Life's Stupid Mysteries

Oops!!

Chimp's Surprise Baby Is a Mystery

SHREVEPORT, Louisiana - In a mysterious bit of monkey business, a female at a chimpanzee sanctuary has given birth, despite the fact that the facility's entire male chimp population has had vasectomies.

Now managers at Chimp Haven are planning a paternity test for the seven males who lived in a group with Teresa, a wild-born chimpanzee in her late 40s who had the baby girl last week.

Workers have started collecting hair samples from the chimps for testing. Once they identify the father, it is back to the operating room for him.

Should those tests turn up negative, paternity tests will be ordered for the male employees as well! Once they identify the worker, it is into the operating room for him!!





Duh!

Driver Follows Navigation System, Crashes

BERLIN - A 46-year-old German motorist driving along a busy road suddenly veered to the left and ended up stuck on a railway track -- because his satellite navigation system told him to, police said Sunday.

The motorist was heading into the north German city of Bremen "when the friendly voice from his satnav told him to turn left," a spokesman said.

"He did what he was ordered to do and turned his Audi left up over the curb and onto the track of a local streetcar line. He tried to back up off the track but got completely stuck."

The police spokesman said about a dozen trams were held up until a tow truck arrived to clear the car off the track.

Several German motorists have crashed their cars in recent months, later telling police they were only obeying orders from their satnavs.

How many times have I said it - people don't know how to think any longer.

I suspect since the voice on the navigation system is a female voice that it is just like listening to his wife, so as all good husbands do, they follow those instructions to a T.

Wait til he gets home and tells the wife he wrecked the car and she tells him to jump off a cliff!!!






How stupid is this?

Woman Tells Cop She Bought 'Bad Crack'

HAWTHORNE, Fla. - A North Carolina woman was arrested after complaining to a police officer that the crack cocaine she had just purchased wasn't very good, authorities said.

Eloise D. Reaves, 50, approached the Putnam County sheriff's deputy at a convenience store Friday, telling him that another man had sold her "bad crack" that contained wax and cocaine.

She pulled an alleged crack rock out of her mouth and placed it on the deputy's car for inspection, the Palatka Daily News reported for Tuesday editions.

The deputy told Reaves that she would be arrested if the crack tested positive for cocaine.

She was charged with possession of cocaine and bonded out for $1,504.

This idiot is 50 years old and still that stupid.

Change the time on the doomsday clock one more time!!






99 bottles of beer 99 bottles of beer

Man Keeps Drinking Beer During Arrest

MANCHESTER, N.H. - Police say a man they pulled over for driving drunk continued to swig his beer during his arrest. Patrick Allain, 35, faces numerous charges after his arrest Monday night, the fourth time he's been arrested for driving while intoxicated. Police say he hit two other cars and initially refused to stop when officers tried to pull him over.

When he finally stopped, Allain allegedly continued to drink a 40-ounce bottle of beer, telling officers, "You can charge me with whatever you want. It's not going to stop me from drinking and driving."

Now here's a clear case of where the cops should have just shot him dead and claimed the beer bottle looked like a weapon!!!

I bet that would stop him from drinking and driving!!





Speaking of stupid people:

Is it just me or does it bother you when you are trying to enter a restaurant and a group is leaving and they stand right in front of the door to talk about dinner and say their good-byes to each other?

Is it just me or does it bother you when you are on an escalator going up or down and there is a person in front of you that stops to look where they are going to go as soon as they step off leaving you no where to step?

Is it just me or does it bother you when you are in an elevator and you arrive at your floor and people rush on before you can get off? Especially the ground floor where everyone knows people will for sure be getting off.

I was just wondering!!!


These are my gems for today.

Be at peace today armed with the knowledge that tomorrow may be a better blog!!!!!