
Canada has more lakes than the rest of the world combined.
Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big Village."

Chicago
Next to Warsaw, Poland, Chicago has the largest Polish population in the world.

Detroit
Woodward Avenue in Detroit, Michigan, carries the designation M-1, named
so because it was the first paved road anywhere.

Damascus, Syria
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the oldest continuously inhabited city in existence.

Istanbul, Turkey
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city in the world located on two continents.

Los Angeles
Los Angeles’ full name is El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula --and can be abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.

New York City
The term "The Big Apple" was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's who used the slang expression "apple" for any town or city. Therefore, to play New York City is to play the big time.

The Big Apple
There are more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv, Israel.

Ohio
There are no natural lakes in the state of Ohio, every one is manmade.

Pitcairn Island
The smallest island with country status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4.53 sq. km.

Rome
The first city to reach a population of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on every continent.

Siberia
Siberia contains more than 25% of the world's forests.

S.M.O.M.
The actual smallest sovereign entity in the world is the "Sovereign Military Order of Malta" (S.M.O.M.). It is located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of "two tennis courts", and as of 2001 has a population of 80, 200 less people than the Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the Vatican is.

Sahara Desert
In the Sahara Desert, there is a town named Tidikelt, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years. Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million years.

Spain
Spain literally means 'the land of rabbits.'

St. Paul, Minnesota
St. Paul, Minnesota, was originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre "Pig's Eye" Parrant who set up the first business there.

Roads
Chances that a road is unpaved in the U.S.A. is 1%, in Canada it’s 75%

Texas
The deepest hole ever made in the world is in Texas. It is as deep as 20 empire state buildings but only 3 inches wide.

United States
The "Eisenhower Interstate System" requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.

Waterfalls
The water of Angel Falls (the World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15 times higher than Niagara Falls.

Brings back memories of what we learned in the seventh grade in school, doesn't it?

Enter At Your Own Risk

Thursday, it's downhill from here!!

Well, let's see, after my doom and gloom posts of Tuesday and Wednesday let's enter into where:





In an effort to cut costs, Hershey's Chocolate is importing its chocolate from China. Hershey's spokesperson, speaking on condition of anonymity because he was not authorized to speak, stated "The savings on electric mixers alone is substantial."





Here is a lady asking everyone passing by where she can buy a decent looking swim suit.




Due to the water shortage in Las Vegas, NV, the men are allowed to only take baths on Saturdays and they must use community baths.




Due to labor costs and competition from Japanese imports, the American car manufacturers are offering huge discounts if you purchase your American made car from Wal-Mart.





With all the fuss about weight, consider this a warning of what can happen if you overindulge in a diet.



And with that I will ride on out of here.

Double Speak Quadruple Tax

When will the madness stop?

Our federal taxes help pay for it, the sales tax helps pay for it, the lodging tax helps pay for it, the gas taxes help pay for it and the you-name-it tax helps pay for it.

But that is just not enough. They still want more.

Drivers to See Major Toll Hikes

California: A board is considering a proposal for a $1 increase in the toll for the Golden Gate bridge. (The current fee is $5.) In addition, San Francisco may make drivers pay an extra $2 when they exit the bridge.


Massachusetts: On Jan. 1, the state began charging an extra 50 cents for using the Sumner and Ted Williams tunnels in Boston. The money will go toward the "Big Dig," the notorious city highway project that has run over budget.


New Jersey: The governor has proposed increasing tolls on the New Jersey Turnpike, above, and the Garden State Parkway by 50 percent every four years starting in 2010. Additional adjustments would be made for inflation.


Pennsylvania: The state plans to hike tolls on the Pennsylvania Turnpike, above, 25 percent in 2009 and hopes to turn Interstate 80 into a toll road. Cars would pay $25 to drive the 316 miles of I-80 in Pennsylvania; trucks would pay $93.


Paying More To Drive The Highways

You may think the states above are isolated cases and it won't affect you because you don't live there.

The truth of the matter is that plans are already in the works in several states, including the Silver State Of Nevada that I live and drive in, to collect tolls.

The push is going to start with making freeways into toll roads or, at least as a start, some of the lanes into toll lanes.

One in Nevada and Arizona I suspect will be a toll road as soon as it opens is the Hoover (Boulder) dam bypass.



