Thursday, September 14, 2006

My Sick Humor

Thief on lam with 348 pounds of pork

Pig meat pilferage chops take at fund-raiser for scholarships in Indiana




CROMWELL, Ind. - A thief with a taste for pork put a damper on a fund-raiser for scholarships by making off with nearly 350 pounds of porkburgers and hot dogs, police said.

Cromwell Town Marshal Rich Snyder said the 300 pounds of porkburgers and 48 pounds of hot dogs were taken either late Saturday or early Sunday from the Cromwell Community Center's walk-in freezer in the town about 35 miles northwest of Fort Wayne.

The theft was discovered Sunday morning when members of the Cromwell-Kimmell Lions Club went to pick up the meat. The group had planned to sell porkburgers and hot dogs Sunday at the Stone's Trace festival to raise money for scholarships for West Noble High School students.

Snyder said Monday that an investigation is under way into the burglary but that there were no suspects yet in the heist.

Lions Club members were able to borrow some porkburgers from the Ligonier Lions and operated their festival food stand on Sunday. But a club member said the stolen meat will have a negative impact on the amount of money raised for the scholarship fund during the two-day festival.

Now that's a lot of pork. Easy to spot the thief as you gotta figure they will fire up the BBQ every weekend, then just follow the aroma!










The ‘Princess’ visor wasn’t that effective, either



79-year-old woman charged with trying to rob Chicago bank with toy gun

CHICAGO - A 79-year-old South Side woman bearing a toy gun and a visor that read "Princess" has been charged with trying to rob a downtown bank.

Melvena Cooke was charged Wednesday with attempted bank robbery. She is free on $4,500 bond and was released into her daughter's custody.

Cooke walked into the Bank of America branch Tuesday morning and told a teller that she'd just come from the dentist and could only speak quietly.

As the teller leaned in, Cooke whispered a demand for $30,000 and brandished a gun that turned out to be a toy, the affidavit says. Instead of handing over any money, however, the teller triggered a silent alarm and walked away.

Cooke left empty-handed after several minutes and then ducked into a nearby store, where she was arrested.

Officials said Cooke was dressed for the attempted heist in a black trench coat, sunglasses and a white "Princess" visor.

OK OK, two fashion mistakes here. The first - you don't wear white after Labor Day. And the second - you don't wear anything that says Princess on it after the age of 12!!









Bicyclist Awaiting Ambulance Gets Hit Again

GREENVILLE, S.C. - A driver has been charged with leaving the scene of an accident with injuries after her car hit a bicyclist who was in the road waiting on an ambulance to treat him for injuries after being hit by another car.

Shannon Harris of Anderson turned herself in to investigators Sunday night after initially leaving the scene of the accident, said Lance Cpl. Kathy Hiles, a spokeswoman for the Highway Patrol.

The bike rider, whose name has not been released, was in serious condition at Anderson Area Medical Center, Hiles said. He was not wearing a helmet and his bike lacked proper lighting, Hiles said.

The bicyclist was hit first by a Nissan driven by Erin Hartness of Anderson, Hiles said. No charges were filed in that case.

While he was waiting in the road for an ambulance, the bicyclist was hit by the second car, whose driver stopped for a moment before leaving the scene.

Hit twice - is that what they call double jeopardy?

Why was he just waiting in the road for an ambulance? Where was the driver of the first car?

He was not wearing a helmet and his bike lacked proper lighting when he was hit by the second car either!!!









Fish Kills Spear-Fishing Diver


MIAMI - A Florida diver shot a large grouper with a spear gun then apparently drowned when the fish sped into a hole, entangling the man in the line attached to the spear.

The 42-year-old man, whose name was withheld, was free-diving in about 25 feet of water off the lower Florida Keys Saturday and speared a Goliath Grouper, Detective Mark Coleman said.

"It looks like the fish wrapped the line attached to the spear around the victim's wrist. The fish then went into a hole in a coral rock, effectively pinning the man to the bottom of the ocean," Coleman said.



Police divers found the speared fish tightly wedged into the hole, with the man's body still tangled in the line, a sheriff's spokeswoman said.

Goliath Grouper are the largest members of the sea bass family and can weigh hundreds of pounds.

Goliath Grouper - 1, Human - 0

I'm sorry, death is not funny, but this is hilarious. The fish went humaning and caught a big human!!!

Can you imagine the fish saying to the other fish "you should have seen the size of the one that got away"!!!!





Please let me compose myself. This is funny stuff!!!!




We are on the downhill side of yet another week.

Please join me again on Friday for all the news you can use.

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