I Follow Instructions

Is stupidity inherited or is it taught?

I wanted some dessert the other night so off to the store and I picked up a box of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert.

When I got it home I ended up throwing it away because I turned it over and printed on bottom of the box it said "Do not turn upside down."

I guess that ruins it so I didn't take any chances.

While at the store I noticed Frito Lay was having a give-away so I checked out their promotional offer.

On the bags of Fritos it said, "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

As the store manager was escorting me from the store for ripping open all the bags of Fritos, it was obvious I was not going to be a winner.

While I was at the store I picked up some grapes. Once home I read the label on them and felt I was safe with their instructions.

It said, "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator."

Lucky enough, just last week, I moved a thermometer all around my refrigerator to make sure I didn't have any hot sections in there.

I was feeling kind of hungry so I got out a Swann frozen dinner from the freezer.

I was not sure how I should serve it so I read the instructions which said " Serving suggestion: Defrost."

Yeah, defrosted sounded kind of good to me too.

I thought a bottle of my favorite flavored milk drink would go well with dinner.

After reading the instructions, "After opening, keep upright" and alas having no straws in the house, I decided I couldn't have milk.

I needed something to drink so I grabbed my favorite soft drink and read the instructions which said "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth."

At last something I could drink.

For dessert I was debating between Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding or Pop-Tarts.

The instructions on them were very similar, the bread pudding said, "Product will be hot after heating," and the Pop Tarts said "Warning: Pastry Filling May Be Hot When Heated."

Just to be safe I opted to eat a cold Pop-Tart.

I happen to be big on dessert so I figured I should have a Fruit Roll-up after the Pop Tart.

I was pretty anxious so I bit into it before reading the instructions.

It was a little chewy and in hindsight I think if I had read the instructions, "Peel fruit from cellophane before eating," it may have been easier to eat.

Well, The Fruit roll-up wasn't enough to fill the void so I figured what the heck I might as well have some peanuts.

I have to say, it was a very large bag of peanuts and even though I only wanted a small handful, based on the instructions on the package, " Open packet and eat contents," I ended up eating the entire contents of that 1 pound bag of peanuts.

After eating all that food I figured I had better throw a couple of breath savers in my mouth.

As I was opening them I noticed their statement on the pack which read "Not for weight control."

I was really happy to read that because I was worried about my breath not my weight, as you can tell from all the food I had eaten.

After dinner I thought a game of Yahtzee would be a nice way to spend the evening.

I had picked up a new set of dice for the game and just to be safe before opening I read their label.

Their label read "Not for human consumption." At this point I was so full I was relieved to read that.

All good things come to an end as it was time to go to bed.

I really was able to get a good night's sleep that night.

I was able to sleep soundly with the knowledge I did not have to worry about the police busting in and arresting me for removing the tag from my pillow.

I follow instructions and the tag is still there.