United States Highway 93 (U.S. 93) has been designated a North American Free Trade Agreement (NAFTA) route. The increasing congestion caused by the switchbacks leading to the Hoover Dam site and the restrictions at the dam crossing have led to the development of the Hoover Bypass Project. The Hoover Dam Bypass Project is a 3.5-mile corridor beginning at approximately milepost 2.2 in Clark County, Nevada and crossing the Colorado River approximately 1,500 feet downstream of the Hoover Dam, then terminating in Mohave County, Arizona near milepost 1.7 on U.S. 93.

Construction on the nearly 2,000 foot long bridge began in late January 2005 and the completion of the entire Hoover Dam Bypass Project is expected in June 2010. When completed, this signature bridge will span the Black Canyon (about 1,600 feet south of the Hoover Dam), connecting the Arizona and Nevada Approach highways nearly 900-feet above the Colorado River.




There is even talk of making the two-lane road from Las Vegas to Reno a toll road.

Now maybe you are saying, "Well that won't bother me because I won't be driving on that many toll roads."

Think twice my friends. The trucks that haul goods you purchase will be traveling them and paying tolls on each and every one of them which in turn will be passed onto you the consumer.

Economics 101

Why is it politicians are the last to know what is going on within their own country?

In December and as late as January, President Bush was telling the country that, even with the housing problems, our economy was strong.

Last week's headline:

Bush Sees 'Troubling Signs' for Economy

Ya think?

I wonder if he just noticed the following.

Wal-Mart will be laying off dozens of employees involved in its apparel business, which it is shutting down due to sluggish sales, and moving some jobs from Arkansas to New York.

Hurt by slow revenue growth and the popularity of social networking Web sites, Yahoo's job cuts will mark the company's biggest purge since it jettisoned 650 workers in the wake of the dot-com bust seven years ago.

Ford has slashed some 44,000 jobs since early 2006 and is offering two more rounds of buyout and early retirement packages to all 54,000 U.S. hourly workers in an effort to cut more jobs and replace workers with those making a lower wage.

On Jan. 24, reports indicate that Morgan Stanley is planning to layoff 2 percent of its workforce -- about 1,000 people.

Wireless carrier Sprint Nextel confirms on Jan. 18 that it will layoff 4,000 more employees, after cutting 5,000 employees in 2007. It will also close 125 retail locations.

General Motors will reduce labor costs by another $5 billion by 2010, mostly by cutting labor costs, the company announced on Jan. 15. Much of the reduction will come from a deal reached last year with the UAW.

On Jan. 17, Lehman Bros., the fourth-largest brokerage, announced it was going to layoff 1,300 workers in its mortgage division, which will result in a $40 million charge.

On Tuesday, the new owners of music label EMI Group -- home of the Rolling Stones, Coldplay and the Spice Girls -- said they planned to cut up to 2,000 jobs in a restructuring aimed at offsetting the impact of falling revenue from CD sales.

Cash-strapped Citigroup, hurt badly by losses from the subprime mortgage crisis, says it slashed 4,200 jobs in the fourth quarter in addition to the 17,000 layoffs announced in the spring. A top exec said that more job cuts would be on the way.

On Jan. 8, Avon Products said it will cut 2,400 jobs as part of its multiyear restructuring plan, which will cost more than originally expected and ultimately save the beauty-products maker $430 million annually.

And the list goes on and on.

President Bush is in the twilight zone by not realizing the problem. He and his advisors like good sound bites rather than the truth which might make his presidency look bad.

The list above is just the tip of the iceberg. Those businesses, along with hundreds of other businesses that are in the same situation, will have a rippling effect on our country and our economy that will affect us all in one way or another.

I assure you it won't be a good situation for any of us.

Don't think a Democrat is the answer either as their solution is to raise taxes and give the money away.

I'm not the smartest person, but when unemployment is high and wages are low who is there to pay those higher taxes?

Our country has become generous to a fault, so much so we are becoming a weak country of followers instead of the strong country of leaders we once were.

Fifty Four Forty or Fight

I guess one is never too old to learn.

The other night at our regularly scheduled meeting at the park with our dogs, I heard a term I quite honestly don't remember ever hearing.

