Wag's Blog

An Observation

2011-09-06T10:02:00.000-07:00

When Hurricane Irene was headed up the East coast the Government mobilized every department from Homeland Security to FEMA and beyond.
President Obama cut his vacation short by one whole day to take command of the situation. TelePrompTer's were put into place.
Official photographers were on standby for publicity pictures of the President springing into action, everyone in the Government was telling us how prepared our Government was to give out their big helping hand and pay for rebuilding all the damage.

There was endless press coverage of such a potential disaster and thousands upon thousands of Government credit cards were printed ready to hand out, millions of Military field rations were brought in all at the ready. FEMA had housing at the ready and enough bottled water to fill a huge lake.

Fast forward to today:

It appears to go mostly unnoticed but Texas has had no rain for months and they are literally on fire with livestock and houses lost. I wonder why it is the Air National Guard is not flying tankers over Texas dropping flame retardant or dropping the millions of gallons of bottled water FEMA had on hand for the New Yorkers for the hurricane?

Did president Obama cut short his Labor Day speech to get to a command center? Did he or has he even mentioned the situation in Texas? How about FEMA are they at the ready?

Of course Texas is a large state and with FEMA's Regional Operations Region IV being located in Denton Texas it would take some time to get mobilized. How about Homeland Security after all, the police will be a little busy so any terrorist would have a better chance to slip across the border.

Last time I checked, Texas is still one of the United States, but of course one thing I'm sure has not gone unnoticed by some, is the Governor of the great state of Texas is in the lead for the nomination to run on the Republican ticket for President of the United States, but surely assistance to the state of Texas would not be withheld or delayed based on politics.

HOPE and CHANGE;

I HOPE the weather will CHANGE and rain will fall on the Great State of Texas.

.

Japanese Wind

2011-03-17T23:00:00.000-07:00

It is interesting to watch the mass hysteria in our country regarding the small amount of radiation from Japan that may blow in to the United States. It seems like the media hype is totally out of control.

After checking the mileage from Japan to the United States, one has to ask if the radiation from Japan is higher than the cell phones, x rays, airport scanners and all the rest we are subjected to daily?

I wonder how many of you that will read this are aware that here in Nevada, at the Nevada Test Site, the first atomic test, Operation Ranger, was conducted on Jan. 27, 1951. The final nuclear test, Divider, was conducted on Sept. 23, 1992. In between, there were 99 above ground tests and over 800 below ground tests.

The test site is approximately 64 miles from Las Vegas and as the crow flies less than 100 miles from my home town of Moapa . Prevailing winds from the test site did not blow over Las Vegas, however they blew over Moapa, the surrounding Moapa Valley and into the Saint George, Utah area.

I remember those days well, they were a family event, on the days of the test we would set up our chairs outside and watch the mushroom cloud from the bomb until it completely disbursed and was gone from sight.

The next day Government workers would show up retrieve the ID cards the gave to us the week before, which mysteriously had changed colors, scan us and our cars with Geiger Counters which more often than not made loud noises as they moved them around the cars and us.

Those were happy days for my dad because the Government washed his car for free. No, they never did anything for us, no showers, no Iodine pills or anything like that.

You may have heard of me, I am what is commonly referred to as a Downwinder.

We were all contaminated with a lot higher doses of radiation than will blow across the seas to the United States From Japan. I have lost family and friends to cancer who lived in the downwind area, but not much outrage or media coverage was ever given to that.

I guess my story doesn't matter since it was in the past and we are all going to die from one thing or another anyway.

"The answer, my friend, is blowin' in the wind"

The Man of Tin

2011-02-11T01:07:00.000-08:00

Like ‘Boom Boom’ Boris Becker, my wreckage comes from this racket; serve me verbiage to swing at and sure enough I will smack it, put your problems on my back and I’ll shoulder them like a jacket, in this tournament of champs, I’m the only stamp on the bracket.

Backing up no longer, I’m feeling stronger than any superpower, Bauer to this pace, I’m just racing the time until my final hour is upon me and I am no longer clocking in, but until then I’ll spend my life powering on my will to win.

The Man of Tin, sitting in bargain bins spitting out these flows, just rowing out prolific exhibits of picket signage prose, an overdose of omens and moments of motion comatose, verbose engrossing boasting of coast to coast roasting diagnosed.

Still I suppose that nobody knows the way I flow in codes, both friend and foe just can’t seem to grasp my passion overload, respect I’m owed, but I’m just not getting it, so I go and goad and hope for gold while moseying bold on down my yellow road.

I’m ‘a la mode’ exploding through fashionable ways of writing rhymes and lining speak like beats in a bind, just call me sign of times, my mind is finding ways to display an amazing maze design, while pining for enshrinement assignments that tighten up my spine.

My shine is blinding doubters, about to unleash a cosmic bomb, atomically bionic and sonically calming phonic palm in blister histrionics, just call me Mr. Miyagi, Si, I’m kicking swift ironic with comical Daniel-sunning speed.

No need to try and pry into what I am laying down for you, just proving I can stand up to anyone in this slang enthuse, my muse is brain and she’s an insanely deranged exclaim excuse for cruising down this road of prose overload mode and venom views.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Sunny Side Up

2011-02-10T01:20:00.000-08:00

I’ve really never felt like this, I’ve never had this strength of wrist, or even had a granted wish so whimsical and golden, fish. I’m out the tank and swimming free, don’t try to paddle after me, I’m oh so gone, beyond the sea, and seeing spacey, heavenly.

My tether ball was tethered, worn, from all the verbal punching, scorn, no more, that’s it, my soul has sworn, to ward off hoards of ripping, torn. I’m born again, alive and well, my mutant finally left its shell, and now my ninja splinters fast, this master’s printing, sprinting past.

Blasting off to outer space, with willful grace, without a trace, I doubt you’ll ever see my face raise up again, it’s been erased. So brace yourselves and pace your search, I’ll send prayers from Picante church, to warm you up and reimburse the strength in you that’s been besmirched.

Allured by life’s intoxication, boxing oxygen elation, elevation has been heightened, past the furthest star that brightens up this span of planet mass, way past the future’s looking glass; I’m past the point of no return, my fury’s never burning urn.

That means my soul is never dying, while you subtract, I’m multiplying, just eye the Champ, my rant’s Orion, my Belt of stealth I call Obrien. My Conan sword I’m carrying, while jonesing for a marian, to run through my agrarian, and find my Unitarian.

If you got that, then cheers to you, my wit can’t fit in any shoe, my brew of choice is liquid voice and it goes down like sunset views. My boulevard is hard to find, I sign my rhymes as Wonder Nine; my world is curled up, enshrined, inside this phlegm of Clementine.

My darling, that just means I’m lost, but not forgot, just hit exhaust, I paid the cost to be the boss and now our paths can never cross. I’ll be your friend, just call me Ross, and in the end, I’ll be the floss, that’s there to spread the thread across this word of mouth, called tonsil toss.

Still at a loss, I’m out of time, so read this twice and redesign, what you once thought was just a rhyme; my spine is sharp like Porcupines. I got your back if you got mine, I’m out of sight and out my mind, I moved the moon and found my shine, my sunny side’s on upward climb.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Uno

2011-02-09T01:15:00.000-08:00

I need you like the air I breathe, I need your trust in me, believe, I need your arms to charm my sleeves; I need your cape of Super, Reeves. I need you, please, so don’t let go, I need your light, my twinkle toes, I need your lift when I get low, I need you as my one, Uno.

I know now what it is to dance out in the raindrops of romance, and never need a second chance to fall in love from the first glance. My stance on you won’t ever sway, you were the gift for which I prayed, I’ll live for you through dying days and praise the ways which you amaze.

I’ll Frito lay chips off your shoulder, warm you when the world gets colder, boulder through the rocky roads that race you to the age of older. Smolder ice and dice apart the arctic grim that dims your spark, embark a vessel through your heart and never once again depart.

The part of me that needs you most grows from my head down to my toes and loves no feeling quite as close as when your breath rests on my nose. I know I’ve said it once before, or even twice, who’s keeping score, but let me tell you now once more, your blissful core I most adore.

I swore I’d never find such grace, to occupy my mind and space, but face it; frowns have been replaced by drowning in exquisite taste. Put in my place, I’m standing still, just call me Hank, King of the Hill, I found my Fox, she fits the bill, my emptiness she did fulfill.

No need for pills, my sleep is sound; I’m flying high, feet on the ground, so full of love, stuffed pound for pound because my Queen of Hearts was found. Her royal crown may not be seen by others but to me it beams with diamond shine and golden gleams so great it wakes up any dream.

A steady stream of tears once flowed, down past my lips and through my throat and carried anger in a boat the size of which I can’t denote. But anger finally turned to glee, the day she came and rescued me from burning fires and tired pleas with existential entity.

Believe me, it is you I need, I hunger for the food you feed, I thunder for the lightning speed of life you spark into my creed. I need you more than splints need sprains, I need you more than tracks need trains, I need your picture for my frame; I need you more than ever, Brain.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Sky Fighter

2011-02-08T01:07:00.000-08:00

In every city, every state, in every country you'll find hate, in every playground, every park, you'll see someone who leaves a mark of ignorance instead of bliss, of elegance that's gone remiss, of negligence to people's hearts, of people bruising with their bark.

They deepen wounds instead of heal, they stand for hate instead of kneel; they pile on instead of peel away the layers of what’s real. They steal away your sense of self, they rob your rich and inner wealth; they sneak up on you with the stealth that leaves you with a weight of welts.

I know this world can get you down and day to day you go 12 rounds and give it all, your pound for pound, and still wind up knocked on the ground. Found TKO’d and told to quit, just give it up, you’re not legit, got no saliva, you can’t spit, just toilet plunge away like shit.

You fit the image, stay in place, don’t break the mold, don’t own your space, don’t stand up tall, don’t speak up loud, don’t take it all, don’t disembowel yourself to become something grand, instead you stay in Munchkin land and watch the so-called “wizards” speak of lollipops and candy sweet.

They feed you just enough to keep your hunger satisfied with meek and week to week you become weak with all the strength life can deplete. But how bout this, just break away, rewrite your story here today, relay to all the nay’s that say you’re not enough, I’m walking-jay.

Just cross onto the other side, don’t look ahead or side to side, just free yourself and mind your mind and let your heart release the bind that’s blinded you and made your vision blurry with that indecision, shortcut through the long division; feel that healing make incisions.

Don’t pigeon foot, stomp on this piece, best live your life before decease, just strip the strife and light up trees and blow away your enemies. I’m freeing clear up into space, my spaceship’s racing at a pace that you won’t catch, don’t even try, my flights about to fight the sky.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Tyler's Take

2011-02-07T01:12:00.000-08:00

Quite often, people who desperately need a vacation tend to take the most power trips.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Come Back To Me

2011-02-06T01:10:00.000-08:00

The first time that I felt your clutch, it warmed my sullen soul so much and kept me standing, like a crutch, with feelings like I’d never touched. Much stronger than the hardest crush, you painted petals with your brush and rose my heavy heart to such a height it could fight out its hutch.

Your blush, a flush of fairy tale, my one success in life of fail; you ailed me when my strength was weak and seeped to beat my losing streak. You tweaked my inner demons out and sprouted proudest in my shout, forgot what pain was all about, as you destroyed my boyish doubt.

It started out just you and I, we cooled the world and ruled the sky, our eyes were drawn and on the prize to schmooze the truth and shoo the lies. Surprised at all the will you gave, my power raised and took to raves of sunny oceanic waves that lost my stress and saved my way.

Day by day and night by night, your healing touch stayed by my side and prided me with such a stride of happiness, bliss bona fide. My ride through life, a rocket blast, you set aflame my tainted past and cast me into galaxies of superstars and starry seas.

Retrieved the hunger in my heart, you held the match that lit my spark, embarked together through this life, our goal to cure the strain and strife. Just like a Wife, you married me, I held you oh so merrily, and barely could stand time away, prayed stay with me and never stray.

One day you let another in, we wrestled but you got the pin, so with that I took to anew and oh my how the joy did brew. I kept you with me, in my sight, you helped me with my sheepish fright, so shy, yet still so bold inside, and every day the darkness dried.

My Bride, I thought I’d see her be, you’d always promised utter glee, but somehow you did not prepare for such miss-care and misery. She broke my faith and took my trust, erased beliefs in you, in us, and now I’m left with nothing, bare, we should have never worked in pairs.

So now I’m staring at this wall of all for one, and one for all, and slipping, tipping from the fall and you’re not here to hear me call. I’m sprawled out on the pavement, please, come back to me and help me see that you’re still real, I’m still enough, please let me feel you once more, Love.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Tyler's Advice

2011-02-05T01:39:00.000-08:00

Free the fear of tales that tattle, start to heal those scars from battle, know we’ll see it through the sea of tears we’ve cried and tried to paddle.

Saddle up and buck your fright, forget your wrongs and write your rights, delight in glows of growth so bright and let your heightened wings take flight.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Find Your Piece of Peace of Mind

2011-02-04T01:51:00.000-08:00

Every day the same routine, I clean my slate with kerosene; I end the night all by myself and wake up still instilled in stealth. Invisible, man I don’t know, so miserable, won’t let it show, divisible by nothing, squat, if you don’t fit, then get forgot.

My love for love is fire hot, I’m glove to glove with people taught to tater tot, potato sack, away their passion, mash it back. My back is broke from all this weight, I’ve taken on in hope of fate, my date with destiny won’t show, so dead inside, I’m called “The Crow.”

I try to grow into the man that writes just like a King, The Stand, and stand up to those fears of fail, that lure me in and don’t let bail. Imprisoned by a prism dimmed by darkness art and crimson limbs, my sleep creeps with the reaper, grim, my shot at love’s above the rim.

I trim the fat, but find the beef, it’s like my beings been bequeathed, it’s like I’m seeing entropy in every door I’m entering. I’m centered but my mind still sways and doe-see-does with rainy days and row’s me deep into abyss, I was the shit, but now I’m piss.

I’m missing, but there’s still no search, my absence grows long like the Lurch, my perch atop the top has dropped and no one’s here to hear me flop. I’m rocking back and forth in chairs, electrical, and full of flare, this jolt will take me to the air, my final frequent flier fare.

Just bear in mind, my time is bare, my overcoat’s my underwear; my ranger’s roving through the dirt at 88 and braced to hurt. The curtained sky’s my only friend, an endless blend of light it lends, some sparks of hope I’ll hope to find, out in my search for peace of mind.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Tyler's Wisdom

2011-02-02T01:44:00.000-08:00

You’ll always get knocked off of your high horse if all you are is a one trick pony.

Written by Tyler Wagner

A Tale of Two Swiftly

2011-01-30T01:19:00.000-08:00

With written hands and clenching fists, we’re going HAM up in this bitch; you’ll feel this flow just like an itch and spread it like a gossip snitch. Our class in session; best not ditch, we’re teaching Wesson lesson spit and shooting bullets from our lips, we’ll get you high without the trip.

Our grip onto this game is tight, we’re sipping on that special Sprite, while writing lines of lemon-lime and double timing rhyme in spite of all the haters out their barking, Little Sunshine’s, Alan Arkin’s, sparking nothing, daylight’s darken, wishing Kent would get to Clark in.

They’ll never reach that Superhero, Level Agent Double Zero, peering for a cape to save them, but their fate will not awaken. They can never feel that truth, they’ll never master flaring tooth, they’ll never snare this beating drum; they’ll never spread that red like rum.

Our time up top has just begun, we’re slow to fade but made to run, we’re here to save, but spending tons of time on fighting crime with lungs. No guns, we carry lead instead, our pencil’s wrestle with the dread, then drop it dead and call it Fred, then bed it goodnight, sleepy head.

So fed up with the fake and phony, such big talk on little ponies, blasting speak like they were Sony, homey clowning whack-a-roni. Tony Tiger, they ain’t great, we’ll frost their flakes with milky quakes of serial cerebral crates and grate their fate to never wake.

Ink stain aches we’re dropping here, while channeling our chandelier and peering down on all that’s under, this typed tornado blade of thunder. Wonder Man and Manic P., that stands for Panic, Xanax Freak, we’re dripping spit without a leak, bomb dominance is what we seek.

The weakest link, you’ll never find, in our deranged exchange of minds, our souls are cold, but hold a bind that will not break or silence, mime. We’re dropping dimes yet making cents, our sense is evil evident, our rent in Heaven, paid in full, our time in Hell is just to cool.

We school the Devil, teach him class, ice his veins from flabbergast, snatch the fire from his flask and drink it quick like we’re the Flash. Smash his cave to smithereens and smoke him like his skin was green and light him up with holy beams of cosmic caustic Listerine.

This Team of Two is all we need, blood in blood out is how we bleed, no need to ask, Assassin’s Creed, come follow us because we lead. Now freed from fear, we’re front and center, serving splendor like some vendors, venting dents of dental wreck, without a speck of disrespect.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Present

2011-01-28T01:07:00.000-08:00

The present is indeed that...a present. Unwrap each day with the knowledge that it’s a gift and be thankful for it.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Lady Patiently

2011-01-26T19:07:00.000-08:00

When I first saw her beauty glow, I thought at once, “Oh here we go, a pro in solo runway shows,” my interest grew, Pinocchio. My nose in fact did not just grow, attraction did, so now you know, the start of how this story goes, the story of The Rarest Rose.

I’d throw myself into a train, for just one chance to ask her name, and maybe light a fire flame, inside the thoughts that cropped her brain. Insane, maybe, but how I felt, could not be seen, could not be smelt, could not be heard, could not be touched, could not be matched, could not be rushed.

As much as I would love to jump into her space and Jersey pump, my fists, to maybe catch her eye, the truth is I just walked on by. I tried to muster, “Hello, Hi, Hey, what’s your name? My name is Ty. I really like your style, fly, girl you could make the sunshine sigh.”

But there I stood like lumber, wood, as stiff as any drink could ever think of making my feet freeze, my tongue was stung from silent bees. Just like the breeze, she blew on by, I wonder if she wondered why I didn’t even try to speak, my urge was strong; my speech was weak.

And just like that, she walked away, for good, I hoped not, so I prayed, to see the day when she’d return, and to the past, at last I’d burn. Concerned I stayed for days and days, my spark was dark, no sunlit rays, my face was blank, expressionless, and what's to thank, my sullenness.

A lioness, she proved to be, a leader of my mind and dreams, it seemed as though I knew her well, for no amount I’d ever sell, the thoughts which occupied my brain, her face became the thing that slain the pain away from past mishaps, the sleeping beauty of my naps.

Perhaps I drifted off too deep, within my mind, so merry steep, for when she did return my way, I couldn’t summon strength to say, “So, how’s your day? I like your dress; you wear it with such great success. Do you like art? Well so do I, I must admit you drew my eye.”

Aligned, the stars, they must have been, for me this day because just when she turned to slowly walk on by, my longing glance danced in her eye. Surprised and altogether giddy, I finally locked eyes with the cities prettiest discovery, no other place, I’d rather be.

Her lips dipped low and I could tell, she was about to speak in spells, I was so very far from Hell, although I stood, I should have fell. “Hello,” she said, “I’m new in town, so maybe we could go around and hang out in some different parts, here’s my number, I have to dart.”

Apart from being Heaven sent, she spoke so well and eloquent, I spent the next chunk of my day, in constant bliss and disarray. I whisked away from place to place, I saw the sign, thanks Ace of Base, she opened up my eyes to see, the richest gifts of all are free.

That leads us to the present day, I’m still in awe, in every way, and still get swept up in her sway, each time her presence resonates. I hope that fate will in time find, my address and a ladder, climbed, up to my window, where she’ll see, that I am waiting, patiently.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Veterans Day

2010-11-11T01:38:00.000-08:00

Today is time to say thanks to our brave men and women of our military who have served their country.

For them I am re posting one of my previous entries that I hope everyone will read.

A Soldier Died Today

JUST A COMMON SOLDIER
(A Soldier Died Today)
by A. Lawrence Vaincourt

He was getting old and paunchy and his hair was falling fast,
And he sat around the Legion, telling stories of the past.
Of a war that he had fought in and the deeds that he had done,
In his exploits with his buddies; they were heroes, every one.

And tho' sometimes, to his neighbors, his tales became a joke,
All his Legion buddies listened, for they knew whereof he spoke.
But we'll hear his tales no longer for old Bill has passed away,
And the world's a little poorer, for a soldier died today.

He will not be mourned by many, just his children and his wife,
For he lived an ordinary and quite uneventful life.
Held a job and raised a family, quietly going his own way,
And the world won't note his passing, though a soldier died today.

When politicians leave this earth, their bodies lie in state,
While thousands note their passing and proclaim that they were great.
Papers tell their whole life stories, from the time that they were young,
But the passing of a soldier goes unnoticed and unsung.

Is the greatest contribution to the welfare of our land
A guy who breaks his promises and cons his fellow man?
Or the ordinary fellow who, in times of war and strife,
Goes off to serve his Country and offers up his life?

A politician's stipend and the style in which he lives
Are sometimes disproportionate to the service that he gives.
While the ordinary soldier, who offered up his all,
Is paid off with a medal and perhaps, a pension small.

It's so easy to forget them for it was so long ago,
That the old Bills of our Country went to battle, but we know
It was not the politicians, with their compromise and ploys,
Who won for us the freedom that our Country now enjoys.

Should you find yourself in danger, with your enemies at hand,
Would you want a politician with his ever-shifting stand?
Or would you prefer a soldier, who has sworn to defend
His home, his kin and Country and would fight until the end?

He was just a common soldier and his ranks are growing thin,
But his presence should remind us we may need his like again.
For when countries are in conflict, then we find the soldier's part
Is to clean up all the troubles that the politicians start.

If we cannot do him honor while he's here to hear the praise,
Then at least let's give him homage at the ending of his days.
Perhaps just a simple headline in a paper that would say,
Our Country is in mourning, for a soldier died today.

Let us also remember our four legged friends that have served their country.

How Big Is Your Garden

2010-09-16T01:44:00.000-07:00

OK so we are supposed to eat more fruit and vegetables but in some cities we are restricted from growing them.

Can you say oxymoron?

Lets wander down to Georgia where a man was fined $5K for his home garden.

Steve Miller a Clarkston, Ga., man was fined $5,200 for growing too many vegetables in his backyard.

So just how long had he been growing these illicit plants you ask?

Miller had been growing legumes for 15 years, selling them at local farmers markets and giving them away to friends, before he was cited by the Dekalb County Code Enforcement office for the first time last September. It's illegal to garden at such a level in the zone where he lives.

OK now you are starting to think he was growing those leafy plants that you dry, roll and smoke.

Oh no, he was growing the more dangerous plants like one and a quarter acres in production with crops like celery, tomatoes, lettuce, Swiss chard, beets, cilantro, carrots and cabbage.

That's the wrong kind of green in Georgia I guess.

Maybe he had he been growing pecans, peaches and peanuts, which Georgia is famous for, he would not have been fined.

Why I Eat Junk Food

2010-09-13T01:02:00.000-07:00

So I hear on the news and read headlines that state: "Americans still skipping fruits, veggies".

Most Americans still don't eat vegetables often enough, and fruit consumption is actually dropping a little, according to a new government report released Thursday.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that last year about one-third of U.S. adults consumed fruit or fruit juice at least twice a day. That's down slightly from more than 34 percent in 2000.

No state met federal goals of three-quarters of Americans eating enough fruit, and half eating enough vegetables.

Wow what a shock and the experts are scratching their heads wondering why.

Well I did my own survey as to why we were eating less fruits and vegetables and this is what the majority of people told me:

The fruits have either been genetically engineered to last longer or they are picked green to last longer and they just plain don't taste good.

Add to that when you buy fruit and there is no taste when you bite into them so you throw them out that is expensive as fruit is not cheap.

Here's a surprise, potatoes are the favorite vegetable. Well isn't that a shock could it be they still taste like a potato.

Take something as simple as celery and carrots that have always been a mainstay on tables across America, even they have lost their taste.

With Celery you have to slather it with peanut butter to make it worth eating, and even rabbits are starting to turn up their noses at carrots so what does that tell you about taste.

Health officials have been trying to promote fruits and vegetables — especially leafy greens — as healthy alternatives to salty, fatty and sugary foods.

Maybe the promotion should be to stop importing our fruit and vegetables and go back to growing our own food. It seems strange to me that celery is shipped into the U.S. in a container on a ship from China and it is supposed to taste good.

The best tasting fruit these days is a fruit jelly made into a sandwich or on toast.

