Gentle Lessons of Life...

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

A penny saved is obviously the result of a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

He who hesitates is probably doing the right thing.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are 'XL.'

If you think there is some good in everybody, you obviously haven't met 'everybody'.

If you can smile when things go wrong, you must have someone else in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so that he can tell when he's 'really' in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their life's odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long, long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper. It's even worse when you forget to pull it down.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.