Mr. Baxter, Scamp's dad,


used the phrase Fifty-Four Forty or Fight which I had not heard of.

I don't know if I consider it a history lesson, a geography lesson or both for me, but it did give me something to share on my blog.



In 1818, the United States and the United Kingdom (controlling British Canada) established a joint claim over the Oregon Territory - the region west of the Rocky Mountains and between 42° North and 54°40' North (the southern boundary of Russia's Alaska territory).

Joint control worked for over a decade and a half but ultimately, the parties decided that joint occupancy wasn't working well so they set about to divide Oregon.

The 1844 Democratic presidential candidate James K. Polk ran on a platform of taking control over the entire Oregon Territory and used the famous campaign slogan, "Fifty-four Forty or Fight!" (after the line of latitude serving as the northern boundary of Oregon at 54°40'). Polk's plan was to claim and go to war over the entire territory for the United States.

Polk won the election with a popular vote of 1,337,243 to Henry Clay's 1,299,068 (the electoral vote yielded Polk 170 votes vs. 105 for Clay).

Through negotiations with the British after Polk's inauguration, the boundary between the U.S. and British Canada was established at 49° with the Treaty of Oregon in 1846. The exception to the 49th parallel boundary is that it turns south in the channel separating Vancouver Island with the mainland and then turns south and then west through the Juan de Fuca Strait. This maritime portion of the boundary wasn't officially demarcated until 1872.

The boundary established by the Oregon Treaty still exists today between the United States and independent Canada.

It never hurts to gain knowledge.

A Lot of Nothing

Slow week so this is all I got.

MUSTARD

It may make you smell like a hot dog, but rubbing a thin layer of mustard over your chest and covering with a hot towel can relieve a stuffy head and chest.

This is what is known as a mustard plaster like our mothers used to put on us as a kid. The trick was the towel scalded your chest so you got better to avoid having another one!!


PEPPER

Everyone knows Clorox's catchy ditty about keeping clothes bright, but all you need is pepper. Add a teaspoon of pepper to the wash before you add in your clothes and it will keep the colors from fading.

The only problem is when you wear the clothes you can't stop sneezing.


PEANUT BUTTER

To get gum out of a carpet, scrape up what you can, using an ice cub to stiffen it if necessary. Then rub a small glob of peanut butter into the fibers, and wipe up the whole mess with a cloth. To get rid of any left-behind PB, just dab it up with a mixture of 1 tsp of dishwashing liquid in 1 cup of lukewarm water.

Or just add jelly and let your dog have peanut butter and jelly.


WHITE VINEGAR

Deodorant stains can ruin a perfectly good shirt. Save your whites by spraying white vinegar (no need to mix with water) onto the underarm areas. Then you can wash per usual.

Don't use cider vinegar as it tends to make them have a brown tone and taste like an apple!


SUGAR

At your next BBQ don't spend money on anti-pest candles that never work. Simmer 2 cups of milk, a 1/4 pound of sugar and 2 oz. of ground black pepper for 10 minutes, stirring occasionally. Pour the mixture into bowls and put them where the flies will be attracted to them and then drown. You can also place around the house. No more buzzzzzing at the windows.

Get a fly swatter instead, eat the sugar, drink the milk and use the pepper on your food.


SODA

Next time your drain is clogged and you don't have time to run to the store for some Drain-O just look in your fridge! A 2-liter bottle of soda will do the trick. Just pour it down to clobber the clog.

Coke works the best for that!!


SHORTENING

For a natural solution to diaper rash, try coating the area with a thin layer of shortening. It will act as a moisturizer.

I'm not even going there!!


SALT

Grease stains can be a huge pain when it comes to doing laundry. Before you wash, work a generous amount of table salt into the stain and then launder as usual.

OK now you put both salt and pepper in your wash!!


POTATOES

Too much to drink last night and now you have puffy eyes? Apply a thin slice of cold potato to your eyes and leave on for five minutes. Then splash with cool water, put on your makeup (or just some moisturizer -- this means you, too, guys!) and head to work!

Once you have done that then shred the potatoes and use them for hash browns.


ORANGES

Don't you hate it when you have to start a fire and little bits of newspaper are flying everywhere? Next time, air-dry orange peels, which contain flammable oils that burn longer, and use those instead of the paper. The delicious smell is a bonus.