The best tasting vegetable, other than the potato, is corn popped in a large bowl salted with a huge amount of butter drizzled over it.

I long for the days when fruit and produce were shipped from the farm to the store.

Wake Up

2010-09-09T01:28:00.000-07:00

End Of A Bad Dream 1-20-2013

Mark your calendar

2010-09-07T01:01:00.000-07:00

CHANGE WE CAN BELIEVE IN 1-20-2013

IT'S COMING

2010-09-05T01:08:00.000-07:00

We can see November from our house!!!!!!

Overstepping Their Authority

2010-08-16T01:32:00.000-07:00

I have to say I'm the first to promote kids getting an education, however not all kids are going to stay in school for a variety of reasons.

The school board in Las Vegas has come up with what I think is one of the worst ideas I have heard and I don't think it will change anything.

I think it serves no purpose as all it does is create a hardship and I think infringes on a young adults rights.

Here's the proposal to the Nevada lawmakers:

School administrators in Las Vegas say they have come up with a way for students to pay attention to things like attendance, grades, and graduation. Take away the car keys.

The school board say they will ask Nevada lawmakers to pass a law that will let school officials decide whether teens can have a driver's license or a work permit.

Even the School Board calls it a drastic step, but truancy and low graduation rates they say can no longer be tolerated. This week they voted unanimously to move forward with a bill that would keep kids accountable one that could even cost them a driver's license.

Joyce Haldeman the Associate Superintendent of the School Board says "we simply want to make one of the requirements for a drivers license be attached to student attendance and adequate performance in the classroom."

They're calling it the Graduation Priority Act, a bill that would incorporate several different measures to discourage students from skipping class.

Along with the grade and attendance requirements for driver's licenses, there would also be restrictions on the number hours a student could work. District leaders say too many kids are in school full-time and also working full-time.

School Board President Terry Janison says "it shouldn't have to be up to us but if we are going to be held accountable as a school district for ensuring that children are graduating then we're going to have to take some steps to ensure that that happens."

The Board fully expects to hear opposition and some members even expressed their own reluctance toward becoming a quote, "moral agency." Students themselves are expected to protest but bottom line, the new requirements the Board believes will provide new incentive to students who until now may have had very little.

The school board makes the statement "students who until now may have had very little incentive to graduate.

I would suggest they might want to change their methods of teaching and also check out what the teachers are doing in the classroom if they feel like students have had very little incentive to graduate.

Our school board is showing their intelligence by further stating "if we are going to be held accountable as a school district for ensuring that children are graduating then we're going to have to take some steps to ensure that that happens."

Nevada has the lowest high school graduation rates in the country with about 47.3%.

But the school board thinks a drivers license will solve the problem they are having with drop outs or kids that do not graduate.

This argument is just as lame as their sales pitch that a teacher can only teach 35 students at a time in the classroom. That's right if there are 40 students in the classroom the teacher some how forgets how to teach.

I don't think all the other states that rank higher in graduaion rates than Nevada achieve their ratings by withholding a drivers license.

Maybe it's time to take on the teachers union and put teachers in the class room that will actually teach and give the kids an incentive to stay in school.

There are some very good teachers in Nevada that anonymously would agree with me.

To my way of thinking this is one more example of the school board not wanting to take responsibility for their actions rather lets pass a ridicules law and deflect attention from the real issues of substandard administrators and educators.

In one of the school boards own words ""it shouldn't have to be up to us."

That seems to be the growing trend nowadays blame the problems on someone else.

Drunk Dialing

2010-07-30T01:07:00.000-07:00

This day's gone by, the sun is setting in the west,

It's just another day, it's just another test.

As lightness dims and the darkness falls,

The voices of depression begin their calls.

Sitting in the darkness, while watching time pass,

The time comes to add ice cubes to a tall glass.

Fill the glass straight with old Jack Daniel's Number 7,

Sip it real quick, hope I get a piece of heaven.

Grab the remote and watch the news on the T. V.,

I wonder when there will be something good I will see.

Nothing but bad news, which calls for another tall Jack,

This time around, I better add a beer back.

No matter what the channel is that I do click,

I can't stop hearing the voice of a raving lunatic.

Listen to the shouts, "I'll bury you in the flower bed,"

Guess it's time for me to have a tall Johnny Walker Red.

Woman, you better do what I say because I'm running your life,

I even knocked you up while still married to my wife.

Oh, what a tramp, it's always the woman's fault,

And on that note, it's time to drink a 40 malt.

Who the hell do you think you are having you breasts enlarged?

I warn you to my credit card they better not have been charged.

They're just too big, you have done such a sin,

Time for me to have a Tonic and Gin.

There you are wearing those real tight tops,

Just prancing down the street, wanting to be checked out by the boobies cops.

Oh ya, baby, listen to me cause I'm screaming like a lark,

Now straight out of the bottle, I'm drinking my Makers Mark.

I'll beat you as much as I want, even run you over with my car,

Nothing will happen to me, I'm Mel Gibson, a big movie star.

Do You Pay To Get Stimulated?

2010-07-19T01:25:00.000-07:00

Here in Las Vegas these type of signs are all over the place and then there are rows of orange cones as if there might be work taking place.

For example these signs tell you;

The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act -- better known as the stimulus bill -- has funded a highway project in local neighborhoods.

Makes you feel warm and fuzzy all over doesn't it?

I guess they feel we are too stupid to recognize road work when we see it.

What do orange triangle signs that say CONSTRUCTION ZONE or ROAD WORK AHEAD mean hmmmmmmm I wonder.

But alas State governments are estimated to be using millions of dollars to put up the signs that say what a great job they are doing spending money.

I guess they feel we are too stupid to recognize them spending money they don't have.

Some examples:

Washington, D.C., the Metropolitan Washington Airports Authority spent $10,000 for a single 10-by-11-foot sign displayed at a highway project, advertising that the $15 million in stimulus funds the District received were provided by the stimulus.

Illinois spent about $650,000 during the last 14 months for 950 signs to be placed on 850 highway projects.

Pennsylvania spent $157,477 of the $1 billion in stimulus funds it received.

Here in Nevada who knows how much was spent but those signs are everywhere.

Harry Reid wants you to know he knows how to spend your money and for those American people that don't agree with Harry, he has a clear message for you.

I guess that ought to get you stimulated.

Happy Birthday Vicki

2010-07-18T01:15:00.000-07:00

Happy birthday Vic!!

Take it from someone that knows; What is the worst part or growing old?

Growing old!!!

Love You

Stock Market Tip

2010-07-13T01:21:00.000-07:00

For all my readers out there who's 401 k's have taken a hit on the stock market I have a hot stock tip for you.

Take every cent you can get your hands on and buy stock in Kool - aid!

Yes you read that right Kool - Aid.

Why you ask?

Simple it seems as if there is a large percentage of the American public that is so addicted to Kool - Aid they are swallowing it as fast as they can.

Here's an example of what causes one to gulp their Kool -Aid;

NASA Chief: Next Frontier Better Relations With Muslim World

NASA Administrator Charles Bolden said in a recent interview that his "foremost" mission as the head of America's space exploration agency is to improve relations with the Muslim world."

Though international diplomacy would seem well outside NASA's orbit, Bolden said in an interview with Al Jazeera that strengthening those ties was among the top tasks President Obama assigned him.

He said better interaction with the Muslim world would ultimately advance space travel.

We are getting out of the space business and into better interaction with the Muslim world and are we keeping the same budget?

Of my huge numbers of readers out there I'll bet most of you were not aware of NASA'S new direction.

If NASA and President Obama want to interact with the Muslim's and show the their contributions to flying, they just need to show the Muslim's films of New York's World Trade Center and the Pentagon in Washington D.C. on
9/11/2001.

Who's Racist?

2010-07-12T01:44:00.000-07:00

So as you all know by now our Federal Government is suing the State of Arizona over their immigration law instead of securing all our borders.

Maybe instead of suing Arizona they might want to see how California secures problem areas.

Fingerprints Now Required At Poway Skate Park.

At the Poway Skate Park, surveillance cameras capture the every move of every visitor. Additionally, motion detectors are also present and a wrought iron fence surrounds the park.

Up until 6 p.m. Friday, skaters could simply walk right through and pretty much do whatever they want.

After 6 p.m., however, a fingerprint scan will be required in order to enter the skate park. Skaters will have to register their fingerprints and have a photo taken in advance.

City officials said the new security measure will allow law enforcement to determine who was at the park if something were to happen there.

The city also said the added security measure is an effort to stop an increase in vandalism, drug use and break ins that have plagued the park for the last five years.

"This is a city park; it has to be returned to the citizens. We want kids in here, we want adults in here, we want a secure, safe environment; this is not a free-for-all," said Poway City Councilman Jim Cunningham.

Wow that sounds just like what the people of Arizona have been saying but they are called racist!!

Speaking of Racist;

How many of you are aware of the new "tan tax" which took effect last week?

Get this there is a 10 percent surcharge on the use of ultraviolet tanning beds.
.
This my friends is racist because patrons of tanning salons are almost exclusively white.

I know the new "politically correct" police want to make up the rules that say white people are the racist but where I come from a person of color can be a racist too.

“Let us dare to read, think, speak and write”.

Name Game

2010-07-09T01:43:00.000-07:00

Nevada: Way out in the land of the setting sun, where a man or a woman can still pack a gun.

Where the wild wind blows from the desert to the hills, it still is the
place for a great amount of thrills.

The Wild Wild West set from old ghost towns, on to one horse towns,
made up of sagebrush sounds.

Courting counties where it's legal to get laid, to the glitz and glam
casinos where dreams can be made.

There are cities with dark and smoky backrooms, which have never seen the working end of any brooms.

A city’s motto of "What happens here stays here,” holds ninety-nine
cent shrimp cocktails and dollar beer.

Home to famous people we’ve come to know by one name, Sinatra, Charo,Liberace and Liza all came.

Siegfried, Roy, Elvis, Cher, Prince, and the beautiful Pink, it’s quite
an impressive list, don't you think?

I gave it some thought and as best as I recall, we will now have the
most famous one name of them all.

A name dropping son seeking power and glory, we now have a man running who wants to be called Rory.

Rory doesn't want you to know the man that planted his seed is none
other than his dad, Harry Reid.

Now to his son the message Harry did send, Rory get
elected Governor, then tax and spend.

Happy Birthday America

2010-07-04T01:40:00.000-07:00

Common Sense Lost In Nevada

2010-07-02T01:34:00.000-07:00

OK we here in Nevada no issues that our state legislators need to worry about.

Let's see the states income is down due to 14% unemployment, foreclosures are the highest in the nation, and visitor volume is down.

So since we seem to be in such great shape our legislators are involved in drawing up some real important bills.

Legislators seek bill requiring tire pressure checks

State legislators agreed Tuesday to draw up a bill to require auto repair shops, smog stations and oil change businesses to check the air pressure in their customers' tires.
Now that is probably one of the major things to consider since I guess the state budget is not an issue.

Talking points:
"It's good for safety, and it saves gas and reduces air pollution.

"People never think of it," people with low tire pressure sometimes are involved in accidents that kill innocent people in other vehicles.

"We move from winter to snow and the tire pressure goes up and down. The service station people can come in (at the 2011 session) and say what it would cost and if it is a burden," (Of course service stations are now self serve).

Oil change businesses sometimes check air pressure as part of their service, it is not a practice with all repair and smog shops.

Under normal driving conditions, a vehicle loses 1 to 2 pounds of pressure per month.

Under inflated tires reduce a driver's ability to control a vehicle against skidding, blowouts and other tire failures.

I know I will sleep better at night knowing the drunk drivers on our roads have properly inflated tires.

Welcome To The Kool - Aid Corner

2010-07-01T01:12:00.000-07:00

So it's only been 72 days since the oil spill in the Gulf so what's all the commotion? Gees what do you people want from our President?

President Obama A.K.A. Robin Hood and his band of merry men had to wait until the oil hit the beaches before doing anything more than telling B.P. they were going to put a boot on their throat and also kick their ass. Good sound bites!!!!

This may come as a surprise to you but this is not the only underwater well in the world that is leaking, the only difference is there are skimmer ships in Dubai able to keep the oil from reaching their beaches.

As I stated before; The Dutch offered to supply 4 oil skimmers. Each system will collect 5,000 tons of oil each day. One ton of oil is about 7.3 barrels. 5,000 tons per day is 36,500 barrels per day. 4 skimmers have a capacity of 146,000 barrels per day. That is much greater than the high end estimate of the leak.

Now at day 72 this just in;
US accepts international assistance in dealing with massive oil spill in Gulf of Mexico. The United States is accepting help from 12 countries and international organizations in dealing with the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

But wait did you know this? More than 30 countries and international organizations have offered to help with the spill. The State Department hasn't indicated why some offers have been accepted and others have not.

So just when will the help arrive? The State Department said in a statement Tuesday that the U.S. is working out the particulars of the help that's been accepted.

The identities of all 12 countries and international organizations were not immediately announced. One country was cited in the State Department statement -- Japan, which is providing two high-speed skimmers and fire containment boom.

This help could run in to trouble though just like Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal had with his homegrown idea that seemed to be effective at collecting the thick gunk.

What trouble? Well the Coast Guard Ordered Barges to Stop. Why? The Coast Guard needed to confirm that there were fire extinguishers and life vests on board, and then it had trouble contacting the people who built the barges.

Gov. Bobby Jindal spent a week and half fighting to get working barges to begin vacuuming crude oil out of his state's oil-soaked waters.

I wonder if who built the barges had anything to do with the Jones Act which prohibits foreign ships from working in our waters?

But I degrees, you want to know the real reason why President Obama A.K.A. Robin Hood and his band of merry men had to wait until the oil hit the beaches before doing anything.

My simple answer is, Obama or one of his merry men had dinner at one of Buba Gumps seafood restaurants and ordered a shrimp dinner which cost $17.95. From the price of that dinner they determined the shrimp boats that harvested the shrimp made to much money when they sold the shrimp and that they should share their wealth.

Allowing the oil to decimate the shrimp beds would mean the shrimp boats would be idle and the restaurants would have to import the shrimp from a foreign country at a lower cost.

Makes perfect sense don't you think?

I have to go now and drink another glass of that Kool - Aid.

Brother Bob

2010-06-29T01:23:00.000-07:00

What a great weekend this was as my brother Bob came in Friday from Saint George, Utah for one of his famous short visits. He left for home mid afternoon Monday.

Since the passing of Bob's wife Linda, brother Bob has taken the the lead in us connecting as brothers do and I for one am enjoying it. As I sit having conversation with Bob I can't help but stare as I realize he looks so much like our dad it is uncanny.

Interestingly when we are together it reminds me of duo's like the Smothers Brothers, Rowen and Martin or maybe Abbott and Costello, of course I am the funny one he is the straight man.
It's fun working on our act for Vicki (who rolls her eyes in hysterics, I think that's why she rolls them)and the clerks in the stores who appear to enjoy it, even though the younger ones don't always understand the humor, but that won't stop us.

I will say, even though I am the younger one, he makes me tired just watching him in action as he is in high speed mode most of the time.

Thank you brother Bob for another great visit but hurry back because the bushes need a good trimming, windows need washing and the garage needs cleaning. I will sit in the shade sipping on my ice tea, polish my supervisory skills and of course keep you laughing while you work. A happy worker is a hard worker.

2010-06-25T01:18:00.000-07:00

Ripped from the headlines:

Strippers Reportedly File Oil Spill Compensation Claim; Pay Czar 'Dubious'
the Mimosa Dancing Girls adult entertainment club filed a compensation claim for lost business under the $20 billion gulf oil spill escrow fund that the Obama administration conceived and BP agreed to last week.

But today, the government-appointed administrator of the fund, pay czar Kenneth Feinberg, expressed his doubt that the claim was legitimate.
"I'm dubious about that claim. I'm very dubious about that claim," Feinberg told "Good Morning America." "But I don't want to prejudge any individual claim, and I think we will study this.

Can you say BP unlimited credit card to study these claims?

I'll give him props for wanting to study it, I mean what kind of idiot would not want to study this claim?

He already has prejudged this by being dubious.
He should frequent the establishment several times, at least 30 or 40,and observe how big the crowds are then do in depth interviews with each girl to find out if the denomination of the bills has changed downward.

Have them give demonstrations of exactly how they earn their salaries.

If they are going to pay claims for lack of business they should not discriminate based on the type of business effected.

Those girls probably have the most legitimate claim of anybody and they are entitled too ya know!!!

This Brew is not for you!

Lesson #1 when down to the last 6 pack head to the store don't chance having only 1 can left:

Woman Brawled With Boyfriend Over Last Beer.

The Florida woman spent two nights in jail for allegedly roughing up her boyfriend after he started drinking the last can of beer.

Elizabeth Breeden, 41, "went off" on her 53-year-old boyfriend when he opened their last can of Natural Light After scuffling over the beer, Breeden reportedly ripped the can in half, spilling the prized brew on her beau, a chair and the floor.

When her boyfriend stood up, Breeden is accused of slapping him in the face and kicking him in the groin.

She was charged with domestic battery.

She ripped the can in half and kicked him where? Wow i didn't know Natural Light was that good.

Natural Light is brewed to be enjoyed responsibly by adults. © 2010 Anheuser- Busch, Inc., Brewer of Natural Light® Beer, St. Louis, MO.

Burning Ring Of Fire.

Seems like Al Gore visited Portland Oregon and due to the global warming there, he had some hot flashes (a little lower please) while getting a massage.

Needless to say he had the wrong masseuse and he did not get the "Happy Ending" massage he demanded.

Fatherhood For Dummies

2010-06-23T01:29:00.000-07:00

Imagine the day after Fathers Day you find out what a terrible dad you were to your children. Well that just happened to me as someone pointed out the web site Fatherhood.Gov

Fatherhood.Gov is the government giving tips on how to be a dad.

Here is a good tip; Bike or walk to a park, trail, or other outdoor spot. Leaving the car at home will reduce carbon emissions and you will add exercise to your day without even trying.

Had I known how to be a good dad I would have suggested we walk to Mount Charleston Mountain that was just 40 miles one way from our house. I'm sure Stacey and Tyler would at that very moment said to me "what a good dad you are".

One other tip to being a good father: Tip, turn off the water when you brush your teeth in the morning and before bed time. You can save 8 gallons of water.

Just think, had I turned the water off when we were all brushing our teeth together they could have been nuclear physicist or the president of the United States by now. I guess having them brush after each meal in addition to in the morning and at bed time was a bad idea as well I hope they are not having nightmares over that.

Yet Another tip I completely messed up on; Tip, many electronic devices use electricity even when thy are switched off or not in use. You can save money and energy by unplugging the items when they are not being used.

I sure hope my kids don't have to go to a shrink on a regular basis to get over the trauma they suffered.

I'm not sure how happy Vicki would have been when the microwave, TV, all the clocks were off and when plugged back in were blinking but maybe there is a Marriage.Gov site that covers that issue.

I guess I was a bad dad for playing catch, board games, basketball, card games, watching movies together, camping, water guns etc. you know those silly things when I should have shown them how to unplug usless appliances, brush their teeth and to forget we even had a car.

Man dads have it so easy nowadays they have the government telling them how to be a dad.I'm really glad our government used our tax dollars wisely for that site.

I sure hope Vic made Kool-aid today I think I need some after this discovery.

Written by my son Tyler

2010-06-22T01:06:00.000-07:00

Asleep at the Wheel

It was a cold night in December, camber surface I remember, amber fog and bogs of rain, maintained to stain my cloudy brain. Sustained relentless specks of snow flowed on and on and grew to grow, into a show of snowy white, while I drove home this sleepless night.

No flight for me, agreed to drive, with pride and presents I’d arrive, at 5 a.m. that winter’s morn, an ornament of mental worn. I’d sworn to make it home alright, “No Worries All,” I’d said contrite, excited by Vacation’s call, recall the trek and deck the halls.

But all was not good on that drive, deprived of sleep, my dreams arrived, alive but riding without eyes to guide my sight, my night took five. Revived, I woke up suddenly, and saw no life in front of me, relieved to know I’d only dozed, but for how long, nobody knows.

The story goes and starts like this; I was a boy, a buoy of bliss, existing on and kept afloat, by a dear friend I always wrote. One note from her could blur my pain, and paint a scene that should be framed, refrain from saying too much more, about that time I did adore.

Before my trip could start that night, I’d got a call from her inviting me to greet for gifts and glee, while underneath a Christmas tree. Agreed to meet for just a few, I knew I had to go but threw away my watch to watch the time, submerged myself in the sublime.

So primed and ready for the trip, I sipped on Coke and choked down strips of peppered pizza on my lips, with dips of ranch, I ran the risk, of filling up too heavy for, the future freight that lay before, my forge of course once out the door, some dormant torment was in store.

A roar of laughter and farewells soon swelled the night and I compelled to leave their home, roam on my way, away from Reno I would stray. I sprayed and splashed myself with water, summoned human teeter totter, plotting ways in which to stay and pave the drive another day.

I’d say to anyone who’d ask, “Oh, I’ll be fine; I’ve got this task,” and then attacked the pitch black road, coasting along through postal codes. I rode along and flowed through songs, of Christmas spirit sing along, and before long my lips did meet, sweet Mountain Dew, I grew complete.

A feat of travel such as this, alone and late, brought reminisce, amiss while missing my friend Justin, since that July, I’d been adjusting, to his death, his breath was taken, a fate to never reawaken, forsaken but never forgotten, a lot of rain, a day of rotten.

While streams of sadness wet my mind, I found relief in the reminder that some merry time was here, the 25th had come this year. I cleared my head and sped along, my heater on and before long; I’d be at home amassed in masses, of Molasses, milk in glasses.

Lapsing in and out of thoughts, I sought to distance from distraught, I fought so hard to clear my head; perhaps I led myself to bed. I read the sign designed to show, how many miles left to go; the snow was matting the plateau, which mapped my final picture show.

Awoke to sounds of grinding tires, tired from a mind expired, mired in a dire slate; I took a trip, but stayed in State. My state of conscious was confused, how could I let myself refuse, the use of rest stop conversation, I wouldn’t rate my mood “elation.”

Placing patience with frustration, muttered to myself, “Awaken!” took a break and broke in sigh, so thankful that I didn’t die. My eyes were groggy, stunned; mind-boggled, bottled up my fear, full throttle, pottled puddles of some water, washed my eyes, guised dreams to slaughter.

Sauntered back out to the highway, hit the road unloading delay, deciding not to tell a soul of how I just lost all control. Strolling back into my motions, waves of relief sprayed like oceans, learning quite a big life lesson, rest thereof is of the essence.

Essentially, I’d made it halfway, Tonopah was in my pathway, pass three more hours, hit the hay, and say hello to a new day. “Just pay attention, tension free, please clean your mind from what it’d seen, redeem your strength and tough this out; erase the sprout of any doubt.”

I doubt I made it more than seconds, before my second reckoned wreckage, checked my conscience into sleep, the place I didn’t want to be. Before, my car just slid off road, out onto dirt, I woke and slowed, my cruising vehicle to stop, no sign of damage from a pop.

Hop forward to the present coasting, cruising 88 and toasting, posting up a record time, climbing out of clouded grime. Primed and ready for a break, a BK visit I would make, I made it to that very thought, before my sleepiness re-shot.

I fought a dream and surely lost, woke up in darkness, eyes were crossed, exhausted once but now awake; I scattered screams and slammed the brake. Waking up in such a fright, I lost the sight of wrong from right, ignited horror scorched my eyes, what happened next, I should have died.

I tried to turn my wheel and spin, into a circle and begin to stop my car from going deeper, drop my death from creeping steeper. Sleep had crept my way before, without a dent in either door, on fours; I thanked my lucky stars, for sparing me any more scars.

Farther on, my luck would change, my lease on life would rearrange, exchanged a few solemn goodbyes, as my car flipped into the night. In spite of shock I stayed alert, I clenched the wheel with palms of hurt, I hurled on through heartless dirt, I tasted desert for dessert.

Flirting with death, my breath stayed counting, “1 flip, 2 flip,” Angels mounting. “3 flip, 4 flip, still react, 5 flip, 6 flip, fade to black.”

................................

I reawaken in a ditch, with swollen eyes that need a stitch, an itchy breeze blows through my hair, I comb it down and drown in scare. Prepared to not survive the crash, I was alive, but head was mashed, my ashy hand now filled with blood, my skull was flooding from the thud.

