The Environment and Me

ECO deal Woo Hoo!!!!

So here's the deal, I was out shopping this weekend for a new pair of Levis.

Imagine my surprise when I found a pair of ECO friendly jeans.

That's right, hand sewn 100% organic cotton and recycled rivets.

I didn't even give it a thought that the hand sewn part was done in some sweat shop in Bangladesh or some place like that because, hey, I was saving the environment.

Organic cotton makes up 1% of the world's cotton supply so by me buying the organic cotton I am helping some farmer in China.

Such a deal at $200.00 a pair!!


(I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.)




More talk of the environment:

While we are on the subject of the environment, I am proud to say that before Al Gore invented the Internet and made a little movie about global warming, I had been doing my part to save the planet since childhood which, my friends, was a long time ago.

A long time ago is before the people of California climbed on the bandwagon to grab publicity.

OK so follow along with me here:

The new craze is to eat vegetables. Alfalfa is a vegetable and the Californians eat a lot of alfalfa sprouts which I maintain contributes to global warming.

Stay with me now.

I hate vegetables and I eat red meat which I maintain cuts back on global warming.

Bold statement I know, but here's how it works.

True fact - methane gas from cows causes 20 times more global warming than carbon dioxide.

That translates into 20 times more global warming than all the cars in the world.

Californians eat alfalfa which produces methane gas so I guess they are not so ECO friendly after all, but I on the other hand eat cows and have been doing my part to stem global warming all my life.

Now that you followed all that, do your part - eat red meat and pass on the sprouts!!


(Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.)



Speaking of being old:

You sure can tell when with age comes a different meaning of words.

A prime example - I was talking to Wally the other night and I told him I was having an affair.

His response to me was "are you and Vicki doing the cooking or are you having it catered?"




Talking about food and age:

Yesterday I was at the sandwich shop ordering a sandwich for lunch.

It was one of those shops you know where they build the sandwich in front of you.

I placed my order with the young girl, requesting extra mayonnaise on my roast beef sandwich.

I stood and watched as she was making the sandwich and while watching her spread the mayonnaise on the bread, I noticed part of her grubby work shirt dragging across it.

She continued as if nothing had happened, so I said "Excuse me miss, your sleeve is in the mayonnaise."

She looked up from the sandwich and said "That's no problem, I need to wash my shirt anyway."




Speaking of eating:

You know how I found out I had gained a lot of weight?

I was sitting in my living room last week and my surround sound wouldn't work!!!



(Pain is measured in units of "dols". The instrument used to measure pain is a "dolorimeter.")

I have a feeling after today's post everyone will need a dolorimeter!!!

And so it goes my friends, and so it goes.
And off I go!
Until tomorrow keep a smile or at least grin and bare it.