To my park friends, save me your orange peels.


OLIVE OIL

Does it seem like nothing is working for your bad skin? Use 4 tablespoons of salt and 3 tablespoons of olive oil to create a paste. Leave it on your face for 2 minutes and rinse with warm water. Then wash your face as normal. Use every day for a week and then cut back to 3 days a week and you should notice an improvement.

I think this is an Italian thing.


MILK

Oh no! You forgot to put the cap on your pen and now there is ink seeping into your shirt. No worries -- just grab some milk and soak the area. Depending on the type of ink, this process can take anywhere from 30 minutes to 24 hours. Patience is a virtue.

What no pocket protector? Shame, shame.


MAYONNAISE

It's one thing when your child draws on the wall with crayons, it's quite another when it comes to your wood furniture. Rub some mayonnaise on the crayon mark and let it soak for ten minutes. Then take a damp cloth and wipe away the mayo AND the crayon!

First spank your child then do the Mayo thing.


LEMONS

Dandruff can be an embarrassing health problem, but the special shampoo often smells yucky. Try massaging 2 tablespoons of lemon juice into your scalp and rinsing with warm water. Follow with a leave-in rinse of 1 teaspoon lemon juice in 1 cup of warm water. Use this daily until your scalp is healed.

OK maybe you can get a cup of water with 1 teaspoon of lemon juice (leave-in rinse) to stay in your hair but I sure couldn't and it made quite a mess I might add!


FLOUR

You have an ant problem but are worried about the poisonous ant traps around your pets. Just sprinkle flour wherever you see ants entering the house and along the pantry shelves, since they are most likely after your food.

When I saw the ants I opened a bag of flour and threw it all over the tile floor. Does the term 'I've fallen and I can't get up' sound familiar?


CORN STARCH

Your child just learned how to tie their shoes and the knots are impossible to undo. Stay calm and sprinkle a little cornstarch on the laces to help you work out the knot.

Who stocks cornstarch since they invented no-iron shirts?


CLUB SODA

There's no more worrying about drinking red wine on white carpet. Soak up as much wine as possible and then pour club soda over the area, making sure to blot and not rub. Repeat the process until the wine is no longer visible. You can also do the same for urine stains.

What the heck kind of party was that? Not only did they spill wine but they pissed on your carpet! I think it would be smarter to get new friends.


CASTOR OIL

While most of us associate castor oil with constipation or childbirth, did you know it can also help get rid of pesky moles in your yard? Just mix a 1/2 cup of castor oil with two gallons of water and pour the mixture down the mole(s) hole(s). Don't worry, the solution is animal friendly and they will likely relocate.

As they are running away all you will see is molasses.


BUTTER

A jewelry box can help you organize, but sometimes those thin-chained necklaces just want to get tangled and you can't stop them! Rub some butter into the knot and lay on a flat surface. Then take a sewing needle to untangle. When finished just run under hot water to rinse off the butter.

This has got to be the dumbest one yet. If you are using a needle the butter will block your view of the knot.


Bread

Next time you drop a wine glass or break a plate, grab a slice of bread to help you clean up. After you pick up the larger pieces, press the bread over the area and it will pick up all the itty bitty pieces you can't see. Bread can also help clean fingerprints off walls and wallpaper. Just rub and voila!

I got nothing as this looks pretty good. Also if you break into a house you can use the bread to wipe the prints off the door.


BANANAS

Before you throw your banana peel in the compost pile, remove any stringy pulp and use the peel as a buffer. This works with silverware as well as leather shoes and leather furniture. Just rub the peel over the object and buff with a soft cloth. Be sure to test a small section of your furniture first!

Caution: The silverware as well as leather shoes have a tendency to slip out of your hands. When you sit on the leather furniture you have a tendency to slip off and land on the floor.


APPLES

Sick of waiting for your green tomatoes to ripen on the windowsill? Stick up to five tomatoes in a brown paper bag with a ripe apple and seal for a few days. This will speed up the ripening process.

Take the bottle of Ripple out of the bag first. Better yet, just buy Catsup.

It's the weekend baby, Woo Hoo! Super Bowl Sunday and the commercials which normally outshine the game.