I kicked the crud out of the windshield, unsealed a strength I never knew wield, I kneeled at once in real dismay, prayed for help and hoped for save. I braved the bitter cold and trudged, through all the snow and mounds of mud, befuddled, fumbling through the dark, “If there’s a light, oh won’t you spark?”

I walked a while and finally found, my feet were touching highway ground, the sound of heartbeat filled my ears, with pounding, pounding, POUNDING fear! While tears they trickled down my cheeks, I thought I’d never get to speak, or see my family once again, I’d bleed to death without a friend.

I bent and huddled to keep warm, and then at once, I saw a swarm, of big bright lights approaching me, my heart had never felt such glee. “Please help, come quick and rescue me. I’m freezing, bleeding violently. I need some aid and proper care, and hey, a change of underwear.”

The wary truck could see me waving, but he didn’t stop for saving, not brave enough, I guess, to stop, and with that all my hope was dropped. Truck number two came some time later, I jumped and waved now even greater, but once again, he passed on by, my eyes welled up and I asked, “Why?”

By the time the third truck came, I was defeated and so drained, but still I mustered up the strength to wave my limbs at longest length. To my delight, he slammed the brakes; he stopped the truck, began to make, his way to me and take a glance, and quickly called an ambulance.

At first glance of that stunning sight, I finally let go of the fright, for I had lived and was alright, and made it through my darkest night. They said “Sit tight,” and loaded me, onto an outstretched flesh gurney, and after that I said “Thank you,” my life was saved, my land brand new.

I knew it then, I know it now, it was my friend who saved somehow, allowed me to survive the plow and disallowed my final bow. But now, Justin, I bow to you, the Guardian Angel I look up to, Thank You for being there for me, I hope your view is Heavenly.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Wag's Return

2010-06-21T01:54:00.000-07:00

Some of you have noticed I have finally decided to get back to writing my blog. To all of those that called, spoke or sent e mails encouraging me to return I thank you. To those that noticed I was back thank you as well.

I stopped writing for a variety of reasons some personal and then some of concerns about offending friends.

It seems the new trend is to call anyone who has an opinion and speaks it to be labeled as un American and racist to name a few.

The term "politically correct" completely escapes me as I don’t know who is the judge and jury on that one.

I’m too old to care about labels or politically correctness and I suspect my friends will know what is true about me, those that want to buy into labels and those that don’t know me don’t have to read this.

I don’t drink the Kool-Aid so from time to time I will speak out as I did on June 17th 2010 in my first post back since October.

This time back I don’t plan on writing every day so you will need to check in on a regular basis to see when I post. Also I don’t have an editor to correct all the mistakes with my grammar and proper punctuation so please excuse any errors you may find.

As always your comments are welcome and all comments good or bad will be posted as long as the language is “G” rated.

In closing I will leave you with the words that I heard the other day from John Adams, one of our country’s founding fathers, which inspired me to blog again.

John Adams said and I quote:

“Let us dare to read, think, speak and write”.

Harlan

2010-06-20T13:53:00.000-07:00

His given first name was Harlan but very few people knew him by that.

Harlan was a Railway Express Agent for the Union Pacific Railroad stationed in the small railroad town of Moapa NV.

Harlan made the use of one name popular way before celebrities started doing it.

Harlan was known along the railroad from Omaha to LA and he never had to use his first or last name when he signed his work. The same applied when he corresponded to friends most of who did not know his first name..

Harlan was not a large man but he cast a long shadow.

Harlan was not a college educated man but was one of the wisest and smartest men I have ever known.

Harlan taught me about life by living life and letting me learn from observing. Who I am is because of who he was.

Harlan passed away in 1976 and not a day has gone by that he is not in my thoughts.

On This Fathers Day I am thinking of my dad Wag.

Wag's Ramblings

2010-06-17T11:50:00.000-07:00

How's that Hope and Change working for you?

Did you catch Obama's speech regarding the disaster in the Gulf?

Obama: There's a pipe spewing gobs of oil into the gulf, so let's build more solar panels and windmills.

Two days after Hurricane Katrina President Bush waived the Jones act so foreign ships could work in our waters to render assistance and very few if any complaints were heard.

Immediately after the BP explosion 13 country's offered their help, some by sending huge skimmer ships to suck up the spill but Obama refused all of their help.

After 50 something days he still will not waive the Jones act which prohibits foreign ships from working in our waters.

Oh ya I forgot that's a Union thing.

It appears Obama's thought process is: This is an urgent situation we have underwater leaking pipe 40 miles off Louisiana that we haven't plugged and don't really understand how it broke in the first place so we need to immediately pass the Cap and Trade bill.

"Never Let a crisis go to waste"
Rahm Emanuel

The ruptured well is BP's fault, the oil reaching the beaches and wetlands is Obama's fault.

The Dutch offered to supply 4 oil skimmers. These are large arms that are attached to oil tankers that pump oil and water from the surface of the ocean into the tanker. Each system will collect 5,000 tons of oil each day. One ton of oil is about 7.3 barrels. 5,000 tons per day is 36,500 barrels per day. 4 skimmers have a capacity of 146,000 barrels per day. That is much greater than the high end estimate of the leak.

I repeat,Obama refused the skimmers!!!!!

I wonder if Obama will tell us he inherited this and it is Bush's fault?

Today, Jimmy Carter is secretly delighted.

Thanks to Mr. Obama, Carter is no longer considered the worst president in American history.

Happy Halloween

2009-10-31T09:06:00.000-07:00

It’s October 31st and I’m the first to arrive, to the Halloween Fair where the “Dead Come Alive.” I pull up to the structure turned conductor for the night and get ready for an evening full of eerie and fright! I get out of my car and stare at the beast of a building that sits wielding words of worry increased. “The Deceased Feast Here,” I see clearly on the wall as I walk a little closer to the poster plenty tall. I ball up all of my courage and encourage with a call, “Come See This Everybody, I See Bodies Oddly Mauled!” I mull around the scene and dream of what could be inside until I hear a scream of horror, no explorers by my side! I somehow lost my group, my troop the Fearsome Foursome’s gone and all along the building sings a creepy, weepy whispered song. I listen to the echo of the voices from within and begin to feel a push behind my behind and I spin. I’m headed towards the entrance so entranced between the glow of the green and orange orangutans that hang in the shadows. A row of low hung Jack-O-Lantern lamps vamp up the room that I enter first and feel is cursed with cataleptic doom. I zoom around the compound with a heart that’s pounding down, as my feet are stuck below me to a magnet underground. I feel I’m made of steel and this is stealing me ahead, from the openness of life into the darkness of the dead. Beheaded bodies occupy the space in all directions as I’m directed to a sector that has yet to be inspected. I expect to see an exit, an escape from all this dread, or at least wake up in cold sweats wearing sweats at home in bed. Instead I’m led around in circles circling the scene of a bloody ruddy ruthless roost of rulers unforeseen. Between the gleam of goblins, ghouls and gremlins I descend until I’m blending with the darkness and I feel I’ve met my end. I try to send a shout for help, but help’s not on its way because my voice is met with violent sounds of silence and decay. I’m praying for the sunlight as the fright frequenters me, but all I’m seeing, hearing, feeling is this warm antiquity.

-Written by Tyler Wagner

More From "Just Ask Wag"

2009-08-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Mr. Wag,

A couple of women moved in next door to me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties.

These two women go everywhere together and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment.

Do you think they could be Thespians?

Signed Anonymous.

Dear Anonymous,

I'm not sure how to answer that question other than to ask you how do they act?

You do mention they have jobs so they may just be with each other trying to get their act together.

Thespians sometimes live together to play off each other. As to no men, it could be these ladies have not found the right leading man or they may have had a bad experience with leading men and might not like their company.

Also, Thespians seem to have a lot of drama in their lives so that might be why you don't see men visitors.

You don't mention if you are a man or a woman, however in either case you might want to grab a couple of bottles of wine and pay them a "welcome to the neighborhood" visit and see where that leads.

You might be pleasantly surprised. If you play your cards right you may get in on their act.

In their spare time they may have an advice column like the here. Take a look.

Wag

Dear Wag,

What can I do about all the sex, nudity, foul language and violence on my VCR?

Mary in Ohio.

Dear Mary,

I agree people do not need to hear the foul language or see violence. As I see it you have two choices: One, you can sit back and turn off the sound and turn on some soft music and close your eyes during the violent scenes, or two, you can buy a DVR and get rid of the outdated VCR.

Wag

Just Ask Wag,

I am a twenty-three year old liberated woman who has been on the pill for two years.

It's getting expensive and I think my boyfriend should share half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

Suzy
Las Vegas

Dear Suzy,

Where have you been girl ? Even as outdated as I am this is a simple answer for someone your age. You don't have to sit down with him to have that discussion. Pick up your cell phone and send him a text message telling how much his half is.

That makes it easier on you both and eliminates the need for any unnecessary or lengthy conversation when you are together.

Wag

Dear Wag,

I've suspected that my husband has been fooling around, and when confronted with the evidence, he denied everything and said it would never happen again.

Samantha
Central Kansas

Dear Samantha,

I guess my first question is why didn't you believe him? My second question is what was the so called evidence? My third question is have you kept the romance alive at home so he would have no reason to fool around?

Wag

Just ask Wag,

I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.

Jane
Phoenix AZ.

Dear Jane,
The answer to this problem is quite simple. It's time for you to change your hair color. Go to a professional so none of your blond roots show.

Wag

Do you need sound advice? It's easy, just hit the comment part on any one of my posts and send your question to "Just Ask Wag" and stay tuned for the response.

Where Is He?

2009-08-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

So where has he been you are asking?

Well I have been a little busy with a little 2nd job extra work and a little fun busy.

The fun busy was a week long visit by older son Stacey. I really enjoyed the visit with the exception of losing at rummy.

Yes, my kids know how to play rummy as well as most other card games and board games.

Even though the television had already been invented when our kids were growing up and our house had one, we actually sat down as a family and played a variety of card and board games.

Fortunately for the wife Vicki and I, that tradition is still carried on whenever we get together with either or both of the boys.

Son Stacey has been in the market for a motorcycle for some time now but has not been able to find the exact one he was looking for in Reno.

He had his eye out for a good clean used Harley Davidson Nightster and so while in Vegas he figured he would see what was out there.

He located one in Hurricane Utah that had all the makings of what he was looking for so he and I drove there only to be shined on by the seller so that trip was a bust.

The other thing the son Stacey needed to do was take the "Riders Edge" course to get the education about riding a motorcycle. Also, when you complete it you are passed for a motorcycle license with the DMV so no test is required, you just have to go to the DMV and wait several hours to have an actual one issued.

The 4 day class in Reno never worked with his work schedule so on the off chance he might get right into a class here in Vegas, he made a call and started the class the next day.

The Stars were partially aligned and now all he needed to do was find a nice used bike. He gave up on the idea of finding one here in Vegas and had resolved himself to keep looking in Reno.

As a random what-have-you-got-to-lose idea, I made a call to the owner of the Harley dealerships here in Vegas and the one in Saint George and told him what Stacey was looking for.

The stars aligned into the proper alignment and Stacey was soon the proud owner of a brand new Harley Davidson Nightster.

The only problem was son Stacey had flown to Vegas for the visit and completed the purchase on the same Monday he was boarding the plane for Reno.

OK I know this story of why I have been so busy took a little turn, but I had to give you a little background of why I was fun busy. He let me help, you know, or well, I kinda forced my help on him I guess.

OK so envision this, it is Monday, son Stacey owns a motorcycle, he flies back to Reno to return to work and his new motorcycle is still at the dealer.

So here's the dilemma, son Stacey has just been on vacation so getting more time right now is not the best idea. The dealer wants the bike picked up to relieve the responsibility of protecting and storing it. So as any dad would do, Tuesday I left job #1 a little early and loaded the new bike in my truck prior to going to my job #2 and brought it home.

Can you feel his pain yet?

Now back to my story. So here I am working the night shift til midnight gazing across the way at this brand new Nightster sitting in the back of my truck and I am contemplating how son Stacey and his brand new shiny motorcycle will be reunited.

As with any dad, one does not like to see their child sad so I concocted a somewhat brilliant idea that I ran by the wife Vicki Wednesday morning.

The wife Vicki agreed it was a brilliant idea - not somewhat brilliant, but rather a very brilliant idea and she suggested I go for it.

So Wednesday I knocked off job #1 at noon and by 12:30 I was on the road to Reno to reunite son Stacey with his Harley.

If any of my readers have made the trip from Vegas to Reno you know it is a long boring drive.

So imagine how boring it must be for the Nevada Highway patrol out there with no excitement until you get the glimpse of a nice new black Harley Davidson in the back of a pick up truck.

Surely you would want a closer look right?

I'm not sure how the Highway Patrolman could see since he was going the opposite direction as I was and he would have to see it over a hill, but as soon I crested this hill and saw him at the same time as my radar detector went off, he hit his red lights so he could take a look at that shiny black bike.

He was a real nice guy and really thought the bike was nice although he must have figured it was too classy for a guy like me to have because he asked whose it was.

While he was admiring the bike, he did mention that since he noticed on his radar gun I was a tad over the posted speed limit and since he already had me stopped, he felt obligated to write me a ticket.

I suggested either his radar gun or my speedometer was wrong and that I really didn't understand why the Highway Patrol seems to always pick on me every time I make the trip either up or back.

Did I mention he was a nice guy? Well, not nice enough to agree with me so alas I have another ticket to add to my collection.

I don't think he has any kids yet either, otherwise, when he heard my story rather than a ticket I would have gotten a high speed police escort to Reno red lights and sirens all the way.

Well that is what I would have done had I been the Highway Patrol.

Finally I arrive to my destination and get to unload the bike and see both sons Stacey and Tyler.

It was a great reunion for son Stacey and his new Nightster but I guess I was a little shaky taking the pictures as they have a little blur. Of course it may have been I was hurrying because son Stacey wanted to take a ride.

I visited with son Tyler while son Stacey took a short ride, then I said my goodbyes and headed back to Vegas.

It worked out well. I left Vegas at 12:30 P.M. Wednesday and arrived back in Vegas in the wee hours Thursday morning at 3:35 A.M., grabbed a few winks of shuteye and made it to work by 8 A.M. Round trip 904 door to door.

The good news was on the way back I had nothing in the back of the truck the highway patrol would want to see so they didn't stop me on the way home.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

My "Just Ask Wag" advice column has some questions forwarded to it so if you have any questions forward them as well and stay tuned for my responses.

God Likes My Blog

2009-08-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

Some things are great, such as having oldest son home for a visit.

I'm sure my readers are going through withdrawals not seeing anything new on here, so I am going to cheat a little with today's post.

This is one the wife Vicki will appreciate.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only God keeps You Going!

Christian One Liners

Don't let your worries get the best of you;
Remember, Moses started out as a basket case.

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited
Until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God,
But only as advisers.

It is easier to preach ten sermons
Than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose,
But mosquitoes come close.

When you get to your wit's end,
You'll find God lives there.

People are funny; they want the front of the bus,
Middle of the road,
And back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once,
But temptation bangs on the front door forever.

Quit griping about your church;
If it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If a church wants a better pastor,
It only needs to pray for the one it has.

We're called to be witnesses, not lawyers or Judges.

God Himself doesn't propose to judge a man until
he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete
Thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches;
What difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members singing 'Standing on the Promises'
Are just sitting on the premises.

Be ye fishers of men. You catch 'em - He'll clean 'em.

Stop, Drop, and Roll won't work in Hell.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified,
He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone,
But probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Co-pilot, swap seats!

Prayer:
Don't give God instructions, just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as
great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God never takes you to where the
Grace of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message,
The message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is
By what it takes to discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.

2009-08-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

No blog today as son Stacey is home for a visit and I used the time I would spend writing a post visiting with him..

I Got Questions

2009-08-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

I'm not the smartest guy in the world so maybe you can help me with a question.

Why do we care about dark matter?

Work begins on world's deepest underground lab

Far below the Black Hills of South Dakota, crews are building the world's deepest underground science lab at a depth equivalent to more than six Empire State buildings — a place uniquely suited to scientists' quest for mysterious particles known as dark matter.

Your tax money at work for that matter.

Wouldn't it be cheaper to lock them in a dark room and let them look there so the cost won't matter?

For scientists the cost doesn't matter.

Scientists believe only their research will matter.

Does it matter what you do with the matter when you find it?

Why does it matter?

I guess if they find it, an age old question will be answered. What's the matter?

If they don't find it I guess you would say, 'I don't mind you don't matter.'

If they do find it I guess it will then be a matter of fact.

If they find more than one matter, then that will be what matters.

If the scientists find it, will they document it as a matter of time?

If they find oil, that will surely matter.

I doubt anyone will answer my question but I guess it won't matter.

How will they know they found it if it is dark?

OK, my editor Pat turned me on to a story that makes me ask the question, 'Has common sense disappeared?'

No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service!

A sign we have all seen has now taken on a whole new meaning thanks to the King.

Yes The King. I'm sure you have all seen the Burger King.

Well, it appears one of the King's loyal employees may have flame broiled their brain.

"No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service!" That's what the mother of 6-month-old Kaylin Frederich was told by the manager of her local St. Louis, Missouri, Burger King when she tried to order a Whopper.

Isn't Burger King the one that coined the phrase 'Have it your way?'

Kaylin, her mom, Jennifer, and Jennifer's mother were booted from the restaurant due to "health concerns."

The manager told her, "You can order 'to go' but you're going to have to leave if she doesn't have shoes on.' He said, 'It's against health code.'"

Kaylin's mom said she put socks on the baby's feet to try to comply with the manager's request, but the manager threatened to call the police.

That certainly qualifies as a 911 call don't you think?

That's it for this week as I do doubles Thursday and Friday.

Two Old And One Bold

2009-08-05T00:01:00.000-07:00

Why is it people don't want help from older people?

'Litter Vigilante' Cited For Trash Piles

Paul McCarthy, 62, said nobody else was cleaning up the trash and brush in his neighborhood, so in June he started doing it and calling the city to collect the piles

So wouldn't you think the city officials of Pittsburgh would be happy that someone was cleaning up their streets for free especially in times of tight budgets? Wrong!!

Pittsburgh officials have cited a self-styled litter vigilante for making debris piles on city sidewalks. A public works inspector gave McCarthy two citations on July 13, with unspecified fines.

McCarthy defended his actions and said litter on the ground negatively affected people's attitudes when they traveled through his neighborhood.

And the City Public Works Department's deputy director of operations thoughts:

"Some of the stuff he does, I think he does to aggravate us," Rob Kaczorowski, the city Public Works Department's deputy director of operations, was quoted as saying in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette.

So the Public Works staff "are put out because this is creating a little more work for them."

I don't know about you, but I enjoy walking through litter rather than around some piles stacked waiting to be picked up.

Government mentality at its best!!!!

Time to fade away into the sunset and die - you are no longer useful even when working for free.

Do you suppose it was a disappointing wedding night?

81-Year-Old Newlywed Disappears

An 81-year-old man who recently married his childhood sweetheart is missing.

Harrod proposed to Fontelle Heeter in 1950 but their relationship ended after he went off to serve with the Marines in the Korean War.

Both married others, had children, and were widowed. Recently Fontelle's daughter -- who had heard stories of her mother's first love -- tracked down Harrod's phone number and a reunion was arranged. The couple married in Orange County.

Fontelle returned to her Kansas City home to pack up her belongings and bring her dog to her new husband's Placentia home.

When she arrived on Wednesday, he was nowhere to be found.

My wife and I had words,
But I didn't get to use mine.

One can only wonder if maybe she was not the same girl he used to know.

Everyone loves to take a vacation right?

Woman demands refund for vacation spoiled by naked girls

A Serbian woman is demanding a full refund of her Greek vacation, not because of bed bugs or a noisy room, but because their room was next to a room occupied by 2 girls enjoying themselves on their balcony (naked).

It seems the girls were out on their balcony so often, that her husband suddenly had a similar urge to soak up some sun.

In addition to the black eyes the husband got from the wife, he also suffered a sore neck from enjoying the view so much.

I mean, really, what is there to see in Greece anyway? Well, more than I thought. Hello, Orbitz? What kind of rates do you have at that hotel?

Issues

2009-08-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

I have computer issues so there will be no post today.

Just Ask Wag

2009-08-03T00:01:00.000-07:00

From Wag's mailbox reader Kerri writes:

My oldest wrote in pen on my chairs at work her name.
Lovely....

So Ask Wag: What kind of punishment does she deserve??? A good ol' beatin or grounding?

Dear Kerri,

While I am a believer there are times a good ol' beating and/or grounding is warranted, I do not think in this instance either should apply.

A child should never be discouraged from writing even if it is only their name they are writing. The ability to write legibly is very important so apply the practice-makes-perfect theory.

However, they must understand that the world is not their canvas and there are proper places for them to paint.

I would suggest a two part punishment.

First, if you have not already cleaned or tried to clean the ink, I would tell her that you want her to try to remove it and show her how. Keep in mind that should be under your direct supervision.

If you have already tried to remove the ink yourself, have her dust your office counters and tables in exchange.

Second, give her a pen and paper and have her write "Mom I am sorry" 25 times. That equals 100 words which is more than she will want to write, but be firm.

Now, this next step is probably the most important part of my advice.

After she completes her punishment you will have a guilt feeling wondering if the punishment was too harsh, so here is what you do.

As soon as she has completed her task, count it to make sure she did the correct number, tell her good job, then you take her to Burger King for an 89 cent ice cream cone.

While just the two of you are enjoying your ice cream, you tell her how nice her writing is, how much you like to see her write, but that as she now knows, chairs are not the proper place to practice. Give her a spiral notebook and encourage her to use it whenever she has the urge to write or draw.

Wag

Another reader has this advice for Kerri;

"Just Ask Wag" comment for Kerri. Put the gloves on your monster and have her clean the chairs with a stain (ink) remover. ~Liana

Thank you Liana for adding your advice for Kerri.

See readers, that's how it works so join in at any time.

To my readers: Do you have a question you would like to "Just Ask Wag?"

It's easy. Just leave your question in the comment section and stay tuned for the answer.

Many receive advice; only the wise profit from it. - Latin Maxim

You Be The Judge

2009-07-31T00:01:00.000-07:00

OK readers, I need your comment as to whether you think this is a good or bad idea.

I've been thinking I might add something new and hopefully helpful for people that see my blog.

I grew up reading Ann Landers and Dear Abby so I think that might qualify me as an expert for people to write to for advice.

The way it would work is people would send their questions anytime to my blog via the comment section which allows the sender to either attach their name or sign as anonymous.

If one chooses to remain anonymous even I have no way of knowing who they are.

When a comment is made, the comment won't post unless I approve it, so with the advice questions I would extract them rather than posting, then once a month I would publish the question along with my sound advice.

If a person wants advice but does not want their question published, then they would have to tell me that and include an email address for me to respond to.

As was the case with Ann and Abby, there would be no boundaries as to subject matter or types of questions that could be asked.

I am hopeful I would be receiving a lot of questions, and can answer more frequently as the demand dictates.

I'm thinking of calling it "Just Ask Wag."

Now I am asking you to please respond in my comment section with 'it is a good idea' or 'it is a bad idea.'

Many receive advice; only the wise profit from it. - Latin Maxim

Hey Buddy, Do You Have A Light?

2009-07-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

A fluorescent light that is. Oh you don't? Well, you will.

Will you like it? I don't think so, but the Government, in their infinite wisdom, is going to mandate that you use them.

Well gee, what's not to like? Fluorescent bulbs use 75 percent less electricity and last up to 10 times longer.

Ah, but there is a small, or large, caveat that most people are not aware of.

Lets review, shall we?

Fluorescent bulbs can cost 10 times more than incandescent ones.

The fluorescent bulbs must be used for at least 15 minutes once they are turned on and ideally for at least several hours at a time.

Turning them off quickly after you have turned them on dramatically reduces their life expectancy.

Well, that is not a problem. I'm sure once you hit your light switch you always leave the light on for 15 minutes.

Let's think back, shall we? Do any of you remember what we have now learned about the dangers of mercury?

Oh oh, last time I checked fluorescent light bulbs contain mercury.

Has anyone ever done any kind of study on whether the mercury in a little light bulb is anything to be concerned about?

The answer is yes. One study found that immediately after the bulb was broken - and sometimes even after a cleanup was attempted - levels of mercury vapor exceeded federal guidelines for chronic exposure by as much as 100 times.

Oh those studies are studies. What does the EPA say just in case you break one?

