Udder Fantasy On Friday

A couple of days ago a childhood friend and I were sitting around reminiscing about the good old days.

The good old days where we are from had farms with lots of cows.

As our conversation turned to the cows he was reminding me of something I had forgotten.

I know a lot of my readers are city folk so I thought what the heck I would share a little farm information we were discussing with you.

I'm sure most of you think your milk comes from Albertsons, Smiths, Winn Dixie, Von's or your favorite Grocery store.

Well that is sort of true. Actually it originates from an animal called a cow and is delivered to the store in a container.

Legend has it milk was discovered by a cowboy that was on a long lonely cattle drive.

As the story goes, and remember this has been passed down from generation to generation, the cowboy had been out on the long, really lonely cattle drive for several months.

One night as the cowboy was walking through the herd of cattle, a slight breeze was blowing making a musical sound, the skies were clear, the stars were all aglow, the campfire was crackling and the moon was full. He was scanning the herd looking for her.

As he looked over the herd, she was there standing on a little knoll, looking all around until all of a sudden the world stopped as their eyes met.

On the drive he had noticed her many times before but had never had the nerve to speak to her. But tonight under a full moon, as the stars were twinkling, he made his way to her side.

At first he made small talk to her about the cattle drive and how he had been noticing her, then as she let her guard down he put his arm around her and started sweet talking to her.

The night air with the full moon, the twinkling stars, and the wind making music, the cowboy thought the time was right.

He had seen a lot of cows in his time but none with the size udder this cow had.


He began to make his move, he slowly, tactfully started caressing her all the while gently moving his hand towards the intended target.

As he was softly caressing her, she began to moo longer and louder letting him know she was enjoying all of the attention.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He made his move and reached down and grabbed one of the teats on her udder.

That is where it all started. Much to the cowboy's amazement when he grasped the teat of the cow's udder, out shot a stream of milk.

As the story continues, since milk had not been invented yet, the cowboy was so startled at what had happened, he ran as fast as he could to where his horse was tethered, threw on its saddle and on that starry starry night under a full moon rode off like the wind never to herd cattle again.

It is told that the cowboy rode day and night away from the herd until his horse could go no further without food and water.

The cowboy was forced to stop for the night in a little dirty dusty border town to tend to his only mode of transportation.

While the horse was at the stable resting, eating and getting its fill of water, the cowboy was at the saloon getting his fill of whisky.

It was then that the drunken cowboy confessed to the barkeep what had occurred on the range and thus the legend began.

The story has a happy ending for the cowboy. As legend has it, he became a sheep herder and lived happily ever after.

Now that you know the background of how it was discovered, let's get back to my story about milk.

Take a close look at the bag on the lower back side of the cow in the picture.

That is the udder which houses 4 teats.

In the beginning no one was quite sure why there were 4 teats. All they knew was each teat had a different product.

Then one day an entrepreneur came up with names for the different tastes and, as they say, the rest is history.

One teat produces milk, one produces buttermilk, one produces cream and the last one produces half and half.

This worked very well for several years until California became a state in 1850.

The people that settled in California had completely different ideas than the rest of the United States and soon were demanding their milk to be different than what normal people enjoyed.

After receiving a government grant, the cow owners commissioned a study to figure out how to pacify the people in California.

The study determined the mature cows that were a little more full bodied produced the milk, buttermilk, cream, and half and half as everyone knew it.

They also learned that low fat, non fat, two percent and skim could be obtained the same way from the udders if it was from younger skinny cows.

Now you understand why sprouts and green vegetables are the 'in' thing to eat in California as it all started to keep the cows skinny.

The Californians soon learned that the udders on the skinny cows seemed to be smaller than on the full bodied cows and soon they were studying ways to have the local veterinarians use silicone to enlarge the cows udders.

And now you know how it all began.

That's the story my friend and I were discussing about the old days which goes to show you that older people need to share their knowledge with others, or as in this case you would think milk came from your local store.