Before Clean-up: Air Out the Room

Have people and pets leave the room, and don't let anyone walk through the breakage area on their way out. Open a window and leave the room for 15 minutes or more. Shut off the central forced-air heating/air conditioning system, if you have one.

Clean-Up Steps for Hard Surfaces

Carefully scoop up glass pieces and powder using stiff paper or cardboard and place them in a glass jar with metal lid (such as a canning jar) or in a sealed plastic bag. Use sticky tape, such as duct tape, to pick up any remaining small glass fragments and powder. Wipe the area clean with damp paper towels or disposable wet wipes. Place towels in the glass jar or plastic bag. Do not use a vacuum or broom to clean up the broken bulb on hard surfaces.

Clean-up Steps for Carpeting or Rug

Carefully pick up glass fragments and place them in a glass jar with metal lid (such as a canning jar) or in a sealed plastic bag. Use sticky tape, such as duct tape, to pick up any remaining small glass fragments and powder. If vacuuming is needed after all visible materials are removed, vacuum the area where the bulb was broken. Remove the vacuum bag (or empty and wipe the canister), and put the bag or vacuum debris in a sealed plastic bag.

Clean-up Steps for Clothing, Bedding and Other Soft Materials

If clothing or bedding materials come in direct contact with broken glass or mercury-containing powder from inside the bulb that may stick to the fabric, the clothing or bedding should be thrown away. Do not wash such clothing or bedding because mercury fragments in the clothing may contaminate the machine and/or pollute sewage.

You can, however, wash clothing or other materials that have been exposed to the mercury vapor from a broken CFL, such as the clothing you are wearing when you cleaned up the broken CFL, as long as that clothing has not come into direct contact with the materials from the broken bulb.

If shoes come into direct contact with broken glass or mercury-containing powder from the bulb, wipe them off with damp paper towels or disposable wet wipes. Place the towels or wipes in a glass jar or plastic bag for disposal.

Disposal of Clean-up Materials

Immediately place all clean-up materials outdoors in a trash container or protected area for the next normal trash pickup. Wash your hands after disposing of the jars or plastic bags containing clean-up materials.

Check with your local or state government about disposal requirements in your specific area. Some states do not allow such trash disposal. Instead, they require that broken and unbroken mercury-containing bulbs be taken to a local recycling center.

No no, you are not done yet.

Future Cleaning of Carpeting or Rug: Air Out the Room During and After Vacuuming

The next several times you vacuum, shut off the central forced-air heating/air conditioning system and open a window before vacuuming. Keep the central heating/air conditioning system shut off and the window open for at least 15 minutes after vacuuming is completed.

I don't know about you, but I have never broken a light bulb and I'm sure Home Depot has never had one break in their store either.

So if we put our head back in the sand I guess the only worry is how to throw them away when they burn out.

What should you do with a burned out bulb?

Undoubtedly many people will simply dispose of used compact fluorescent light bulbs in the trash.

The problem with the bulbs is that they'll break before they get to the landfill. They'll break in containers, or they'll break in a dumpster or they'll break in the trucks. Workers may be exposed to very high levels of mercury when that happens or should the bulb break in your trash then you too will be exposed.

Oh, I almost forgot. How do we transport them from the store to our house?

Warnings state that the bulbs be put in containers with tight fitting lids and further suggesting the containers be filled with kitty litter around the bulbs to protect them from breaking due to sudden shocks. There is even the helpful suggestion that the container be labelled “Mercury — DO NOT OPEN.”

You might want to consider tying them on you roof in case one of the bulbs break. That way they are in a well-ventilated area and not inside your car.

Ah, but rest easy because the dim bulbs in Washington D.C. will keep the light on for ya.

Something Smells

2009-07-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

How cool is this? GM gets a huge influx of cash from the Government, goes bankrupt, emerges as the new GM and their first new product off the assembly line is?

Cadillac cologne.

GM apparently has decided to start small -- small, as in the Cadillac Fragrance for men.

Cadillac cologne is described as having a real "guy" smell, composed with top notes of grapefruit and chamomile; middle notes of geranium, tarragon and cinnamon; and a dry-out of ebony, sweet spice, vetiver and incense.

The company GM licensed to make this new line of scents, Beauty Contact Inc., describes it as "at once bold and sporty, yet luxurious and refined. It pays tribute to the opulence and extravagance of past eras, as well as the luxury and ease of today."

Well guess what, Beauty Contact Inc is based in Dubai, United Arab Emirates.

Our Government owns 60% of the new GM and the company GM licensed to make this new line of scents, Beauty Contact Inc., is from the United Arab Emirates.

Oh GM probably couldn't find a company in the United States that could make cologne.

That must be another one of those jobs you hear about that no one in the United States wants to do.

Is it any wonder GM wasted all our bailout money and had to file for bankruptcy?

Can't you see it now, someone gives you a bottle of Cadillac cologne, you open it and put a dab behind each ear, then it suddenly gives you the urge to race to your nearest dealer and buy a Cadillac. Now that's some good stuff.

Speaking of our Government owning automakers, we are also part owners of Chrysler, and in addition our Government forced Chrysler to make the Italian automaker Fiat a partner as well.

So now instead of being all American it now has the Italian influence.

That makes me wonder if to compete with GM, the first new product off the Chrysler assembly line will be Spaghetti Sauce.

Can't you see the ad, Chrysler Hemi Spaghetti Sauce, bold and sporty, yet tasteful and refined.

I can see it now, the husband comes home after a hard day of job hunting and the little woman is standing at the stove with her high heels on, hair all in place, lipstick and makeup on, wearing a dress with an apron over it tending to the Chrysler Hemi spaghetti sauce simmering on the stove.

The aroma is in the air and the man is so overcome with the tantalizing fragrance he tells his wife to turn off the stove because he wants to do it right now.

"Right now?" she exclaims, "But what about dinner? I have been in the kitchen all day simmering the new Hemi spaghetti sauce from Chrysler and you come home and want to do it right now?"

"Yes," he says. "I have the urge to do it, so we really should, don't you think?"

She replies, "Well, dear, it has only been 3 years since we did it the last time, so don't you think it is too soon to do it again?"

"No," he says. "It's not too soon and that's all I have been thinking about all day so let's just go do it."

"Well, OK," she says. "I really don't want to do it, I have a headache and even though I know it will only take you about 3 minutes to finalize the deal it always seems to take forever to get it done. If you really insist, let me go slip into something more comfortable before we do it."

Can't you picture it now? She turns off the Hemi spaghetti sauce, slips into something comfortable, they get in their 3-year-old car and head to the Chrysler dealer to meet the salesman Guido and purchase a new car.

A red Hemi, of course, just like the Chrysler spaghetti sauce.

Memo to the wife Vicki regarding your comment on Monday 7-27-09 blog: "I loved my '66Mustang." You should have filed divorce papers the day I convinced you to let me sell it. That car was a classic and I was stupid.

Fishing Story

2009-07-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

Something made me think of fishing the other day, and I recalled a time when I was 10 years old that a friend of mine and I went fishing.

On this day, I was sitting in the shade of a cottonwood tree when my friend Ronnie walked up and said, "Whatcha doing?" I said, "Nothin, whatcha doing?" He said nothin, so I said, "Well if you aren't doing nothin why don't ya sit a spell?" Ronnie said OK and sat down.

We sat there for about 10 minutes watching the cotton from the cottonwood trees floating in the air then Ronnie said, "Whatcha wanna do?" I said, "I don't know, whatcha wanna do?"

We sat there another 10 minutes watching the cotton from the cottonwood trees floating in the air and then Ronnie said, "You want to go fishin?" I thought about it and said, "Sure, why not."

There was a lake about 2 miles down the road so Ronnie and I each got a can and off down the old dusty road we walked kicking our cans as we went.

After our 15 minute walk, we got to the lake and Ronnie said, "Where do you think we should fish?" I said, "That looks like a good spot right there." Ronnie said, "Then that's were we will fish."

So we sat down close as we could to the water and started fishing.

We had only been fishing about 18 minutes when a man walked up and said, "What are you boys doing?" We said fishing and he said, "How are you going to catch the fish?"

I said, "Well mister, my Dad said you can catch fish when they are biting so we take turns putting our toes in the water and when the fish bites our toes then the other one of us will grab and catch that fish."

The man just stood there shaking his head.

The man was carrying a long stick looking thing with a shinny thing on the end of it so I said, "What is that thing you are carrying?"

He said, "This is my brand new $50 fishing pole and $100 reel." I said, "What do you do with that?" The man said, "You throw it out on the water as far as you can and you will catch fish with it."

I said, "Really?" He said, "Yeah, really. Would you boys like to try it?" Well, it was Ronnie's turn to have his toe in the water so I said sure I would try it.

The man handed me his fishing pole and he told me to cast it as far out into the lake as I could.

I was brought up to always do what an adult told me to do so I took that fishing pole walked back about 20 feet, turned, ran towards the water and with all my might I threw that pole as far as I could out into the lake.

I knew I must have done a good job of throwing that pole a long way out into the lake because the man got real excited so much so he was using big words that Ronnie and I had not heard or learned in the fourth grade.

Later Ronnie and I figured we would go home and ask our Mom or Dad to explain those words so when our summer vacation was over and we started the fifth grade we would have a bigger vocabulary than the other kids.

Anyway, the man carried on like that for over 30 minutes, which we just figured he liked to talk while he was waiting for his pole to catch fish.

After he ran out of things to say he swam out into the lake and began diving under the water over and over for what must have been about an hour.

Ronnie hollered out to him and asked him what he was doing to which he hollered back he was trying to find his fishing pole.

Finally the man found his pole and swam back to where we were and drug himself out of the water and was standing there all wet looking at his fishing pole.

I said to the man, "Well, your fishing pole didn't catch any fish either so I guess the fish are just not biting."

Ronnie spoke up and said, "Yeah, my Dad says you can't make any noise in the water when you are fishin or you will scare the fish away. With all that splashing around you were doing out there you scared the fish and they left. Thanks a lot mister."

I said, "Yeah, they're not biting now so com'n Ron let's go home."

We said our good-bye's to the man and mixed in with his good bye were more words we would have to ask Mom and Dad the meaning of at the dinner table that night, and with that we walked on down the road home kicking our cans.

Flashback

2009-07-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

When I was younger, I noticed how older people reminisced about things in the past.

Now that I am older, I understand why. For older people the future is an unknown, sometimes frightening thought, but the discussions of the past will most of the time stir memories of things we admired or just plain loved.

Me, I'm a car guy. I just plain love cars, or as older people will say, I loved cars you could look at, identify the brand, the model, the horse power, and the year it was made.

Those were the days when the new cars hit the dealers' showrooms everyone rushed to their lots to see the new models so later that night you could join in conversation with all your other friends because they had checked them out as well.

Those were the days when cars were a statement, cars with an identity.

For my female readers that may not understand any of this, cars for the most part have always been a guy thing.

Us guys wanted our cars and our girlfriends to be hot and fast.

Straight from the factory, cars had fins, wings, bullet tail lights, twin head lights, stripes, spinner hub caps, white walls, baby moons, side pipes, tear drop spotlights, continental kits, fender skirts, curb feelers, mock antennas, rag tops, tuck and roll, bucket seats, bench seats, retractable hard tops, removable hard tops, portholes, 3 deuces, dual quads, a three on the tree or maybe a 4 on the floor, hydromatic, push button automatic, ram air, scoops,and a smorgasbord of cubic inch engines developing horse power that slammed you back in your seat.

Those were the days. The cars had trunks large enough to sneak 5 of your buddies into the drive-in theater and back seats big enough for you to passionately make out with your date while parked at lover's lane.

Cars of today have no distinction. They all look alike, clones.

As far as I am concerned, there only needs to be one large dealer that sells all the brands of cars.

Car shopping would be easy since they all look alike. You walk in, tell the salesman how much money you have to spend and what color you want.

Then the salesman gets on the loud speaker and says bring up #93582408659 in red, customer waiting.

Then as the new owner of #93582408659, as you pull out on the highway no one even turns their head to look at your car because it looks just like all the other cars on the road.

Do you think anyone will write songs about #93582408659?

In my lifetime, I have been fortunate to be able to own enough cars that if I still had them all, they would fill up a car lot.

Of all of the cars I have owned, several of them were real high-power, gear-slamming, sit-you-back-in-the-seat muscle cars that had style and class.

So yes, now that I am old, I do flashback a lot to the past.

Utah Getaway Part 4 The Final Chapter

2009-07-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

Alas, as they say all good things must end.

Friday morning came too soon to our little Utah getaway as we began loading the car for the trip home.

We had such a relaxing time, the dogs had a great adventure, and now it was time to head back to reality.

The wife Vicki sat on the deck one last time as the dogs and I took one last walk around the property and then we got in the car leaving behind the very nice cabin, the trees, the cool mountain air, our new found animal friends and headed back to the sweltering heat and the rat race of Las Vegas.

In response to Kerri's question in my comment section Wednesday asking if Vicki dozed off on the way home so I could kick it up an extra 5 mph, the answer is no she stayed awake the trip home so once again I had to putt along in the slow lane.

The wife Vicki just doesn't understand that I still have the same cat-like quick reflexes that I had 35 years ago and cars are much safer now, but that is a whole nother story for another post.

The Gazebo

Swains Creek is part of Cedar Mountain which is well known to have afternoon clouds move in and have a nice rain storm for a short period of time.

We were not fortunate enough to have any while we were there but the gazebo, which is part of the house and deck, would be a perfect area to observe the storm.

The Choice Of Swains Creek

First off, being familiar with the area, our preference was to find a place to stay in Swains Creek rather than the more well known and advertised Duck Creek.

To us the disadvantage of Duck Creek is the constant roar of ATV's since it is part of a large ATV trail system, along with the hustle and bustle that goes on there because of the hardware store, grocery store, restaurants, gas, lodging, a party atmosphere and all of that which are not conducive to slowing down the pace. In addition, closer attention has to be paid to the dogs thus limiting their free roaming with their nose to the ground.

Duck Creek is only about 5 miles away from Swains Creek so if one wanted to rent an ATV or wanted groceries, a couple of places to eat or things like that, the drive is no big deal.

Swains Creek on the other hand has ATV's driving around but not to the extent Duck Creek does so it is a much quieter, peaceful area and a great place to slow down one's pace and relax.

The Cabin

Over the years Vicki and I have found when you read about or see pictures of places to stay, in many cases the ads have been embellished to appear better than they really are.

No embellishment with this cabin - it is the real deal!

The Testimonial

When Vicki and I find something that we think our friends should know about, we like to share that information with them.

Here is what we experienced in regards to the cabin we stayed in.

We found the pictures in the ad do not do it justice. In the case of the last picture, you are only seeing half of living room.

We soon discovered that everything in their ad was true.

In fact we found a few more things that could have been mentioned. There are permits in the cabin that allow 2 people to fish without a fishing license in the pond and there are fishing poles and a net in case you didn't bring yours. The kitchen cupboard has as many spices as you could ever want to use when cooking. The TV is not just any TV but a wide-screen no less. They have magazines, books, wifi for your lap top, games, puzzles, and a lot more.

It was just refreshing to find that the cabin had everything there. Thanks to the owners, all you need to bring is groceries and your clothes.

The Initial Contact

The owners of the cabin are Russell and Marianne Benson and when I called I spoke to Marianne.

I am ashamed to admit this but from past experiences, when Marianne answered the phone and I asked her about the cabin, I was somewhat expecting her to be curt and ask me if I had read the ad.

Not true, in fact I found her to be just the opposite. I asked questions that she pleasantly answered, she gave answers to questions I hadn't thought of yet, and just offered me a lot of additional information, some of which I knew because we were familiar with the area.

Of course that would be the first of about 5 calls I made to Marianne because once I had the basic information, and with the wife Vicki and I just about to mark our 33rd year of marriage, I am smart enough to know I better have her approval before making a commitment.

In all of my conversations with Marianne she was always pleasant, patient, and helpful which I found refreshing and I appreciated that.

In fact she made me feel like we knew her and she was inviting us to her cabin for dinner.

Will We Stay there Again?

An emphatic yes.

Would We Recommend To Family, Friends And Strangers?

I just did in this blog!!!

Although putting the word out may make it harder for me to find an open date the next time I try to book it.

The Contact Information

Russell and Marianne Benson

(760) 832-6555 (California, USA) Phone 2: (760) 408-1672 (California, USA)

This cabin is a diamond in the rough.

Tell them Dave & Vicki Wagner recommended it to you.

Book a trip now. I guarantee you won't be sorry.

Utah Getaway Part 3

2009-07-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

To continue the story about animal kingdom visitors at the cabin, we were probably 30minutes into our relaxing on the deck listening to the chatty squirrel and watching the happy hummingbirds when Vicki spotted a deer just wandering around.

We looked at each other and said well we sure hope we see another one while we are there.

Little did we know we would have a lot of deer walking through the yard at all hours much to our delight and to the dogs as well though they were not sure what deer were.

Chloe wanted to play with them, Zoe wanted to protect the property by barking at them, and the deer just wanted to graze through.

Every evening we would take the dogs for a ride just down the road and see herds of deer in the meadows.

Return tomorrow for part 4 the final chapter of the Utah Getaway.

Utah Getaway Part 2

2009-07-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

OK so now let's pick up where I left off on my part 1 Utah Getaway story.

On a very short notice we hooked up with the owners of the cabin and they agreed we could stay there Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday of last week.

My partner Richard agreed to cover my day job, and my night job schedule was for Monday and Friday 4 p.m. to midnight so I could cover Monday before leaving and Friday after we returned home.

The dogs knew something was up as the car was partially packed and ready to go by Sunday.

Personally I wanted to leave after I got home from work Monday night, however the wife Vicki would not agree to that.

Through intense negotiations she did agree to a 6 a.m. departure time on Tuesday.

We missed the 6 a.m. time due to me not having a recipe printed so we rolled out of the driveway at 6:03 a.m. sharp.

Of course as I got to the I-15 I realized we were running naked so I had to pull over and get my radar detector from the back and hook it up so we could stretch the legs out on the car and see if she was born to run.

Now we were rolling, and as luck would have it, traveling through Nevada, Arizona and Utah we did not get stopped for speeding. Of course everyone that knows me knows I only go about 1 mile an hour over the posted limit.

So here we are out on the interstate just putting along at the posted speed limit of 75 with me wishing Nevada would go back to the days of no speed limit. (You kind of have to be a little older to remember those good days.)

Here's the deal with cars - I have always felt they should be able to go the top speed as shown on the speedometer otherwise that is false advertising and then you can get your money back and a car that will do as advertised.

The problem is, every car I have owned since October 1976 has had a governor in it, usually sitting in the passenger seat.

Tuesday was no exception so I thought maybe if I made idle chit chat with the governor Vicki sitting in the passenger seat she might not notice is I opened it up a bit.

That didn't work so I hoped she might take a nap and I could put the hammer down but alas she was too excited about our trip to doze off.

So there I was with 200 miles of freeway and a car with a speedometer that goes to 140mph and we are just putting along.

My biggest fear was being passed by one of those Smart Cars, how embarrassing would that be especially since our plates say ZOOMBYA?

I may have gone a mile or two over the speed limit just to blow the carbon out of the car since the wife Vicki is the primary in town driver and I think the computer had her average speed at 12.5 miles per hour.

We finally hit Cedar City and the anticipation began. We took the dogs to Zoe's favorite park so she could show it to Chloe who now, after chasing the tennis balls with Zoe' for 30 minutes, loves it as well.

From there we grabbed an early lunch, hit the store for some last minute groceries, gassed up and headed up the mountain.

The drive up Cedar mountain brought back many memories and stories as Vicki and I over the years had spent many a weekend camping at Navajo Lake at the top of the mountain.

We took the turn off for Swains Creek and as we are headed to the cabin we start to wonder if the cabin is as described or if we will be disappointed.

As we reach the cabin, see the setting in the trees, the deck with chairs sitting there inviting us to kick back and relax we are saying we hope when we open the door it too is as described.

We were not disappointed when we opened the door and walked inside as it was more than we expected and better than advertised.

We rushed to get unpacked and settled in so we could fill those chairs sitting empty on the deck. The dogs, without missing a beat, were roaming with their noses to the ground checking out all the new smells of friends that they would later encounter as would we.

I fixed my ice tea, Vicki grabbed her water and we picked out our chairs, positioned them to our liking and the getaway started.

So there we are, kicked back enjoying the mountain air when we found out how friendly the animal kingdom there is.

It started with a loud greeting from a squirrel sitting in the tree yelling out greetings to us and to Zoe' and Chloe.

He was a chatty little fellow that visited us often during our stay, I think to confuse Zoe' and Chloe as they could never figure out just where he was in the tree.

The wife Vicki has a fascination and love of hummingbirds and was excited to see a feeder hanging on the deck side of the house and commented that she hoped one would stop by for fuel so she could see it.

Much to her delight a hummingbird was the next to stop by and welcome us to the cabin. That was one of many that stopped by during our stay.

Stay tuned for part 3 of the Utah Getaway.

Utah Getaway Part 1

2009-07-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

It was time for a little stress relief for the dogs so we left town and spent a few days at a nice cabin in Swains Creek Utah.

Part 2 will be posted Wednesday

Getting Silly

2009-07-13T00:01:00.000-07:00

Oh now here is another good idea:

A new study commissioned by the Pentagon and the Department of Veterans Affairs recommends a complete ban on tobacco, which would end tobacco sales on military bases and prohibit smoking by anyone in uniform, even combat troops in the thick of battle.

I love this type of new thinking brought on by change. Take away more freedom of choice.

The Government is worried about what smoking might do to someone in the military however it's OK if they are killed by bullets and bombs.

Better to spend the money keeping military personnel from smoking than purchasing body armor don't ya think?

I guess the new changed thinking is we will have a happy and healthy military.

Polock jokes

Do you remember the days gone by before we had to be politically correct and we could make Polock jokes?

Well, I'll let you be the judge on this one because it is a classic.

Mom claims daughter got pregnant from sperm floating in pool

A Polish woman has filed a lawsuit against an Egyptian hotel after claiming her teenage daughter got pregnant from using the pool.

Magdalena Kwiatkowska claims her 13-year-old daughter conceived from a stray sperm floating in the hotel’s mixed-sex pool after she took a dip.

That little guy must have been a good swimmer.

Golf story

You know my friend Wally likes to play golf every Monday and I can't tell you how many times he has said it would have been a good day except the group in front of him played slow.

I guess there must not be any flowers on the golf course because most golfers don't take the time to smell them.

I was thinking about Wally when I read the following:

Golfer sentenced for bashing man with 6-iron

KENT, Wash. -A golfer has been sentenced to 1 1/2 years in prison for bashing another player over the head with a 6-iron during a fight over slow play.

I always thought with all the handicaps in golf there would be some people that play slower than others.

There must be some kind of misunderstanding.

The other night my wife and I were meeting some friends at a restaurant. They called to say they were going to be late.

We decided to sit in the restaurant patio to wait for them. I told my wife to go find a suitable table and I would get us a Coke.

A few minutes later I was walking through the bar on my way to the patio. I noticed two young ladies sitting at the bar, and as I passed, one of them nodded towards me and the other said, "Nine."

Feeling pleased with myself I swaggered over to my wife and told her that a girl at the bar had just rated me as a nine.

My wife said, "I wouldn't get too excited if I were you.... when I walked by them they were speaking German."

It's hell getting old!!!

This will be the only post this week as my schedule is such I won't have time to enlighten you.

Bizzarre Friday

2009-07-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

With all the famous deaths in the news, I thought today would be a good time to highlight a few others.

I'm sure all my readers know once a woman gets married, things change and she is in charge. This is nothing new - it happened way back in the times of Attila the Hun.

I wonder how many of you remember Attila the Hun from your history books in school?

Attila the Hun died on his wedding night. Hard to believe such a nice guy would die on his wedding night, don't you think?

He did, after all, die under mysterious circumstances.

Sometime after his marriage, Attila’s nose began to bleed excessively, and he died in a blood-loss induced trance.

Rumor has it his wife was displeased and smacked him in the nose.

Fast forward to 1923 and Frank Hayes.

Not a household name, huh? Well, Frank Hayes was a jockey.

Frank Hayes was a jockey who, in 1923, suffered a fatal heart attack in the midst of a race at Belmont Park in New York.

His horse, Sweet Kiss, finished and won the race with his lifeless body still atop, making him the first, and thus far, only jockey to win a race after death.

Belmont Park was the scene on June 4, 1923. Jockey F. Hayes, riding a sterling finish on Sweet Kiss, a famous steeplechaser, was stricken with heart failure as he charged into the stretch in the lead. To the spectators it appeared as if Hayes with victory assured, was hand-riding his mount in the closing stages, slumped as he was over the horse's neck. Sweet Kiss had hardly crossed the finish line, however, when Hayes toppled from the saddle. All rules were waved by the Jockey Club in this instance, the result being declared official without the customary formality of weighing in.

The New York Times reported that Hayes was an apprentice and "...the attack probably [was] brought on by severe training to make weight and the subsequent excitement of riding his first winner." The 22-year-old jockey was buried in his racing silks three days later.

Which proves the theory that the horse is actually much more important than the jockey.

Rumor is that Sweet Kiss was the mother to two other would-be racing horses but no jockey would ride them. They were named Dead On Arrival and Kiss Of Death.

Maybe more of you are familiar with Tennessee Williams.

Do you remember how he bought it?

Williams died on February 24, 1983. The famous writer died a ridiculously unnecessary death in the Hotel Elysee in New York City after choking on…no, not food…but on the cap to his eye drop bottle.

Williams liked to put the cap of the bottle in his mouth, tilt his head back, and drop the refreshing eye liquid in.

Rumor has it there was some alcohol involved prior to the eye treatment.

OK I am working up to the last two entries that I think are the best.

And now the runner up on ways to buy it:

Isadora Duncan

Duncan was one of fashion's most famous victims when in 1927, her signature long flowing scarves became entangled in the rotor of the car in which she was riding. She was pulled from her seat, and her neck was snapped as her body was dragged along the cobblestone street in France.

Those darn cobblestone streets.

Drum roll please..... and for the grand finale:

Felix Faure

Who was Felix Faure you ask? Felix Faure was president of France.

How do you think he bought it?

In 1895, he had the life literally sucked out of him.

He was in his presidential office receiving oral sex from an actress (not a secretary, as more contemporary presidents prefer) when he passed away.

Police at the scene were overheard saying "That's the way to go."

The police are always right.

Have a great weekend.

Yes, Michael Jackson Is Still Dead.

2009-07-09T00:01:00.000-07:00

Ed McMahon died. He was a great entertainer, but prior to his stage accomplishments he was a distinguished Marine Corps fighter pilot in WWII earning six Air Medals and attaining the rank of Colonel. He was discharged in 1946 and was later promoted to the rank of Brigadier General in the CA Air National Guard.

Farrah Fawcett died after a long career in Hollywood as an actress. After she was diagnosed with cancer, she became an activist for cancer treatment and devoted her last remaining years encouraging people to seek treatment. She documented her plight on film and used it to encourage others to stay positive and upbeat despite their diagnosis and suffering.

Michael Jackson died. He was perhaps one of the greatest singers of modern time. He will also be remembered for his eccentric lifestyle that included sleeping with a chimpanzee, living in a carnival-like atmosphere at Neverland, his fascination with Peter Pan, and his numerous masks and costumes. He also admitted to finding pleasure sleeping with young boys and paying out millions of dollars in settlements to the families of these boys despite being acquitted by a court on one allegation of sexual molestation.

QUESTION - Which of the above did the House of Representatives declare a moment of silence for on Monday? (Hint - It wasn't the first two.)

QUESTION - Which of the above's family received a personal note of condolence from President Obama? (Hint - It wasn't the first two.)

NY Congressman Pete King had some interesting comments about Jackson. Please check them out here.

As some of you may know, Michael Jackson was paid a tidy sum as a deposit for his so-called European concerts.

Since he overdosed on drugs and died thus not fulfilling his part of the contract, that money has to be paid back.

Rumor on the street is, his estate will honor the contract and Michael Jackson will perform at all those concerts.

He won't be doing the moon walk at those sold out concerts, rather he will be laying there in his casket for his fans while the movie of his funeral is shown on large screens.

Now you know why he wasn't buried.

I also heard, with anticipation of grabbing a fast buck, Joe Jackson ordered 10 million Michael Jackson bobble head dolls from China.

Sources say, when the bobble head dolls arrived there was a small problem.

They say that when the heads bobbled the nose fell off.

Oh speaking of alleged pedophiles, I wonder how many of you are aware of a dangerous bill sitting in the U.S. Senate right now the So-Called 'Hate Crimes' Bill.

This bill will protect all 547 forms of sexual deviancy or "Paraphilias" listed by the American Psychiatric Association! This would provide a huge mass of "sacred cows" in our society, which includes pedophiles who would be given elevated protection -- giving "the offender" an additional decade behind bars.

Rep. Alcee Hastings (D-FL), who supports this bill, admitted that the bill would protect all 547 forms of sexual deviancy listed by the APA. Here's what Hastings said on the floor of the U.S. House itself:

'This bill addresses our resolve to end violence based on prejudice and to guarantee that all Americans regardless of race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability or all of these "Philias" and fetishes and "isms" that were put forward need not live in fear because of who they are. I urge my colleagues to vote in favor of this rule.'

According to Rep. Louie Gohmert (R-TX): If this bill that the U.S. House passed isn't stopped in the Senate, here's what can happen,
If a mother hears that their child has been raped and she slaps the assailant with her purse, she is now gone after as a hate criminal because this is a protected class. There are other protected classes in here. I mean simple exhibitionism. I have female friends who have told me over the years that some guy flashed them, and their immediate reaction was to hit them with their purse. Well now, he's committed a misdemeanor, [and] she has committed a federal hate crime because the exhibitionism is protected under sexual orientation… You see someone spying on you changing clothes and you hit them -- they've committed a misdemeanor; you've committed a federal felony under this bill.

Rep. Steve King (R-IA) offered an amendment that was very simple: "The term sexual orientation as used in this act or any amendments to this act does not include pedophilia."

The majority Democrats refused to accept that amendment.

Ted Kennedy (D-MA) and Patrick Leahy (D-VT) have introduced the bill into the Senate. However, because of the OUTRAGE they're hearing from their constituents -- -- they're going to try to sneak it through by adding it as an amendment to a completely different bill... and Democrat Majority Leader Harry Reid has reaffirmed his plans to have the Senate vote on this dangerous bill before Congress' August recess!

But where are the clowns?
Quick, send in the clowns.
Don't bother, they're here.

The Day The Circus Came To Town

2009-07-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

OK already, Michael Jackson is dead.

For two weeks now all we hear is the sadness of Michael Jackson's passing and millions of people gathering to grieve.

Our country is in a mess and the most important thing seems to be the death of a many-times-alleged pedophile.

The King of Freak is dead which means allegedly there are some kids that can sleep more comfortably now.

I think I am the only one that has ever asked who those three kids that lived with him belong to.
No one has ever answered as to how they just somehow became his. I realize he used a lot of skin bleaching but not enough to produce blond-haired blue-eyed kids.

Sure Debbie Row claims to be the mother to two of them and says Michael ain't their daddy, but then where did the third kid come from?

Also, there were never any adoptions by him of any of the three.

This begs the question how the legal community allowed a several-time-alleged pedophile to have three kids that he had no legal right to living under his roof?

But now we are being told we must overlook the fact a several-time-alleged pedophile obtained three kids somehow to live with him and overlook a lot of other things he did.

Why? Because he sang some songs and sold a lot of records. The worst part is that is exactly what people are doing.

Is it any wonder this country is so screwed up?

But hey, the internet had its busiest day Saturday with people registering for tickets to the Circus at the Staples center in Los Angeles.

Tickets are free, but you'll have to be really lucky to get these tickets.

That's right, you'll have to be really lucky to get these tickets to witness the Superbowl of funerals for a many-time-alleged pedophile.

The one really great thing about this circus is that with the economy down and many small businesses closing, at least the small entrepreneurs selling tee shirts will do well.

There is a couple of other celebrity deaths that rumor has it the authorities are investigating how they may somehow be associated with Michael Jackson's death.

There is a rumor that the death of Michael Jackson caused the death of Billy Mays. Rumor has it Michael Jackson was the largest purchaser of OxiClean because he thought the Oxi was OxiContin and the clean would make him able to pass a drug test.

Upon the shock of Billy Mays hearing the largest purchaser of OxiClean had died, Billy's heart quit.

The second rumor is when Steve McNair told his girlfriend if he won tickets to Jackson's funeral that he was taking his wife instead of her, McNair's girlfriend was so distraught she got the gun out of the drawer and shot McNair and then shot herself.

That's just a few of the many rumors.

I suspect this circus will be in town for a long time and bring out many more clowns.

The Caper Crusader

2009-06-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

As I travel down the gravel ridden ridges in the forest I un-chorus in a choral a’ choragic agric courses that are cording in a course of coronal aseptic torches, torching Trojan horses hoarding hormonal forces forming formulistic flicks of that filthily flavored formula, a storm erection wrecking in pen-perfected portions of an ominous and dominant dawn-drawn on an ottoman, an automatic manic attack-attacking all of them, I’m sickle celled and spelled with repellent pellets and picketing, a fickle fiend who’s feigning for follicle rollick seasonings, a volatile and versatile spillage of pillaged pillaging, just bringing heated helium treats-retreat and tickle tease that treason breezing bred for attack-tact smacking mysteries, tag teaming liquid lyric relapse-Jack coking whisperings with purring turban turbulent tracks-of racket happenings, he happens to be made out of straps-of rapping allergies all stinging slang derangement on tap-with fact and actually, I’m slinging rings of Ritalin raps-with raspy rationings, while rational and passion full packed-with cracked infracted rings, I’m rapturous while wrapped in a sack-nap sacking tragedy whose tragedy traps too many tracks-of tragic factorings, a factory of gory in allegory and aniseed, breeding flavored flavorful speak-in speed delivery, deliver witticisms with cynic brittle and written riddles, ridding rhombic rhetoric romps-with bombs of folk that fiddle, fickle tickle trickling tricks-of slips that skittle scuttle puddles cuddled under a blunder of thunder wonder bread, I’m bred from mental vengeful attack-reactions in the head, I’m heading down the path of a pathological prodigy, philology of all of that philosophic philosophy, atrocity to all the all-too-normal abnormities, enormity enormous so form a chorus and christen me, the tiger of rhyme design and written fire perspiring, performing spreading led in the afternoon, evening and morning, start mourning cause the coroner’s owner is close to cornering, the corner market marketing marvelous flavored capering.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Written by my son of course.

Due to a weird work schedule you will just have to check back daily to see when I have another post.

Don't Cry For Me Argentina

2009-06-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

Friends I ask you, is your sex life not what it used to be?

Do you suffer the bedroom doldrums with your partner?

Are you wondering if Viagra or Levitra is the next step but don't want to discuss the matter with your doctor?

Do you want to put that spark back and have pure raw sex in the bed, back seat of a car, kitchen table, floor, couch, lazy boy, desk, balcony of the movie theater, hay field, city park, bathroom stall, hotel room or on the beach to name a few places?

All that and you work part time, travel the world, and have a great retirement package as well?

Well you can, just as many many others are doing or have done.

Don't reach for the Viagra or the Levitra. No my friends, that's not necessary.

All you have to do to get horny is to be elected to a public office and put fire and intrigue back in your sex life.

You can run as a Republican or a Democrat, it doesn't matter. All that matters is you are an office holder.

Oh yes, just as the world turns, just like in the dime store romance novels, you too can put that lust back in your life.

Ah yes, the romance novels that go something like this:

"Beloved, back to you. Got back an hour ago to civilization and I'm now in Columbia after what was for me a glorious break from reality down at the farm. No phones ringing and tangible evidence of days labors."

"Though I started every day at 6:00, this morning I woke at 4:30. I guess since my body knew it was the last day, I went out and ran the excavator with the lights until the sun came up. To me, and I suspect no one else on Earth, there's something wonderful about listening to country music playing in the cab, air conditioning running, and the hum of a huge diesel engine in the background."

Ah yes, there is nothing more romantic than country music and a tractor.

"The tranquillity that comes from being in a virtual wilderness of trees and marsh, the day　breaking in vibrant pink coming alive in the morning clouds and getting to build something with each scoop of dirt."

My God, building something out of dirt - it just doesn't get more romantic than that!

Politicians do like to get in the mud.

"Sweetest, one, the travel schedule is about to get real, real busy. Two, unfortunately all the feelings you describe are mutual. And three, where do we go from here? The following weekend I've been asked to spend out in Aspen, Colorado with John McCain which has kicked up the whole VP talk all over again in the press back home. Do you really comprehend how beautiful your smile is? Have you been told lately how warm your eyes are or how softly they glow with the special nature of your soul?"

Now that's smooth, mix in how important a politician you are while working a sex rendezvous into your schedule.

"My getting here came as no small measure because I had a foundation of love and support so critical to getting up in the morning and feeling you could give and risk because you already had a full tank of love and the emotional bank account."

A full tank of love - I have to remember that one, but you can bet it was more than $3.00 a gallon.

The emotional bank account - is that like your bank telling you your credit card is maxed out?

"Since our first meeting there in a wind swept somewhat open air dance spot in Punta del Este, --"　

Ah yes, an ocean breeze always sets the mood.

Me mind on fire -- Me soul on fire -- Feeling hot hot hot
Party people -- All around me feeling hot hot hot
What to do - On a night like this
Music sweet - I can't resist
We need a party song - A fundamental jam

So we go rum-bum-bum-bum
Yeah we rum-bum-bum-bum
Feeling hot hot hot -- Feeling hot hot hot - oh Lord

See people rocking -- Hear people chanting -- Feeling hot hot hot
Keep up this spirit -- Come on let's do it -- Feeling hot hot hot
It's in the air - Celebration time
Music sweet - captivate your mind
We have this party song - This fundamental jam

So we go rum-bum-bum-bum
Yeah we rum-bum-bum-bum
Feeling hot hot hot -- Feeling hot hot hot - Oh Lord

I felt you had the same rare attribute. I could digress and say that you have the ability to give magnificently gentle kisses or that I love your tan lines or the curve of your hips, the erotic beauty of holding yourself or two magnificent parts of yourself in the faded glow of the night's light. But hey, that would be going into the sexual details we spoke of at the steakhouse at dinner."

Oh yes, nothing better than sex and a good steak!

Somehow I don't think the two magnificent parts the author was referring to were two ice cold Coronas.

I mean　--　as I have said to you before, I certainly had a special feeling about you from the first time we met, but these things were contained, and I genuinely enjoyed our special friendship and comparing of all the too many personal notes and, yes, this is true even if you did occasionally tantalize me with sexual details over the years."　

I was just normal until you occasionally tantalize me with sexual details. Damn sneaky for sure.

In the meantime please sleep soundly knowing that despite the best efforts of my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul."

I don't know about you, but doesn't that make you want to run for public office?

"..my head my heart cries out for you, your voice, your body, the touch of your lips, the touch of your finger tips and an even deeper connection to your soul."

Pure poetry don't you think?

Wow. It's time to adjust the air conditioning thermostat and cool this place. It's sizzling hot!!!

Tick Tock

2009-06-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

Maybe it is just me, but life is no fun anymore.

Usually I get my ideas for posts from what I see going on around the country, and very seldom do I draw a blank.

Lately all I see is the same depressing news, just rewrapped in a different package.

Personally, I think there will be no more fun. We will no longer have a voice. We will no longer be a person. We will just be what we are told to be.

Many of you believe and defend what is happening in our country today, but I, for one, do not.

But I digress, what I started to say at the beginning is I have nothing of interest to post on here today because I find nothing interesting or fun anymore.

Change has come and now from what I have seen, happiness is gone and depressed people abound.

I am old and I guess for me the bright side is, it was fun while it lasted, but now it is over and I am on the downhill side of the journey. Why care anymore when hope is gone?

Life has become boring. I am just passing time.

I have late shifts tonight and Wednesday so there will be no new posts which is probably just as well.

2009-06-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Last night was the late shift so there will be no new post today.

Silly Friday

2009-06-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

I have to believe it's just a female thing

Shoe-Stealing Fox is Busted! Over 100 Shoes Discovered in Den

A female fox has been identified as the perpetrator of a year-long shoe-stealing scheme in the idyllic town of Föhren in the hills of western Germany. For months, residents had been noticing that their slippers, boots, and sneakers were mysteriously disappearing from their doorsteps and back porches.

Tiny little teeth marks on the shoelaces leads the Count to theorize that the vixen had been stealing the footwear for her cubs to play with.

"We found 86 shoes in the den and a further 32 in a nearby quarry where they like to play."

The wife Vicki could teach that fox a thing or two about shoes, let me tell you.

Public service announcement:

Spice up your romantic lives with a little “Mommy” and “Daddy” name-calling.
Oh, Daddy! Parental pet names can add spice.

"Oh Mommy you really know how to heat up the kitchen."

"Oh Daddy put me over your knee and spank me cause I've been a bad little girl."

Well I think you get the idea.

Where do you think the name Go Daddy.Com came from?

OK so this must be a big problem in Florida

BROOKSVILLE, Fla. - A Florida city is cleaning up with a new dress code that requires city workers to wear underwear and use deodorant.

It also prohibits piercings anywhere except the ears.

So my question is how would they know about your piercings underneath your underwear.

Is that what they call an oxymoron?

I guess my other question is how do you get an inspector's job with the city to look for hidden piercings?

The bad economy is hitting everyone, and there are some great real estate deals out there.

Dirt cheap: Cemetery sells 2 graves for price of 1

People are dying to get that deal.

A kiss is just a kiss.

Student who blew kiss to mom denied diploma

A Maine high school senior says he was denied his diploma because he bowed during graduation and blew a kiss to his mother.

Schools Superintendent Suzanne Lukas ordered him back to his seat. She told the Portland Press Herald newspaper she was enforcing behavior rules.

Ah the teachers that are teaching our kids and the Superintendents that got the job because they couldn't teach our kids.

I don't know how many of you knew this but Montana is a very religious state.

Every once in a while the police really need to have a sense of humor.

Barrel ‘monster’ gets N.C. student arrested

Police call it vandalism, but supporters say it’s creative street art

I say that would be the highlight of anyone's daily commute.

Breaking news just in:

The David Carradine autopsy determined the cause of death was, "He had reached the end of his rope."

And that is the end of the week for me. I'll leave you with this bit of trivia:

When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

You Can't Fix Stupid

2009-06-18T00:01:00.000-07:00

Teen Falls Asleep During Face Tattoo

This Belgian teenager supposedly fell asleep while getting her face tattooed and woke up to 56 stars on her face. Now, she's suing the tattoo artist, claiming he misunderstood her. The artist counters that Starface is only peeved because her boyfriend dumped her after seeing the monstrosity.

Um, how do you "doze off" while getting your face inked?

Suspect Hides in Drain Pipe for 12 Hours

LOS ANGELES - The suspect crawled into the storm drain — 18 inches wide by 80 feet long — under a busy freeway and wedged himself inside after officers found him and another man allegedly attempting to steal copper wire from a San Fernando Valley warehouse.

And they didn't leave him there because? I would have waited a month or so.

Naked Intruder Flees, Dons Women's Garb

GOLDEN, Colo. - Authorities said a naked intruder startled a woman in her home west of Denver, then fled in a sheet to another home where he was discovered wearing women's clothing.

Smear my body up with butter, I'm going to the "Freakers Ball."

City Fines for Parking in Own Driveways

TOLEDO, Ohio - Residents of Toledo, Ohio, are complaining that they received $25 tickets for parking their vehicles in their own driveways.

Mayor Carty Finkbeiner says he stands by the citations handed out last week by the Division of Streets, Bridges and Harbor. He says the tickets were issued under a city law against parking on unpaved surfaces, including gravel driveways.

That ought to help his re-election campaign.

Man accused of stealing 88 panties from neighbor

SAN JUAN, Puerto Rico -Puerto Rico police said they have arrested a man accused of snatching 88 pieces of underwear from a neighbor's clothesline.

Police said Wednesday that he returned all of underwear to the woman.

I bet she couldn't wait to use that underwear again.

Oregon woman obsessed with rabbits arrested again

TIGARD, Ore. -Authorities said a woman obsessed with rabbits is in trouble again: In violation of probation terms, she was found holed up in a hotel room with more than a dozen rabbits. Officers said they had to break into the room Tuesday and found eight adults and half a dozen baby rabbits.

She was arrested in 2007 with more than 250 rabbits.

Did you know rabbit tastes just like chicken?

Sub allegedly chokes student during dodgeball game

NEW ROCHELLE, N.Y. -New York police say a substitute gym teacher put a 10-year-old student in a chokehold after the two got in an argument over a dodgeball game.

No wonder the schools want to outlaw dodgeball. It's the adults messing it up.

Man Posed as His Dead Mother

NEW YORK - Irene Prusik has been dead for six years. But in April, someone showed up at the Department of Motor Vehicles in Brooklyn to renew her driver's license.

It was her son, in drag. He had also collected $52,000 from her $700-a-month Social Security checks over six years.

Does anyone remember the movie "Psycho"?

Umpire ejects entire crowd at baseball game
More than 100 booted during high school game for yelling and arguing

WEST BURLINGTON, Iowa - An umpire has emptied the stands at a high school baseball game, ejecting the entire crowd of more than 100 fans for being unruly.

Umpire Don Briggs said he had no problem with any of the student athletes during Thursday’s game between Winfield-Mount Union and West Burlington.

He said he had to take action because fans were being unruly, yelling and arguing.

That's a thin-skinned umpire. I suspect he didn't know his strikes from his balls!!!!

Convict stages son’s bar mitzvah in NYC jail

NEW YORK - The young boy read from the Torah during his bar mitzvah, his guests enjoyed a catered kosher spread and the proud father returned to his cell.

The party for the son of a convicted scam artist was held at a New York City jail, and city taxpayers paid overtime for some of the jail staff to help out.

He must be a real good scam artist, you think!!

Man you just can't make this stuff up.

Hero Worship

2009-06-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

I need some free items. Let me think, new shoes, a new big screen T.V., lots of whiskey, some Twinkies, a Nike shirt or two, more whiskey, and oh yes, cases of beer. Those are just a few of the things that come to mind.

That's right, it's time for Las Vegas to get a professional basketball team so when they win the championship I can break in and take what ever I want from the stores.

That way I can either watch it on T.V. or dress up in my new clothes and go to the victory parades.

Sports figures - you've got to love the way they are treated:

Stallworth Sentenced to 30 Days in Jail

Donte' Stallworth began serving a 30-day jail sentence Tuesday for killing a pedestrian while driving drunk in Florida, a punishment made possible by his cooperation with investigators.

That is a fair sentence for tasking a life, especially since he cooperated with investigators, don't you think?

Sammy Sosa Reportedly Tested Positive For Banned Substance in 2003

During his 2005 testimony in front of Congress, Sosa denied ever using performance-enhancing drugs.

"To be clear, I have never taken illegal, performance-enhancing drugs. I have never injected myself or had anyone inject me with anything," Sosa said then.

Sosa announced his formal retirement from baseball less than two weeks ago, on June 3, telling ESPN Deportes at the time that he would "calmly wait for [his] induction into the Baseball Hall of Fame" and adding "don't I have the numbers to be inducted?"

Former major leaguer Hall on trial in sex case

Ex-player accused of repeated advances on 12-year-old girl 10 years ago

Former major league outfielder Mel Hall is on trial on sexual assault charges, accused of repeated advances on a 12-year-old girl he coached on an elite basketball team a decade ago.

NASCAR Driver Jeremy Mayfield Suspended After Failing Drug Test

Report: Meth Triggered Mayfield Ban

The ongoing fight between Sprint Cup Series driver Jeremy Mayfield and NASCAR over his drug suspension has spilled into lawsuits from both sides.

Mayfield, you may remember, was suspended May 10 after testing positive for a banned substance during a random screening the prior weekend in Richmond

A report on ESPN.com cites two sources with the damning word that Mayfield tested positive for methamphetamine in Richmond.

NASCAR Suspends Another Crew Member for Violating Drug Policy

Andrew Crnkovic, a crew member on the No. 07 Chad McCumbee team, failed a random drug test on May 21 and is the sixth crew member suspended under NASCAR's new drug testing policy.

May 29: Olympic silver medalist and former world kayaking champion Nathan Baggaley was sentenced to at least five years in prison on charges of supplying and manufacturing ecstasy pills.

May 16: Buffalo Bills fullback Corey McIntyre was arrested and accused with exposing and fondling himself in public.

March 12: Former New York Mets pitcher Ambiorix Burgos was convicted of throwing his girlfriend against a wall and punching her in a motel. Burgos was also indicted in September 2008 on charges of hit and run after an accident killed two women.

But they are our heroes because they entertain us I guess, although that doesn't work for me!!

My Heroes Have Always Been Cowboys.

I grew up a-dreamin' of bein' a cowboy,
and Lovin' the cowboy ways.
Pursuin' the life of my high-ridin' heroes,
I burned up my childhood days.
I learned of all the rules of the modern-day drifter,
Don't you hold on to nothin' too long.
Just take what you need from the ladies, then leave them,
With the words of a sad country song.
My heroes have always been cowboys.

Hopalong Cassidy, Lash Larue, Wild Bill Hickok, Red Ryder, Lone Ranger, Cisco Kid, Gene Autry, Roy Rogers, Paladin, Marshall Dillon, Wyatt Earp and of course Rin Tin Tin.

And then a hero comes along,
With the strength to carry on.
And you cast your fears aside,
Cause you know you can survive.
So, when you feel like hope is gone,
Just Look inside you and be strong.
And you'll finally see the truth,
See That a hero lies in you, you, you.
Oh yes it does

People, You Gotta Wonder

2009-06-15T01:00:00.000-07:00

A friend of mine stopped by the other day, and he was depressed because his wife left him.

His wife is deaf and she left him for one of their close friends that was also deaf.

You know, there is only so much sympathy you can give a guy. After listening to his 'poor me' attitude, I told him he had no one but himself to blame for not knowing something was going on.

I told him he should have seen the signs!

Once again I would like to point out the stupidity of global warming. Because global warming is a fallacy, they are now calling it climate change.

The Environmental Protection Agency is proposing a measure to charge for cow farts!

In 2007, the United States Supreme Court ruled that greenhouse gases that are emitted by belching and flatulence of farm animals contribute to air pollution.

The proposal would require farms or ranches with more than 25 dairy cows, 50 beef cattle or 200 hogs to pay an annual fee of about $175 for each dairy cow, $87.50 per head of beef cattle and $20 for each hog, according to the AP.

"The executive vice president of the Wyoming Farm Bureau Federation, Ken Hamilton, estimated the fee would cost owners of a modest-sized cattle ranch $30,000 to $40,000 a year.

He said he has talked to a number of livestock owners about the proposals, and "all have said if the fees were carried out, it would bankrupt them." (AP)

The proposal, seemingly intended to cut down on beef consumption, could be weathered by corporate farms, but family farms would almost certainly cease to exist. It certainly poses a new contemplation of cow pies.

Hello out there, is anyone paying attention?

Speaking of Green:

It's not fashionable to drill here, drill now. We have to drive cars that are the so-called green cars.

If you should have a job and have any money left over for a vacation, this is something like what you will be driving.

Coming soon to a Wal-Mart near you.

Too bad the ole' lady and the dogs couldn't go on vacation with you.

Notice how it is designed for double duty? It is also shaped like a coffin.

As Kermit the frog said, "It ain't easy being green!"

Men, you need to pay close attention to this.

In Villa Rica, Georgia, a man buys a scratch off lottery ticket worth $5,000.00.

So I wonder what most men would tell their wife?

Would they go home with the 5 grand, hand it to the wife and tell her to use it for the family, herself or to pay the bills?

Or would he tell her he won it and was going to spend it on fishing/hunting gear, his car or maybe a big screen TV to watch NASCAR?

One has to hope he gave it to his wife to use as she saw fit. Why, you ask? Well I'll tell you.

One week after Chuck Hill won $5,000 in the Georgia Lottery's Weekly WinFall drawing, his wife did even better.

Karen Hill bought a World Class Millions scratch-off ticket on her way to work at City Chevron in Villa Rica. Her $20 ticket won $1 million.

She splurged and bought one of these:

In closing I wonder, do you know the difference between a pigeon and a wall street banker?

The pigeon can still make a deposit on a new BMW.

As an update I have another late shift tonight so there will be no post tomorrow.

Friday And Back To My Post

2009-06-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

I'm back.....not that anyone might have noticed I was gone.

I had an interesting work schedule that made doing a post every day a little difficult, but here I am.

So with that said, here we go.

I am glad to see other people are wising up to possibly the largest scam to ever take place.

I have addressed it several times on here, and now others are starting to question the fake facts.

Burger King says "Global Warming is Baloney"

Mirabile Investment Corporation, a Memphis-based management company with more then 40 Burger King locations across the Mid-South has placed the words “Global Warming is Baloney” on many if not all of its exterior signs.

I love their Double Whopper with cheese, lettuce, mayonnaise, and ketchup, and now I love their advertising. Oh and don't forget the fries with that!

The evening news.

I'm watching a story on the news about a murder in a residential neighborhood here in town.

The reporter at the scene states, "Some people in this neighborhood feel this should have never happened."

So I'm thinking, if only some people feel murder shouldn't happen in their neighborhood, then there are some in the neighborhood that must think it is OK for someone to be murdered in their neighborhood.

For the times they are a changing. Scary, don't ya think?

It's a good thing everyone has a cell phone these days.

It is obvious the old emergency-only phones situated in areas for a person to call for help are a little outdated.

As the emergency numbers to call for help get higher, some of the old phones just don't go that high.

Does it bother anyone else that the person putting up the sign with the emergency number didn't test the phone?

Speaking of not being too smart:

I'm a follow-the-instruction kind of guy.

I fired up the barbecue to do some barbecued ribs and as with almost all the instructions you read, it instructs you to baste the ribs with BBQ sauce the last 15 minutes of cooking.

OK so I'm down to the last 15 minutes and I grabbed a bottle of some great looking BBQ sauce and I opened it.

Then I noticed the instructions that said refrigerate after opening.

I immediately put the BBQ sauce in the refrigerator as instructed.

I think I have been robbed of the money I paid for the BBQ sauce as I could not put it on the ribs because I had to refrigerate after opening.

I wonder why they even sell it then?

I know my women readers can appreciate this next useful piece of information about men.

A little known fact....

The first testicular guard was used in cricket in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974.

It took 100 years for men to realize that the brain is also important.

Something to remember at the start of your day:

A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone,
even if they don't like you.

Week Off

2009-06-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

Due to this week's work schedule, there will be no new posts this week.

The Week That Was

2009-05-29T00:01:00.000-07:00

What a week!

Monday, the wife Vicki gets sick and starts staggering around like a sailor on a 3-day liberty.

This has not been good, so she finally went to the doctor and found she has fluid on her inner ear causing her to be dizzy.

In the meantime, that meant I had to get my own ice tea, put my slippers on myself, turn the TV on and push the buttons to find a program to watch, walk to the mail box and get the mail, step out the front door and get the paper, adjust the air conditioner, give the dogs food and water, make the bed, grocery shop, vacuum the carpet, take out the trash, answer the phone, turn down my own bed and put my chocolate candy on the pillow, and numerous other household chores.

Man, that medicine better work fast. I'm not supposed to do all that kind of work.

Did you see the news?

Illinois Remains Are Not Stacy Peterson's

Testing done on the remains showed they belonged to a male, police said.

Could it be they have finally found Jimmy Hoffa?

What is it about the service at fast food joints?

Ore. man calls 911 over orange juice at McDonald's

An Oregon man spent Memorial Day in jail after calling 911 to complain that a McDonald's worker was rude and didn't give him an orange juice he ordered.

A McDonald's employee also called 911 during the incident, complaining that the man and the people with him were blocking the drive-thru lane and knocking on the restaurant windows.

Intelligence the final frontier.

I wonder how many of you know the history on why 911 is called nine one one?

On the very first test market back east the number was advertised as nine eleven.

The test markets local police departments normal switch board was jammed by calls from area residents complaining they would be unable to place an emergency call with that number.

They complained they did not think they should have to buy new phones because their phone only went to nine and did not have a ten or an eleven on it.

The implementation of the nine eleven number was delayed for months until they flooded the market with advertising using the words one one.

When you get mad, choose your words carefully:

Conn. woman bitten after 'bite me' remark

An analyst at the Connecticut Police Academy says a co-worker responded literally to her "bite me" remark and chomped on her. Former Waterbury police Capt. Francis Woodruff was charged Tuesday with disorderly conduct.

Wyler's complaint alleges Woodruff was annoying her by calling her a clerk. She says she responded with "bite me" — and he did.

Hmmm, a man that follows a woman's instructions - he must be married.

The French are being French again?

French snub British queen, then shrug off uproar
France failed to invite Queen Elizabeth II to Normandy for next week's 65th anniversary of the Allied landings on D-Day.

The diplomatic faux-pas prompted uproar in Britain, which lost thousands at Normandy and across France while helping free the country from the Nazis.

"I don't get it, personally," said Guy Briand, browsing the morning papers on a park bench just off the Champs-Elysees, in the shadow of a bronze memorial statue of Sir Winston Churchill. "If she comes or not, it's her problem."

If England and the United States had not come, the citizens of France would have been speaking German with a French accent.

Do you know in France they sell survival kits to every citizen in case of an emergency? The kit consists of a white flag.

France's only claim to fame was inventing French Fries and Mc Donalds had to perfect that.

Many think the French invented the French kiss but in fact that was invented by an American G.I.

It was D-Day when the American forces were liberating France and an American G.I. was being kissed by a French woman. During his haste to leave and liberate more of the French his tongue touched hers.

Excitedly she kept him in her grasp as long as she could, then when their lips parted and she had never been kissed like that she queried, "What was that?"

"You are French," he shouted "and you kissed me, so it was a French kiss."

And so the French kiss was born.

How's this for a happy ending?

Old Lotto Ticket Is A Big Winner

An Australian woman thought she might help her family by scraping together some cash from old lottery tickets. She had no idea one of the tickets was worth $10 million, solving a jackpot mystery that has confounded Australia for months.

Always like that kind of story.

And the week ends.

A Tribute To Scamp

2009-05-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

I am deeply saddened to report the passing one of our dog friends.

The Mountain View Park dog people and their pooches as we are called, will miss her.

Scamp was one of the most easy going dogs you have ever seen and nothing upset her. She seemed to just enjoy every moment.

We will miss Scamp but never forget her.

There is no stronger bond than that of man and his best friend.

To Gene Baxter we extend our deepest sympathies on your loss.

Slow Tuesday

2009-05-26T00:01:00.000-07:00

I hope others follow the example of a guy in China.

This has to be the funniest story I have seen in a long time.

Passer-By Pushes Suicidal Jumper

Chen Fuchao, a man heavily in debt, had been contemplating suicide on a bridge in southern China for hours when a passer-by came up, shook his hand — and pushed him off the ledge.

The passer-by, 66-year-old Lai Jiansheng, had been fed up with what he called Chen's "selfish activity." Traffic around the Haizhu bridge in the city of Guangzhou had been backed up for five hours and police had cordoned off the area.

Oh man, memories of Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon. Quick fix to selfish activity for sure.

Speaking of China

I saw an interesting ad for a Chinese restaurant the other day.

It read "authentic Chinese food New York Style."

I know a lot of cops that would like to receive a call to head to the doughnut shop, but I bet several wanted to roll code 3 on this one.

Nudity complaint near Maine topless doughnut shop

VASSALBORO, Maine -Prosecutors will review a complaint that a waitress from a Maine topless doughnut shop was outside the business without a shirt on.

The Central Maine Morning Sentinel says a state trooper was sent to the Grand View Topless Coffee shop on Saturday after someone called in a complaint.

Rumor has it another officer was there and called in the complaint so his fellow officers would join him.

Man, kids are getting smarter at a younger age nowadays.

Boy Takes Wheel After Dad Passes Out

NORTH PLATTE, Neb. - A 6-year-old boy grabbed the wheel of his family's pickup truck when his father passed out from low blood sugar, keeping the vehicle from crashing until an officer could bring it to a halt, police said

The kindergartner steered the truck several blocks, even turning around when he entered a neighborhood he didn't recognize, until he was spotted by police.

North Platte officer Roger Freeze ran up to the moving pickup, reached through an open window and rammed the gearshift into park.

It's a guy thing - boys pay a lot more attention to driving.

Toddler buys earthmover in online auction

New Zealand -A New Zealand mom made some online bids on toys before napping. Then her 3-year-old daughter took over and bought a bigger plaything than expected — a huge earth-moving digger for a cool $12,300.

Pipi Quinlan made the winning 20,000 New Zealand dollar ($12,300) bid on the Kobelco digger with a few mouse clicks at the auction site TradeMe while her parents slept, the Rodney Times newspaper reported in northern New Zealand.

I guess the women like the heavy equipment. I think the women like to move heaven and earth.

Ok so today is another 7 A.M. to midninght shift so there will be no post tomorrow.

Memorial Day Remembering

2009-05-25T00:01:00.000-07:00

Let's remember the real reason and not just the holiday sales and parties.

Thank you to those brave men and women who have served, especially those who have given the ultimate sacrifice, so that we may be free. Thank you to those soldiers that are serving to keep us free.

Friday's Spin Zone

2009-05-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Some sad news today.

Mickey Mouse has lost his voice.

Longtime voice of Mickey Mouse dies

Wayne Allwine provided voice for 30 years, with his wife voicing Minnie. He was 62.

I guess I can't go to Disneyland again.

I guess Yogurt is better for you than I thought.

Daniel Carasso, creator of Dannon Yogurt, dies at 103

103 is a great testimony about how good Yogurt must be for you.

Well if you don't know where you are going, unless you can remember how to read a map, you might not get there.

GPS Satellites Could Break Down by 2010

According to a U.S. government report, the nation's satellites used for GPS may be failing and could even begin to malfunction by 2010.

This could mean that even if you can afford a vacation you won't be able to go because you won't know how to get there.

Cash and carry!

I was in a store the other day and I'm not sure if their sign doesn't work or if the store is a victim of hard times.

Politicians

The reason congressmen try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

Olympic Organizers

Canadian prostitutes get training for the Games.

Athletes, coaches and organizers aren't the only people getting ready for next year's Winter Olympics in Vancouver, with training also underway for the city's prostitutes.

A Canadian agency is preparing brochure, training, and support services for sex workers.

OK, I want to know what type training they receive and who does the training. I mean is this like hands on training or or?

So is it like the Olympics where they compete and the judges hold up the score?

Can't you hear the commentators after the judges post their scores, "That was just a 5.7 performance or that was a near perfect 9.5." "Wow John did you see that performance? I have never seen anything like that. Whoa that was a definite 10."

I bet that is a sought after coaching job.

Church bulletin

Sunday the wife Vicki brought home this flyer from her church.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

In closing always remember this:

Marbles anyone?

Busting My Buttons

2009-05-21T00:01:00.000-07:00

So today I have a couple of questions for you.

The last time you received service from someone how was it?

If you received bad service, did you write a letter of complaint?

If the service was good or great, did you write a complimentary letter?

Most people will only write a letter to management complaining about the service.

Occasionally someone will take the time to write a letter praising the service they received when it was good.

I think a lot of us have forgotten how good it feels when we or our bosses get a letter praising our work.

The following letter is an example of a person taking the time to compliment someone.

For obvious reasons I have removed the letterhead, author's name and signature but the letter is real.

Harrah's Reno Sr, Management Guest Services
Harrah's Steak House Management 219 N. Center Street
Reno, NY 89501
May 12, 2009

To Whom It May Concern:

My wife and I were guests of Harrah's Hotel Casino May 10th, 2009, and I want to take time in acknowledging two of your outstanding employees who have left a tremendous impression on my wife and myself with their excellent customer service.

Mr. Tyler Wagner, Guest Services Representative at Harrah's registration counter was the first person we had met in wanting to find out if rooms were available for the night. It being Mother's Day, I had taken my wife on a nice Sunday drive for a chance to get away from our business, which we work an average of 14 hours a day.

I explained to Tyler while driving we find ourselves pointed into the direction of the mountains to the east from Stockton, Ca. As we started to see snow in the far distance we decided to travel a bit further. Before we knew it we found ourselves driving down Virginia St of Reno, Nevada. With the day almost over, and the ride back was further than we wanted to travel.

Tyler Wagner kind inquiry asked us, " When was the last time you were here in Harrah's Reno?" My response was over 25 years ago that I could remember when we also visited the Harrah's car collection.

Tyler Wagner then asked, "Well, we hope it doesn't take you that long to come back and visit us again next time." I asked him, "Well, how could you help me decide to want to come back?" Tyler responded after looking up my Harrah's Reward card said, "Well Mr ---------- I can offer you a nice room at no charge as our guest." Actually a very nice room on the 15th floor with a great view." Also just to let you know that we have the finest restaurant in the city here called the "Steak House,” just down stairs in this building, which has won many awards in Reno for their steaks."

I was speechless to be honest with you; with Tyler’s kind demeanor and professional customer service my wife and I felt special to be treated like this. We took him up on the room took our bag upstairs and did some gambling for several hours before we got hungry. That is when we decided to take Tyler's suggestion and walk down to the "Steak House" where we met John Thomas Dining Room Captain.

The professional atmosphere and the care to detail on how Mr. John Thomas wanted to take care of our comfort and service needs in wanting to provide us with a world class meal on Mother's Day for my wife was exceptional.

He took interest in us as to where we were from, to what brought us to the "Steak House". We told him Tyler Wagner; their Guest Services Rep referred us to the restaurant. John Thomas or “J. T." as he introduced himself to us was just as professional in his customer service skills as Tyler Wagner.

John Thomas mentioned to us if you ever come back give me a call and we'll make sure to make a reservation for you, and our team will be glad to take care of you.

None of these two gentlemen knew of my background and whom I do business with, and yet they treated my wife and I like we were the most important people in the building.

As a business owner myself of 4 Karate schools with over 1000 students, a Past Executive Vice President of the USA National Karate.do Federation, member of the USA Olympic Committee, and the current Sr. National Coordinator for Traditional Japanese Okinawan Karate for Disneyland Martial Arts Festivals in Anaheim, Ca., and for the Disney Martial Arts Festivals at the Walt Disney's World's Wide World of Sports Complex: in Orlando, Florida I can recognize good people.

I have worked with the management employees at Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas, NV with the US Junior Olympics and the US Open International Karate Championships in the past years held every Easter weekend. I have been privileged to meet some very' fine employees there also.

Through all of the interactions that I have with the many employees of my organization, Disney, and the members of the United States Olympic Committee Staff I have to take the time to acknowledge that Harrah's management can take great pride in the training, and the selection of these two particular employees.

They have both made me look at a possible opportunity of bringing a very large Martial Arts event to your facility in Reno if you have the accommodations in the way of a convention room large enough for 6-8 tatami mats which are 33'x33' and could provide seating for at least a 1000 spectators.

Hopefully I will have this opportunity to work with others in your organization that can help us make this event a possibility in 2010 or 2011.

Sincerely

------------- -------------

That is a nice letter don't you think? We all should send letters like that when we encounter great service.

Oh and by the way, for those readers who don't know me, the Tyler Wagner mentioned in the letter is my son.

I had to share.

The Stupids

2009-05-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

OK at what age do you kick them out of the house?

Actually I'm not sure if there is a correct answer as I know someone who is in their 50's and still living at home and not working to boot.

The following story is an example of a Dad who is double stupid.

First because his 28-year-old son lives rent free in the basement of the parents' home and second because he called 911 because the 28-year-old son, who's a school board member in the Cleveland suburb of Bedford, would not clean his room.

He also complained to 911 that his son also threw a plate of food across the kitchen table and made a fist at him when told to clean his room.

When the police arrived the 28-year-old son was crying and screaming like a little baby.

But rest easy, it appears the police did their job as the father declined to press charges and told police he doesn't want to ruin his son's political career.

Oh and the son, who also works as a political consultant, said he's lucky to be living in the house rent free. He also promises to keep his room clean.

Intelligence is breaking out all over!!!

Speaking of a tight knit family:

Ohio family feud leads to dueling candy stores.

Man if you live in Ohio and have a sweet tooth this could be a good thing.

GRANVILLE, Ohio -Brothers from an Ohio candy-making family are opening shops 100 feet apart in what the owner of a business in between calls "the Battle of the Bonbons."

The feud began last year when their mother put George Goumas — the eldest brother — in charge of Goumas Candyland.

In December, police were called and Socrates and Greg Goumas, the two brothers who had run the business for years, were ordered to leave one of the family's stores.

Socrates and Greg plan to open their own shop in Granville where George has also decided to open a store. Socrates calls it a copycat move, while George says their father always wanted a location in Granville, about 30 miles northeast of Columbus.

Socrates and Greg, obviously your mom always did like George better!!

Speaking of a sweet tooth and stupid people, did you see this one?

Sweet-talker uses fake coin for ice cream

LYKENS, Pa. - State Police are looking for a man they say sweet-talked a shop owner into accepting a fake $20 coin as payment for ice cream.

Police said the man told the proprietor of Willow Tree Ice Cream on Friday evening that the coin was something the government has just begun issuing.

OK I want to know why the police are looking for the man that bought the ice cream?
They should arrest the shop owner (not a young employee) for being so stupid he would believe that story.

Of course if being stupid was against the law, our jails and prisons all combined are too small to house that population.

Stupid is in these days, case in point:

Glass water bowl and sun start fire at Washington home

BELLEVUE, Wash. -Fire officials in Washington state said a sunny day and a dog's glass water bowl combined to cause a blaze that charred the back of a home.

Investigators determined the glass bowl of water focused sunlight enough to act like a magnifying glass and start the fire on the home's wood deck Sunday.

Damage is estimated at $215,000.

I bet they are so stupid after the repairs they will put a metal bowl full of water in the sun for the dog.

Hello, they deserved the fire, but how stupid they put water for their dog in the sun and they expect the dog won't burn his mouth if he drinks from it? Geezzzz...

Never cheat on your wife or even lead her to believe you did because she will never forget:

LYNNWOOD, Wash. -A 78-year-old woman arrested last month for allegedly beating her 84-year-old husband because she believed he cheated on her several times during their marriage was charged Thursday with assault.

Prosecutors said she hit him with a bowl, pipe and carpet sweeper. He suffered broken ribs, pelvis and a wrist.

One witness told police the woman admitted kicking her husband three times in the groin in the last six months because she believed he had an affair 35 years ago. The woman was jailed on $70,000 bail.

She kicked her husband three times in the groin in the last six months but at 84, possibly with dementia setting in, he may have thought that was just rough sex.

They walk among us.

Will Jack Be Back?

2009-05-19T00:01:00.000-07:00

Last night was the night it all ended one way or another.

By the time you read this post everything will have been answered.

Either Jack will die from his exposure to the pathogen, for which there is no known cure, or miraculously a cure will be found just in the nick of time for Jack to be cured and finally get to sleep after a jam packed 24 hours when he couldn't even work in a nap.

Prior to today, in the last 22 hours, only 378 people have died.

One can only hope that Olivia, the daughter of President Allison Taylor, and Kim, the daughter of Jack, are added to the number of people that die this season.

Oh yeah, let's hope Janis Gold dies with them as she is obnoxious. Besides Chloe O'Brian can handle the job just fine thank you very much and, if not, she can call on her husband Morris O'Brian for assistance.

I hope that stupid President Taylor has to resign for being so stupid allowing her daughter access to secret documents as well.

I wish I could have Chloe or Morris take a look at my computer to make it run a little faster.

There are a lot of loose ends to tie up in a very little time, so I suspect Jack will be very busy.

The bad thing about the season ending is T.V. will be boring.

The good news is we don't have to endure their stupid green energy commercials they run.

I like this one better:

If 24 comes back next season and Jack is alive, he will probably be in charge of the construction of a new bunker to house the Vice President in case of an emergency thanks to Joe Biden.

Biden gave an interview to Newsweek and he talks about the secret bunker. He said, a young naval officer gave him a tour of the residence and showed him the hideaway which is behind a massive steel door secured by an elaborate lock with a narrow connecting hallway lined with shelves filled with communications equipment.

The bunker, to be used in times of a national emergency, was secretly built into the official Vice President's residence at the Naval Observatory in Washington.

There might not be a reason to worry though. I'm sure the bad guys are not smart enough to read Newsweek.

Off Again

2009-05-15T00:01:00.000-07:00

Well the best laid plans got changed. I received a call yesterday and had to work the 4p.m. to midnight shift so I didn't have time to write a post for today.

It's good though because I must be doing something right or I wouldn't get the call.

Oh, while I am at it I will be working the same shift Saturday and Sunday so there will not be a post Monday either.

Have a great weekend.

A Little Bit Of That

2009-05-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

From my fair and balanced reporting:

OK I knew I had a lot of readers out there but never realized just how many.

You may remember my post May 6th about American Idol finalist Danny Gokey shilling for LensCrafters.

Well someone at LensCrafters must have read my blog and issued a press release.

LensCrafters says it isn't giving Danny Gokey free eyewear.

Don't look at us, LensCrafters is saying. A rep said that Gokey is not on its payroll and that he is in no way affiliated with the company.

Its current ad campaign made its debut April 19, and marketers at the company noticed a few days later that Gokey was flashing its central symbol. LensCrafters has never given him free glasses either.

I don't know if you noticed last week Gokey didn't flash heart-from-fingers gesture.

Maybe Idol bosses told him to stop.

This week when he flashed the heart sign he promptly got a warning from Ryan Seacrest.

It also seems a little odd that Lenscrafters felt the need to release a statement denying any association.

I'm just saying.

In any case I underestimated the power of my blog.

Do you know?

What famous North American landmark is constantly
moving backward?

Niagara Falls (The rim is worn down about two and a half feet each year because of the millions of gallons of water that rush over it every minute.)

When it's not frozen that is.

What are the fourteen punctuation marks in English grammar?

I can name them, I just don't know where to put them.

They are, period, comma, colon, semicolon, dash, hyphen, apostrophe, question mark, exclamation point, quotation marks, brackets, parenthesis, braces, and ellipses.

Bet you had trouble naming more than seven.

Name the only vegetable or fruit that is never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form except fresh.

The only vegetable or fruit never sold frozen, canned, processed, cooked, or in any other form but fresh is Lettuce.

I suspect this has to do with the rabbits' union making sure lettuce is fresh.

How many of you have seen the flyers taped to a post when someone has lost a dog or a cat?

I'm walking down the street the other day and I saw the following flyer:

I know many of you are saying I sure hope they find that cat.

Did your brain play tricks on you making you feel bad the cat was lost?

Take another look at the flyer and notice it does not say anything about the cat being lost.

It appears that someone just thinks their cat is awesome and just wondered if you had seen it.

Speaking of flyers:

The wife, Vicki, brought home a flyer from church advertising a fundraiser.

I'm not quite sure how to take it. What is your opinion?

It read:

Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

I'm hiding that day.

Today seams like a perfect time for a great quote from one of the best Non-Steroid-Era baseball players of all time.

"It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course."
~~ Hank Aaron

Todays Sports Role Models

2009-05-12T00:01:00.000-07:00

Interesting times around the sports world.

Manny Ramirez got busted for illegal drugs and blamed his doctor.

Ramirez tested positive for HCG, a women's fertility drug often used to mask steroid use.

Manny didn't take the blame, rather he blames the doctor but as of yet he hasn't filed suit. Hmmmmmm

So-called fans just don't get it:

Let's hope for Manny's sake he doesn't get pregnant using HCG, the women's fertility drug.

Golden boy Alex Rodriguez admitted taking steroids which now may go back to his high school days or we may find out it started in Little League.

He returned to the Yankees and was welcomed back with open arms.

Jacqueline Standley, the mother of pitcher Joba Chamberlain, is arrested on suspicion of selling methamphetamine to an undercover policeman.

My comment on the Joba story is "Don't judge folks by their relatives."

This weekend Jeremy Mayfield became the first Sprint Cup Series driver suspended indefinitely under the tougher random drug testing policy instituted this year.

Two other crew members from other teams also tested positive, bringing the total to five suspensions in the first four months of the season.

The irony of the Mayfield suspension is, Mayfield fired one of his crew members, Paul Chodora, in February when Chodora became the first person suspended under the new testing policy.

Maybe he figured NASCAR would not test him for a while since he fired one of his crew members for failing the drug test.

There have been reports it was an allergy drug, possibly Claritin-D -- which is a NASCAR team sponsor for another team.

And Mayfield, who hasn't spoken with reporters yet, alluded to that in a statement he issued Saturday.

"In my case, I believe that the combination of a prescribed medicine and an over-the-counter medicine reacted together and resulted in a positive drug test," Mayfield said.

Oh Oh another one blaming the doctor - a prescribed medicine and an over-the-counter medicine reacted together.

Actually,while it isn't illegal, Claritin-D is on the list of banned substances.

Hmmmmm wonder if he missed that part in the handout?

Oh and what are some NASCAR fans saying, Claritin-D?

"Are you kidding me? I guess I am too "old school" or maybe just too old. What the hell is wrong with taking Clariton-D?"

Richard Gasquet to Dispute Positive Test For Cocaine

French tennis player Richard Gasquet has acknowledged he's been told he tested positive for cocaine but says he's innocent.

"I am gathering together proof of my innocence and I will choose an appropriate moment to express myself," Gasquet said in a statement Sunday.

Yeah, failed the "A" test and the "B" test for Cocaine.

I bet it entered his blood stream from cash he was given in exchange for the orange juice he bought the morning of the test.

PGA Commissioner Tim Finchem suspended Daly for the first six months of the 2009 season.

October 26th, 2008 - John Daly Goes to Hooters, Gets So Drunk Cops Take Him to Jail to Sober Up

Police officers were called at 2:17 a.m. to the Hooters at 120 Hanes Square Circle on a medical call. When officers arrived, Daly, who had earlier lost consciousness, was being treated by EMS.

Daly "appeared extremely intoxicated and uncooperative," police stated in a news release. Daly repeatedly refused to be escorted to the hospital and was eventually asked to leave the restaurant by workers there.

Reggie Williams Pleads Guilty to Cocaine Possession Charge

Back in April, former Jacksonville wide receiver Reggie Williams was tasered and arrested in Houston, then charged with felony drug possession after police found cocaine in his pocket.

He has had multiple run-ins with the law, though -- including a possession of marijuana charge that was dismissed earlier in 2009.

Williams is just 25 years of age, and has 189 catches for 2,322 yards in his five-season NFL career. They say his constant legal troubles may be more than a team wants to deal with.

Yeah right, as soon as the NFL slightly penalizes him just watch some NFL team pick him up.

I guess it's just me but I happen to think we put athletes on a pedestal making them above rules and laws all under the guise of entertainment.

I think their parents forgot to tell them one simple rule in life - Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll enjoy it a second time.

Tonight is another night shift so there will be no new post tomorrow.

Another Monday

2009-05-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

Sunday was Mother's Day and though my mother is only with me in my memories, the following article made me smile and think of both my mom and dad.

The way it once was and the way it should be now, but alas as with all good things they must end. Or so I'm told.

Here is a story about what a family did for their mom on her birthday that I think is neat.

Family marks mom's 85th birthday with daffodils

CANDOR, N.Y. -They said it with flowers. Joy Zamoiski's children wanted to do something special for her 85th birthday, so they planted thousands of daffodil bulbs last year.
The flowers bloomed in time for her birthday last month. The yellow and white daffodils were planted so that when they came up, they would spell out Zamoiski's first name.

Good they didn't try to spell the last name.

Today's post is short for I worked last night and didn't want to spend my day hours working on my post.

Udder Fantasy On Friday

2009-05-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

A couple of days ago a childhood friend and I were sitting around reminiscing about the good old days.

The good old days where we are from had farms with lots of cows.

As our conversation turned to the cows he was reminding me of something I had forgotten.

I know a lot of my readers are city folk so I thought what the heck I would share a little farm information we were discussing with you.

I'm sure most of you think your milk comes from Albertsons, Smiths, Winn Dixie, Von's or your favorite Grocery store.

Well that is sort of true. Actually it originates from an animal called a cow and is delivered to the store in a container.

Legend has it milk was discovered by a cowboy that was on a long lonely cattle drive.

As the story goes, and remember this has been passed down from generation to generation, the cowboy had been out on the long, really lonely cattle drive for several months.

One night as the cowboy was walking through the herd of cattle, a slight breeze was blowing making a musical sound, the skies were clear, the stars were all aglow, the campfire was crackling and the moon was full. He was scanning the herd looking for her.

As he looked over the herd, she was there standing on a little knoll, looking all around until all of a sudden the world stopped as their eyes met.

On the drive he had noticed her many times before but had never had the nerve to speak to her. But tonight under a full moon, as the stars were twinkling, he made his way to her side.

At first he made small talk to her about the cattle drive and how he had been noticing her, then as she let her guard down he put his arm around her and started sweet talking to her.

The night air with the full moon, the twinkling stars, and the wind making music, the cowboy thought the time was right.

He had seen a lot of cows in his time but none with the size udder this cow had.

He began to make his move, he slowly, tactfully started caressing her all the while gently moving his hand towards the intended target.

As he was softly caressing her, she began to moo longer and louder letting him know she was enjoying all of the attention.

Finally he could stand it no longer. He made his move and reached down and grabbed one of the teats on her udder.

That is where it all started. Much to the cowboy's amazement when he grasped the teat of the cow's udder, out shot a stream of milk.

As the story continues, since milk had not been invented yet, the cowboy was so startled at what had happened, he ran as fast as he could to where his horse was tethered, threw on its saddle and on that starry starry night under a full moon rode off like the wind never to herd cattle again.

It is told that the cowboy rode day and night away from the herd until his horse could go no further without food and water.

The cowboy was forced to stop for the night in a little dirty dusty border town to tend to his only mode of transportation.

While the horse was at the stable resting, eating and getting its fill of water, the cowboy was at the saloon getting his fill of whisky.

It was then that the drunken cowboy confessed to the barkeep what had occurred on the range and thus the legend began.

The story has a happy ending for the cowboy. As legend has it, he became a sheep herder and lived happily ever after.

Now that you know the background of how it was discovered, let's get back to my story about milk.

Take a close look at the bag on the lower back side of the cow in the picture.

That is the udder which houses 4 teats.

In the beginning no one was quite sure why there were 4 teats. All they knew was each teat had a different product.

Then one day an entrepreneur came up with names for the different tastes and, as they say, the rest is history.

One teat produces milk, one produces buttermilk, one produces cream and the last one produces half and half.

This worked very well for several years until California became a state in 1850.

The people that settled in California had completely different ideas than the rest of the United States and soon were demanding their milk to be different than what normal people enjoyed.

After receiving a government grant, the cow owners commissioned a study to figure out how to pacify the people in California.

The study determined the mature cows that were a little more full bodied produced the milk, buttermilk, cream, and half and half as everyone knew it.

They also learned that low fat, non fat, two percent and skim could be obtained the same way from the udders if it was from younger skinny cows.

Now you understand why sprouts and green vegetables are the 'in' thing to eat in California as it all started to keep the cows skinny.

The Californians soon learned that the udders on the skinny cows seemed to be smaller than on the full bodied cows and soon they were studying ways to have the local veterinarians use silicone to enlarge the cows udders.

And now you know how it all began.

That's the story my friend and I were discussing about the old days which goes to show you that older people need to share their knowledge with others, or as in this case you would think milk came from your local store.

I Follow Instructions

2009-05-07T00:01:00.000-07:00

Is stupidity inherited or is it taught?

I wanted some dessert the other night so off to the store and I picked up a box of Tesco's Tiramisu dessert.

When I got it home I ended up throwing it away because I turned it over and printed on bottom of the box it said "Do not turn upside down."

I guess that ruins it so I didn't take any chances.

While at the store I noticed Frito Lay was having a give-away so I checked out their promotional offer.

On the bags of Fritos it said, "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside."

As the store manager was escorting me from the store for ripping open all the bags of Fritos, it was obvious I was not going to be a winner.

While I was at the store I picked up some grapes. Once home I read the label on them and felt I was safe with their instructions.

It said, "Please store in the cold section of the refrigerator."

Lucky enough, just last week, I moved a thermometer all around my refrigerator to make sure I didn't have any hot sections in there.

I was feeling kind of hungry so I got out a Swann frozen dinner from the freezer.

I was not sure how I should serve it so I read the instructions which said " Serving suggestion: Defrost."

Yeah, defrosted sounded kind of good to me too.

I thought a bottle of my favorite flavored milk drink would go well with dinner.

After reading the instructions, "After opening, keep upright" and alas having no straws in the house, I decided I couldn't have milk.

I needed something to drink so I grabbed my favorite soft drink and read the instructions which said "Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth."

At last something I could drink.

For dessert I was debating between Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding or Pop-Tarts.

The instructions on them were very similar, the bread pudding said, "Product will be hot after heating," and the Pop Tarts said "Warning: Pastry Filling May Be Hot When Heated."

Just to be safe I opted to eat a cold Pop-Tart.

I happen to be big on dessert so I figured I should have a Fruit Roll-up after the Pop Tart.

I was pretty anxious so I bit into it before reading the instructions.

It was a little chewy and in hindsight I think if I had read the instructions, "Peel fruit from cellophane before eating," it may have been easier to eat.

Well, The Fruit roll-up wasn't enough to fill the void so I figured what the heck I might as well have some peanuts.

I have to say, it was a very large bag of peanuts and even though I only wanted a small handful, based on the instructions on the package, " Open packet and eat contents," I ended up eating the entire contents of that 1 pound bag of peanuts.

After eating all that food I figured I had better throw a couple of breath savers in my mouth.

As I was opening them I noticed their statement on the pack which read "Not for weight control."

I was really happy to read that because I was worried about my breath not my weight, as you can tell from all the food I had eaten.

After dinner I thought a game of Yahtzee would be a nice way to spend the evening.

I had picked up a new set of dice for the game and just to be safe before opening I read their label.

Their label read "Not for human consumption." At this point I was so full I was relieved to read that.

All good things come to an end as it was time to go to bed.

I really was able to get a good night's sleep that night.

I was able to sleep soundly with the knowledge I did not have to worry about the police busting in and arresting me for removing the tag from my pillow.

I follow instructions and the tag is still there.

Sad And Bad

2009-05-06T00:01:00.000-07:00

Lately the obituaries have had a lot of famous names leaving us.

One of my favorites was Dom DeLuise.

I liked him not only for his silly humor, but also for the fact he liked to and knew how to cook.

I relate to him because I felt that rather than being a chef, he was just a guy who liked to cook.

Of course, he really knew how to cook.

He had a great quote about food:

I think I was immediately fed, so food became a very important part of my life.
Dom DeLuise
Thanks for the memories.

OK moving on, let's talk about the television show American Idol.

I don't know how many of my readers watch American Idol but based on the numbers they claim for viewers and the number of readers I claim to have, there must be quite a few of you.

Let's see how closely you have been paying attention to the contestants.

This, my friends, could be bigger than the payola scandal that hit the broadcasting industry in the early 1960s. Many of you may remember Albert James "Alan" Freed, also known as Moondog, who's career was destroyed by the payola scandal that hit the broadcasting industry in the early 1960s.

As popular as American Idol is, you have to believe there are companies out there that are more than willing to have a performer hawk their products in a way that the Idol production company is unaware of.

Have you noticed Danny Gokey wears a different pair of flashy glasses every week?

Think about this - Danny Gokey is a Wisconsin church music minister.

Maybe I am wrong, but I would assume that job doesn't pay enough to spend your hard earned cash on that many pair of glasses.

For those of you that have glasses, look around and check out how many pair of your current prescription glasses you have at one time.

American Idol is not furnishing the glasses because they would require a sponsor for product placements.

The contestants are under an exclusive contract to Idol so they are not allowed to accept money and endorse any products not contracted through Idol.

I know right about now you are thinking that just happens to be his metro sexual side and he has a fetish for glasses.

Well that could be the case but I wonder how many of you have also noticed the heart shape he makes with his hands after every performance.

Most believe that heart shape with his hands is merely a shout-out to his wife, who died at age 27 less than a year ago.

I ask you, are those two things just a coincidence or a carefully orchestrated subliminal advertisement that he is being paid to do?

OK right about now all of you Danny Gokey and Idol fans are screaming at my blog asking how could I suggest such a thing.

Well fans, it is easy.

I would like you to become the fifth American Idol judge. Click here, take a look at the Lenscrafters commercial, and let me know if you think his actions are coincidence or contrived.

Monday Sleaze

2009-05-04T00:01:00.000-07:00

OK, last year there was a calendar of the Mormon missionaries for all the ladies out there.

This year there is one for the guys, and I understand that based on pre-orders, they have had to quadruple their production.

Sexy Mormon Moms

When it comes to sexy religions, Mormons have been eating the dust of Catholic schoolgirls for too long.

Now, hot Mormon moms are posing in sexy shots for a calendar to be released in June.

Chad Hardy, founder of Mormons Exposed, is the calendar's publisher. "It's very sexy, but at the same time it's so cute," Hardy said of the 2010 calendar which features the Mormon MILFs alongside muffin recipes.

Those are some nice muffins. The Mormons really known how to get busy in a kitchen.

I think the guys are buying it for the recipes.

A friend of mine attended a wedding the other day and told me he had never seen anything like it.

He said the maid of honor was doing all she could to convince the bride not to marry the groom.

It seems the maid of honor and the bride were very very close.

Thanks to television and school teachers, what an early age kids are getting sex education these days.

Wow, when I was that age all I thought about riding was my bicycle.

So I'm driving down the highway the other day and I spotted a billboard that is a real example of truth in advertising:

I went past that sign 30 or 40 times last week just to see what they are going to advertise there.

Yeah, yeah, I know today's post is a little sleazy but it's all about showing a smile:

Now show us your smile.

Update for the blog today is another one of those til midnight work days so there will be no post tomorrow.

Friday's Spin Zone

2009-05-01T00:01:00.000-07:00

Woo Hoo it's Friday, May 1st, time to braid the May pole and get ready to start the weekend.

Get out the backyard barbecue and cook up something good this weekend.

Make sure you get your meat at the store.

Stay away from pork so you don't get the Pig flu.

Also heed the CDC Warning:

Activities that will give you Swine Flu

CDC Warning: ***DO NOT DO THIS!!!***

So far no one seems to know how bad this Pig flu is going to be so just in case I get it and don't make it:

I would like to thank my wife Vicki for putting up with me all these years.

Thanks to my two sons, Stacey and Tyler for being such great kids.

Thank you to my dogs, Zoe' and Chloe for giving me so much enjoyment.

Thank you to my editor Pat for correcting my mistakes on this blog, making and sharing cookies, cake, other goodies and bread.

Thank you to Dr. Galvin for fixing my back.

Thank you to my friend if I have one.

Thank you to my enemies for allowing me to complain about them.

Thanks to the California cows for making great cheese.

Thank you to whoever invented Ketchup.

Thank you to the guy that sold my dad my first bicycle.

Thank you to Al Gore for inventing the Internet.

Thanks to Tom Edison for inventing the light bulb so I can see at night.

Thank you to Gateway for making my computer so I can write a blog.

Thank you to United Kingdom Worcester, Worcestershire for making Worcestershire sauce.

Thank you to the lady that let me merge in front of her onto the freeway yesterday.

Thank you to that lazy boy that invented the recliner.

Thank you to the farm boy from Utah, Philo Taylor Farnsworth for inventing the television so I can watch 24, American Idol and Friday Night Lights.

Thank you to Adam Lambert for making American Idol entertaining this season.

Thank you to whoever invented TIVO so I can film those shows on the nights I am working.

I'm sure I missed someone so thank you to whoever I forgot to mention.

By the way you may want to take precautions just in case you happen to get the Hog flu.

Teacher's Pet

2009-04-30T00:01:00.000-07:00

OK that's it, I have decided to sue my school.

When I attended school it was a kindergarten through 12 campus, so there was plenty of opportunity for me to get a complete education during that time.

I'm not sure if the statute of limitations has run out, but I feel I lost out on a first-class education like many kids are getting today.

This is what I am basing my lawsuit on:

A former Tacoma, Wash., elementary school teacher was found guilty Monday of having sex with a 10-year-old student and his 15-year-old brother.

Nebraska middle school math teacher Kelsey Peterson was sentenced Thursday to eight to 10 years in prison for first-degree sexual assault of a minor. Peterson fled to Mexico with a 13-year-old student in October 2007. She will serve the time simultaneously with a six-year federal prison sentence.

A Massachusetts teacher was charged Feb. 24 with kidnapping a 15-year-old student and taking him to a West Virginia motel where the two were found together.

South Carolina elementary school teacher Wendie Schweikert, 37, pleaded guilty to having sex with an 11-year-old student.

Florida middle school teacher Debra Lafave was sentenced to house arrest and probation in 2005 after pleading guilty to charges that she had sex with a 14-year-old student.

Mary Kay Letourneau served a seven-year sentence in California for having sex with student Vili Fualaau when he was 12.

Tennessee gym teacher Pamela Rogers received an eight-year sentence for having sex with a 13-year-old student.

California teacher Rebecca Boicelli was sentenced to two years in prison after DNA tests proved her 16-year-old student was the father of her child.

None of my teachers offered me that type of education.

OK change of plans. While preparing my case to take to the attorney, I gathered up all of my class pictures to submit as evidence.

Even though the pictures are black and white, since I don't think color film had been invented yet, upon close inspection of my female teachers in the pictures I have a change of heart.

I have decided that there was one girl Rita, that was in the class ahead of me, who in the hay field behind the school during recess and lunch might have given me a better education.

The Spoken Word

2009-04-28T00:01:00.000-07:00

It is said, but is it true?

When everyone on earth was dead and waiting to enter paradise , God appeared and said, "I want married men to make two lines.

One line for men who were true heads of their household, and another line for men who were dominated by their wives.

The line of men who were dominated by their wives was 1,000 miles long and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.

God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. You have not followed my directions in the Scriptures. You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your responsibility. Of all of you, only one obeyed! Learn from this man."

God then turned to the one man and asked, "You are the only one in this line. How did you manage that?"

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."

And so it is said!!

But this is nothing new, for according to Matthew 14:92: it is written:

"And Mary rode Joseph's ass all the way to Egypt ..."

OK moving on, today's post is going to be shorter as I am kinda tired.

I worked the long shift 7 A.M. to midnight Friday and the 4P.M. to midnight on Sunday plus I tried to spend as much free time with son Tyler who was in town for an all-too-short visit.

We worked in the viewing of two movies while he was here, which is always good.

One of the two movies we watched was "The Wrestler" starring Mickey Rourke.

In case you have not seen this movie you should put it on your to-do list because it is a great movie.

In fact, even though there are those that don't think professional wrestling is a sport, I do, and would rate this movie as one of the top sports movies made.

Oh by the way, I know how much you all look forward to reading this blog everyday but I am afraid there will be no post tomorrow as once again I am working the 7 A.m. to midnight shift.

I know, I know, you are disappointed and are swearing at me right now but:

Show Me Your Greenbacks Suckers

2009-04-27T00:01:00.000-07:00

"We'll restore science to its rightful place."

SYDNEY: New analysis has indicated that contrary to the belief that there is large-scale melting of ice over most of Antarctica, ice is actually expanding in a large portion of the continent.

Antarctica has 90 percent of the Earth's ice and 80 percent of its fresh water. Extensive melting of Antarctic ice sheets would be required to raise sea levels substantially, and ice is melting in parts of west Antarctica.

The destabilization of the Wilkins ice shelf generated international headlines this month.

However, according to a report in the Australian, the picture is very different in east Antarctica, which includes the territory claimed by Australia.

East Antarctica is four times the size of west Antarctica and parts of it are cooling. The Scientific Committee on Antarctic Research report noted that the South Pole had shown "significant cooling in recent decades."

According to Australian Antarctic Division glaciology program head Ian Allison, sea ice losses in west Antarctica over the past 30 years had been more than offset by increases in the Ross Sea region, just one sector of east Antarctica.

"Sea ice conditions have remained stable in Antarctica generally," Dr Allison said.

The melting of sea ice - fast ice and pack ice - does not cause sea levels to rise because the ice is in the water.

Sea levels may rise with losses from freshwater ice sheets on the polar caps.

In Antarctica, these losses are in the form of icebergs calved from ice shelves formed by glacial movements on the mainland.

Dr Allison said there was not any evidence of significant change in the mass of ice shelves in east Antarctica nor any indication that its ice cap was melting.

"The only significant calvings in Antarctica have been in the west," he said.

Ice core drilling in the fast ice off Australia's Davis Station in East Antarctica by the Antarctic Climate and Ecosystems Co-Operative Research Centre shows that last year, the ice had a maximum thickness of 1.89m, its densest in 10 years.

The average thickness of the ice at Davis since the 1950s is 1.67m.

A paper to be published soon by the British Antarctic Survey in the journal Geophysical Research Letters is expected to confirm that over the past 30 years, the area of sea ice around the continent has expanded.

Sun dimmest it's been in 100 years

From the BBC: Quiet sun baffling astronomers. The sun is at its dimmest it has been for nearly a century. There are no sun spots, very few solar flares and our nearest star is the quietest it's been for a very long time.

The sun normally undergoes an 11 year cycle of activity. At its peak it has been tumultuous boiling atmosphere that spits out flares and planet size chunks of super hot gas. This is followed by a calmer period. Last year it was expected that it would have been hotting up after a quiet spell but instead it hit a 50 year low in solar wind pressure, a 55 year low in radio emissions and a 100 year low in sun spot activity.

In the mid 17th century a quiet spell lasted 70 years and led to a mini ice age. Evidence from tree trunks and ice cores suggest that the sun is calming down after an unusually high point in its activity.

Gore's Phony Hysteria.

I hope someone forwards the link for my blog to Al Gore. I tried to get him on the phone but I was told he was busy writing his next book of fiction about global warming, which I think since most of his stuff has been rebuffed, now has to be classified as fiction.

Is Al Gore a scientist or a journalist? Scientists are so darn smart, they know exactly when the climate problem is global warming and also when it's climate change. Journalists know how to sell books.

Now Gore's fantasies have become the new American fad.

Money, money - that is what all the green carbon footprint foolishness is going to cost each and everyone of us.

Friday Nonsense

2009-04-24T00:01:00.000-07:00

What does the oldest profession do when things get bad?

Economic Crisis Hits German Sex Industry

BERLIN - It did not take long for the world financial crisis to affect the world's oldest profession in Germany.

In one of the few countries where prostitution is legal, and unusually transparent, the industry has responded with an economic stimulus package of its own: modern marketing tools, rebates and gimmicks to boost falling demand.

Some brothels have cut prices or added free promotions while others have introduced all-inclusive flat-rate fees. Free shuttle buses, discounts for seniors and taxi drivers, as well as "day passes" are among marketing strategies designed to keep business going.

One Club has attracted media attention with its headline-grabbing "flat rate" -- a 70-euro admission charge for unlimited food, drink and sex between 10 a.m. and 4 p.m.

"Our offer might sound like it's too good to be true, but it's real. You can eat as much as you want, drink as much as you want and have as much sex as you want."

Guys are really trying to driving a hard bargain.

Not speaking from experience, but only from what I have read on the Internet, men are not complicated - give them sex, booze and food. Then the only thing missing from that fun package is a T.V. remote.

Other businesses are taking a different approach:

Something for everyone for sure.

Marketing 101

How to sell in hard times:

Check out Corona's new road pack beer bottle:

I'm sure you have heard about all the drugs coming into the U.S. from Mexico which has prompted the beer makers to compete against illegal drugs.

The drug dealers strike back.

OK now to a serious note. To all my new readers that have commented, signed the guest book, or have just read my blog, I would like to thank you for stopping by.

If you enjoy my warped ramblings please share my blog link with your friends as I am trying to reach at least 50,000 readers and I am still a few short of that mark.

Rest assured I notice when readers notice.

An Old And A Young Straight Shooter

2009-04-23T00:01:00.000-07:00

With the economy issues of late, there are a lot of stories that get buried in the news.

I wonder how many of you caught the following?

Retired Green Beret shoots intruder, gets court martial

BREVARD, Jan. 19, 2008 – Retired Army Green Beret Smokey Taylor got his court martial this weekend and came away feeling good about it.

Taylor, at age 80 the oldest member of Chapter XXXIII of the Special Forces Association, was on trial by his peers under the charge of "failing to use a weapon of sufficient caliber" in the shooting of an intruder at his home in Knoxville, TN, in December.

The entire affair, of course, was very much tongue in cheek. Taylor had been awakened in the early morning hours of Dec. 17, 2007, when an intruder broke into his home. He investigated the noises with one of his many weapons in hand.

When the intruder threatened him with a knife, Taylor warned him, then brought his .22 caliber pistol to bear and shot him right between the eyes.

"That boy had the hardest head I've ever seen," Taylor said after his trial. "The bullet bounced right off."

The impact knocked the would-be thief down momentarily. He crawled out of the room then got up and ran out the door and down the street. Knoxville police apprehended him a few blocks away and he now awaits trial in the Knox County jail.

The charges against Taylor were considered to be serious. He is a retired Special Forces Weapons Sergeant with extensive combat experience during the wars in Korea and Vietnam.
"Charges were brought against him under the premise that he should have saved the county and taxpayers the expense of a trial," said Chapter XXXIII President Bill Long of Asheville. "He could have used a .45 or .38. The .22 just wasn't big enough to get the job done."

Taylor's defense attorney, another retired Weapons Sergeant, disagreed. He said Taylor had done the right thing in choosing to arm himself with a .22.

"If he'd used a .45 or something like that the round would have gone right through the perp , the wall, the neighbor's wall and possibly injured some innocent child asleep in its bed," he said. "I believe the evidence shows that Smokey Taylor exercised excellent judgment in his choice of weapons. He did nothing wrong, and clearly remains to this day an excellent weapons man."

Counsel for the defense then floated a theory as to why the bullet bounced off the perp's forehead.

"He was victimized by old ammunition," he said, "just as he was in Korea and again in Vietnam, when his units were issued ammo left over from World War II."

Taylor said nothing in his own defense, choosing instead to allow his peers to debate the matter. After the trial he said the ammunition was indeed old and added the new information that the perp had soiled his pants as he crawled out of the house.

"I would have had an even worse mess to clean up if it had gone through his forehead," Taylor said. "It was good for both of us that it didn't."

Following testimony from both sides, Taylor was acquitted of the charges and was given a round of applause.

Meanwhile, back in Knox County, the word is out: Don't go messing with Smokey Taylor. He just bought a whole bunch of fresh ammo.

A Green Beret should know you always keep your powder dry and you have fresh ammo.

He won't play for the Cubs:

Patrick Schuster Sets Florida High School Record With 4 Straight No-Hitters

No-hitters are similar to holes-in-one: they don't come around very often. Unless you're Patrick Schuster of Mitchell High School in New Port Richey, Fla., that is. See, Schuster has four no-hitters. In a row.

Stunningly, the all-time national record for most no-hitters in a row is six (!), but Schuster, who has been recognized by Baseball America as a mid-level prospect for "early draft speculation," now holds the record in the state of Florida

OK, now the question is how much are the Yankees going to spend to get him?

The Day The Wind Stopped In Las Vegas

2009-04-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

Finally spring arrived and one day later summer is upon us.

I thought it would be a good time to take you on a stroll around Vicki's park and check out a little of the scenery as it is coming into bloom.

I have enlisted a guide to take us on our journey.

Ahh I have to wonder what the park would look like if we had just had two days of spring.

Maybe next time we will take the Jungle Cruise.

It's All About The Females

2009-04-20T00:01:00.000-07:00

I don't know how many of you have seen the Budweiser commercial where the Clydesdale horse falls in love with the circus horse and chases it to the next town and they run off together.

Well, evidently other horses saw that commercial and now they are gussying themselves up trying to score a Clydesdale for themselves.

It's amazing the lengths they will go to. Check out what a visit to the hairdresser will do:

The Clydesdale mares better watch out, these girls are trying to steal their stud muffins.

Speaking of females and hair:

Have you ever noticed no matter the situation the first thing a woman is worried about is her hair?

Here is proof that there is a right time and a wrong time to come out of the closet:

I think those smiles are going to disappear real soon.

Speaking of smiles, there appears to be a lot of happy Harry Potter fans out there:

Hmmmmmmm, I wonder if they know Costco sells batteries in bulk.

I have always heard about southern hospitality but this takes the cake.

Woman Survives Gunshot to Forehead

A Mississippi woman who was shot in the head not only survived but made herself tea and offered an astonished deputy something to drink, authorities said Friday.

A deputy was greeted by the woman when he arrived minutes after she was shot with the slug from a .380-caliber handgun.

She had made herself some tea and offered the officer something to drink.

Since it was in the south she probably offered the deputy some of that nasty sweet ice tea.

That's it for today, there will be no new post tomorrow because of that dreaded late shift.

Around the United States In 180 Seconds

2009-04-17T00:01:00.000-07:00

The majority of people believe in Him.

Now the ACLU, the out-of-control federal courts and those who have coined the phrase "Political Correctness" are trying to eliminate Him.

The United States Of America

The nation was founded by thirteen colonies of Great Britain located along the Atlantic seaboard. On July 4, 1776, they issued the Declaration of Independence, which proclaimed their independence from Great Britain and their formation of a cooperative union. The Philadelphia Convention adopted the current United States Constitution on September 17, 1787; its ratification the following year made the states part of a single republic with a strong central government. The Bill of Rights, comprising ten constitutional amendments guaranteeing many fundamental civil rights and freedoms, was ratified in 1791.

As you all know, we have grown from 13 to 50 states. From our first colonies in 1776 to our last state, Hawaii, in 1959, there is a common denominator entwined in each states constitution.

Do you know the Preamble for your state?

Alabama 1901, Preamble. We the people of the State of Alabama, invoking the favor and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish the following Constitution.

Alaska 1956, Preamble. We, the people of Alaska, grateful to God and to those who founded our nation and pioneered this great land.

Arizona 1911, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arizona, grateful to Almighty God for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution.

Arkansas 1874, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Arkansas, grateful to Almighty God for the privilege of choosing our own form of government.

California 1879, Preamble. We, the People of the State of California, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom.

Colorado 1876, Preamble. We, the people of Colorado, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of Universe.

Connecticut 1818, Preamble. The People of Connecticut, acknowledging with gratitude the good Providence of God in permitting them to enjoy.

Delaware 1897, Preamble. Through Divine Goodness all men have, by nature, the rights of worshipping and serving their Creator according to the dictates of their consciences.

Florida 1845, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Florida, grateful to Almighty God for our constitutional liberty, establish this Constitution.

Georgia 1777, Preamble. We, the people of Georgia, relying upon protection and guidance of Almighty God, do ordain and establish this Constitution.

Hawaii 1959, Preamble. We, the people of Hawaii, Grateful for Divine Guidance, establish this Constitution

Idaho 1889, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Idaho, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings.

Illinois 1870, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Illinois, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

Indiana 1851, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Indiana, grateful to Almighty God for the free exercise of the right to chose our form of government.

Iowa 1857, Preamble. We, the People of the State of Iowa, grateful to the Supreme Being for the blessings hitherto enjoyed, and feeling our dependence on Him for a continuation of these blessings, establish this Constitution.

Kansas 1859, Preamble. We, the people of Kansas, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious privileges, establish this Constitution.

Kentucky 1891, Preamble. We, the people of the Commonwealth of grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties.

Louisiana 1921, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Louisiana, grateful to Almighty God for the civil, political and religious liberties we enjoy.

Maine 1820, Preamble. We the People of Maine .. acknowledging with grateful hearts the goodness of the Sovereign Ruler of the Universe in affording us an opportunity and imploring His aid and direction.

Maryland 1776, Preamble. We, the people of the state of Maryland, grateful to Almighty God or our civil and religious liberty.

Massachusetts 1780, Preamble. We the people of Massachusetts,acknowledging with grateful hearts, the goodness of the Great Legislator of the Universe,in the course of His Providence, an opportunity and devoutly imploring His direction.

Michigan 1908, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Michigan, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of freedom, establish this Constitution.

Minnesota, 1857, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Minnesota, grateful to God for our civil and religious liberty, and desiring to perpetuate its blessings.

Mississippi 1890, Preamble. We, the people of Mississippi in convention assembled, grateful to Almighty God, and invoking His blessing on our work.

Missouri 1845, Preamble. We, the people of Missouri, with profound reverence for the Supreme Ruler of the Universe, and grateful for His goodness, establish this Constitution.

Montana 1889, Preamble. We, the people of Montana, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty establish this Constitution.

Nebraska 1875, Preamble. We, the people, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution

Nevada 1864, Preamble. We the people of the State of Nevada, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, establish this Constitution.

New Hampshire 1792, Part I. Art. I. Sec. V. Every individual has a natural and unalienable right to worship God according to the dictates of his own conscience.

New Jersey 1844, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New Jersey, grateful to Almighty God for civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing on our endeavors.

New Mexico 1911, Preamble. We, the People of New Mexico, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of liberty.

New York 1846, Preamble. We, the people of the State of New York, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, in order to secure its blessings .

North Carolina 1868, Preamble. We the people of the State of North Carolina, grateful to Almighty God, the Sovereign Ruler of Nations, for our civil, political, and religious liberties, and acknowledging our dependence upon Him for the continuance of those.

North Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of North Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, do ordain.

Ohio 1852, Preamble. We the people of the state of Ohio, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, to secure its blessings and to promote our common.

Oklahoma 1907, Preamble. Invoking the guidance of Almighty God, in order to secure and perpetuate the blessings of liberty, establish this Constitution.

Oregon 1857, Bill of Rights, Article I. Section 2. All men shall be secure in the Natural right, to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their consciences.

Pennsylvania 1776, Preamble. We, the people of Pennsylvania, grateful to Almighty God for the blessings of civil and religious liberty, and humbly invoking His guidance.

Rhode Island 1842, Preamble. We the People of the State of Rhode Island grateful to Almighty God for the civil and religious liberty which He hath so long permitted us to enjoy, and looking to Him for a blessing.

South Carolina, 1778, Preamble. We, the people of the State of South Carolina grateful to God for our liberties, do ordain and establish this Constitution.

South Dakota 1889, Preamble. We, the people of South Dakota, grateful to Almighty God for our civil and religious liberties, establish this Constitution.

Tennessee 1796, Art. XI.III. That all men have a natural and indefeasible right to worship Almighty God according to the dictates of their conscience.

Texas 1845, Preamble. We the People of the Republic of Texas, acknowledging,with gratitude,the grace and beneficence of God.

Utah 1896, Preamble. Grateful to Almighty God for life and liberty, we establish this Constitution.

Vermont 1777, Preamble. Whereas all government ought to, enable the individuals who compose it to enjoy their natural rights, and other blessings which the Author of Existence has bestowed on man.

Virginia 1776, Bill of Rights, XVI ... Religion, or the Duty which we owe our Creator, can be directed only by Reason and that it is the mutual duty of all to practice Christian Forbearance, Love and Charity towards each other.

Washington 1889, Preamble. We the People of the State of Washington, grateful to the Supreme Ruler of the Universe for our liberties, do ordain this Constitution.

West Virginia 1872, Preamble. Since through Divine Providence we enjoy the blessings of civil, political and religious liberty, we, the people of West Virginia reaffirm our faith in and constant reliance upon God.

Wisconsin 1848, Preamble. We, the people of Wisconsin, grateful to Almighty God for our freedom, domestic tranquility

Wyoming 1890, Preamble. We, the people of the State of Wyoming, grateful to God for our civil, political, and religious liberties, establish this Constitution.

Please note that at no time is anyone told that they MUST worship God.

One is faced with the prospect that maybe, just maybe, the silent majority of the people are being ruled by the vocal minority of the people.

If you don't believe and if you are upset about the United States currency having the phrase "In Got We Trust" on it, then may I suggest you use checks and send me your currency as it won't bother me to spend it.

First Impressions

2009-04-16T00:01:00.000-07:00

I have talked about this before, and now another situation has come to my attention that I felt I should write about.

We have all heard the phrase you should not judge a book by it's cover but when it comes to people we still have a tendency to do just that.

The funny thing is for some reason we all think we are just perfect and if the person we are judging doesn't look like a perfect 10, dress just right, comb their hair just right or on and on then they are to be scoffed at or dismissed.

The sad thing is this happens more than one can imagine.

An example is a video that is sweeping the nation that you may or may not have seen but is a prime example of what I am talking about.

I am adding the link for you to watch the video and I would like you look at the lady's picture before reading the article, see how she is dressed, her hair and remember your first impression.

Then I would like you to pay close attention to the judges and audience reaction to her prior to her singing.

Then after she sings pay attention to the judges, the audience and also your reaction.

I think once you watch this video you will get my point!!! Check it out here.

I don't know about you but there are some commercials on T.V. that are so bad you wonder how the ad agency can stay in business.

Then there are others that are just plain funny even though some people seem to get all offended and demand the commercial be pulled of the air as is in the case of a new Burger King commercial.

Oh political correctness has gotten so bad we can no longer laugh at ourselves.

The great thing is if they take them off T.V. there is always youtube.

I thought it funny so check it out here and see what you think.

On occasion on my blog I talk about what is wrong with the Catholic Church.

I have come across something I thought to be smart and innovative and today in the interest of being fair and balanced I would like to hook you up with the link for you to check it out.

Many of you have heard of Sham Wow but I wonder how many of you have heard of Soul Wow. Unlike Sham Wow Soul Wow is free and no purchase is necessary. Please check out Father Vic here.

That's a wrap and as always, this blog is like a hamburger it gets to the meat of the matter.

Really Good Bad Guys

2009-04-14T00:01:00.000-07:00

United States Navy SEALs

The United States Navy Sea, Air and Land Forces

Hooyah! -- the war cry of the Navy SEALs

The Navy SEALs, are the Special Operations Forces of the United States Navy, employed in direct action and special reconnaissance operations. SEALs are also capable of employing unconventional warfare, foreign internal defense, counter-terrorism, and other missions.

Any place where there are currently U.S. troops, you'll find that SEALs are either there now or were there first. The role that Navy SEAL teams play revolves around getting in and out quickly and without being seen, gathering intelligence, destroying targets, and performing rescues, among other things.

U.S. Special Operations Forces, which includes elite commando forces from each branch of the military, such as the Navy SEALs, Army Rangers, Green Berets, and others have become critical to many U.S. military successes over the past decade. Each branch of the military has its own specially trained teams that can operate in any situation and perform whatever task it takes to get the job done.

SEAL training is brutal. It takes over 30 months to train a Navy SEAL to the point at which he will be ready for deployment. The SEALs that emerge are ready to handle pretty much any task they could be called on to perform, including diving, combat swimming, navigation, demolitions, weapons, and parachuting. The training pushes them to the limit both mentally and physically in order to weed out those who may not be able to successfully complete the demanding missions and operations with which SEALs are faced. The types of stresses they endure during BUD/S (Basic Underwater Demolition/SEAL) are the same stresses they will endure as SEALs. If they can't withstand it when lives aren't on the line, chances are good they won't be able to withstand it when lives are at stake.

From day one in SEAL training, trainees are taught the importance of teamwork. Focus is not on the individual. The fact that the SEALs have never left another SEAL behind on a mission is a testament to this belief system. Throughout their training, they learn more and more why teamwork is necessary in the type of work they will soon be entering: SEALs are performing tasks that may not be possible for a single man to accomplish, but can be possible for a team composed of men who have the same training and skills. Their success depends on what they can do together as a team.

Recently we got to see the SEALs in action.

Navy Snipers Kill Pirates, Rescue Captain

Navy Snipers Fire Three Flawless Shots to Free American Hostage

Bracing themselves on a rolling warship in choppy seas, U.S. Navy snipers fired three flawless shots to kill a trio of Somali pirates and free the American sea captain being held at gunpoint, a Navy commander said Monday.

Way To Go Navy SEALs!!!!!!!!!

HOW BAD ARE THESE REALLY GOOD GUYS?

In Somalia, in 1992 a SEAL sniper prevented a group of marines from being shot at by a Somali gunman.

It was reported that a SEAL sniper with an M88 .50 caliber sniper rifle spotted a Somali gunman ducking behind a rock wall. He believed that the gunman was getting his weapon ready to fire at approaching Marines, who were under orders to capture the Somali faction leader, Hussein Mohammed Aideed. The SEAL knew that he could not warn the Marines in time to avoid becoming targets. He fired his rifle, sending the bullet through the rock wall and taking down the gunman behind it.

I love the fact we have the Navy SEALs watching over us.

Thank you to our military past and present.

There will be no new post tomorrow due to another late shift tonight.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T08:36:00.000-07:00

Happy Hopping Easter, rise up from your keester and go lay some eggs, let kids use their legs to run all around, find gifts on the ground, those round colored treats, so sweet, hard to beat, no beets, eat the carrots, rich candy inherit and pair it with bonnets, spring out Easter sonnets, some lawn gifts, get on it, some holy writ on phonics, phone off electronics, elect histrionics and act out a scene, while wearing Windsor green, whether seven or seventeen, always jolly for jelly beans, a kid’s kind of cuisine; I mean, all that is great, pile peeps onto their plate, Peter Cottontail dinner date, go create a basket crate, but then please integrate, all the great holiday traits, that trace new life returning, the Lamb of God lies yearning to tell all of his tale, that symbol you’ll unveil, through bountiful bunny tails and trails of candied grails.

Written by Tyler Wagner

Around The Globe in 80 seconds

2009-04-10T00:01:00.000-07:00

Well, here we are back to Friday again.

I was working on a serious post for today when I realized it's Friday so I had better take you around the world for your updates.

Some people just like to hang out as demonstrated here:

BERLIN - The skeleton of a German retiree who tied himself to the top of a tree and shot himself to death nearly 30 years ago has been found by a hiker.

German police in the southern town of Landshut said on Monday the 69-year-old man disappeared in 1980 and had been classified as missing. "After searching the area we found the skeleton up in the tree with the pistol hanging on a rope next to it," said the police.

I always thought trees were to hang yourself or someone from. This story could bring back the western movies.

The department of motor vehicles in Colorado has no sense of humor:

'Tofu' License Plate Deemed X-Rated

A Colorado woman loves tofu so much that she decided to tell the world, right on her license plate. But DMV officials say her suggestion for the plate -- "ILVTOFU" -- could be misinterpreted as profane.

I haven't tried tofu but from the looks of the stuff I guess I would agree it is profane because it looks just plain nasty.

Is nothing sacred?

Divorce court no place for frozen dog sperm flap

PONTIAC, Mich. -The judge wondered if she was an unwitting participant in an episode of "Candid Camera" or "Punk'd." Oakland County Family Court Judge Cheryl Matthews wasn't. She just had a front-bench seat Wednesday for a feud between a divorced couple over who gets frozen sperm from bull mastiffs they bred in happier times.

I wonder who harvested the dogs' sperm? Now there is your visual for the day.

It's the law:

In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?

Dangerous research:

Flower power

Even if a woman's self-conscious about her body, wearing a spicy floral fragrance can make her seem to be 12 pounds thinner to men, according to a study by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago.

Men beware, when the woman of your life asks how you like the smell of her new perfume, you are now entering the no-win zone.

When she asks and you say to her "Honey, you you smell 12 pounds thinner," plan on sleeping in the spare room for a while.

It's a gas:

Man causing real stink in motel room gets stabbed

WACO, Texas -A man was stabbed after causing a stink — literally — in a motel room while eating with a friend, police said. Five men from the Houston area were sharing a Waco motel room Tuesday night, and two were inside the room eating when one had a flatulence problem. One man was so upset about the gas that he threw a large knife at him, cutting his leg, and then stabbed him in the chest, Waco police said.

Can you say Taco Bell?

That's a wrap for this week.

Sunday is a late night work shift for me so there will be no new post Monday.

Sunday is also Easter, the chief Christian feast, commemorating the resurrection of Jesus after his crucifixion.

My wish for you is that your table be bountiful and may you find lots of the colored eggs left by the Easter Bunny.

Sex Sells And Grabs New Readers

2009-04-08T00:01:00.000-07:00

What do a box of cereal and Hillary Clinton have in common?

Cereal Box Typo Sends Callers to Sex Line

An Oregon company has ordered new packaging for its Peace Cereal after a typo on the box sent callers to a phone sex line instead of the cereal maker's 800 number. Instead of reaching Golden Temple of Oregon, callers were greeted by a recorded voice asking, "Do you love sex? ... Isn't that why you called?"

Now that's the way to enjoy a bowl of Frosted Flakes don't you think?

Clinton Call Connects to Phone Sex Line

Journalists who dialed in to a White House conference call Thursday hoping for a media-friendly reception got a far friendlier response than they were counting on.

Instead of hearing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton and National Security Adviser Jim Jones on the other end laying out foreign policy and security threats, reporters were greeted by a recording on a phone sex line.

"Do you have any hidden desires? If you feel like getting nasty, then you came to the right place," said a suggestive-sounding woman.

I suspect the Journalists enjoyed that call more than any calls they have with Hillary.

News Story from Germany - Ooops!

I have always believed in the phrase "If at first you don't succeed try, try again."

Do you want to know how to drive a lady crazy?

Blow in my ear and I will follow you anywhere.

Now that all you readers are heated up, I thought I should include the following warning.

Just remember it is always better to err on the side of caution.

I received a call and today is an unscheduled late shift so there will be no post tomorrow.